You’re all i need…tonight

“You might think i’m crazy
to hang around with you
maybe you think i’m lucky
to have something to do
but i think that you’re wild
and inside me is some child
you might think it’s foolish
or maybe it’s untrue
you might think i’m crazy
but all i want is you…”

(The Cars-“You might think”)

I dreamed about that for so long…your arms around me…i wanna feel like this forever…Peter…my love…when you touch me like that…this sensation is driving me crazy…

-Alicia…Aly…wake up! Are you all right? You know how late it is? You worked till now? Aly…

I opened my eyes…still dreaming. Half awake, half asleep…the sensations of me and Peter making love were very much alive. I still felt them on my body…the dream seemed so real. And now…I could feel his hand gently caressing my hair, trying to wake me up.

-Wh…what happened? Peter? I thought you left…i think i felt asleep…i said with a sleepy voice.

-It’s late…almost midnight…i saw the light and you were sleeping…i heard you talking in your sleep…

I felt like suddenly blushing.

-I can’t remember what i was dreaming…but now that you’re here, do you wanna see how much i progressed? You’ll be proud of me…

He looked deep in my eyes and smiled at me. Then he gently touched my lips stopping me from talking…

-I’m very proud…but for today your work is over…the last days you worked all the time…no break…No wonder you’re so tired. And your hands are so cold…let me get you a blanket, this dress it’s much too…

-I’m fine, don’t worry…

He founded a blanket and place it on the couch. Then, with no warning, he lifted me up, took me in his arms and lied me on the couch. Still holding me, he made himself comfortable…The couch seemed to have much to little space…i could feel his body and the beatings of his heart. And his smell…It was all so familiar, so safe and still so exciting…

-There you go! Do you feel a little warmer? Is it ok? he asked me with a deep voice, holding me close and rubbing  my shoulders.

-Peter, we shouldn’t…we just broke up…i’m so confuse when you’re…like this…

-Tell me, Aly…isn’t it better like this? Just the two of us…no lawyers…no trials…no arguments. We could be like this…and i know you wanna work here with me. I saw that spark in your eyes when you came with your great idea…by the way, you’re brilliant…Did you felt how good we are together?

-I did…and yes, i wanna work here, i just though that it would be so hard to see you…because every time we talk…

He looked deep in my eyes, then his eyes went down on my lips, back to my eyes…i felt like loosing all my resistance…Running his fingers trough my hair, his eyes were undressing me…and when he finally talked, his voice sounded incredible sexy…

-Wanna tell me about your dream? The one that made you whisper my name…i saw it in your eyes when you woke up…tell me…i wanna make it real for you…can you feel how much i want this…

He took my hand and made me feel his desire…my thoughts were running wild inside my mind…i was feeling the same need…my body was so sensitive to his caresses…his kisses on my neck…on my shoulders…

-Your skin is so soft…he whispered in my ear…i wanna kiss you all over your body…

I felt like electricity pulsing through my skin…the need of feeling him completely was taking control over my judgement. I had to stop this before it could be too late…I knew i have to say it…

-Peter…

-I love the way you’re pronouncing my name…

He felt my hesitation…He stopped for a moment, just to look at me and to kiss me passionately…

-You’re so beautiful when you’re like this…Aly…i don’t wanna stop…i need to make you mine…don’t you feel the same…your body can’t lie…just don’t say no…i can feel how much you want this…let go all the tension…i won’t hurt you…never…

I closed my eyes trying to imagine how this could be forever…not just for one night. I felt the same emotion…the same ecstasy…like when it was my first time…just the pain was different…this time i felt it deep inside my heart.

-It was incredible…don’t know how to say this, Aly, but…it was almost like…you were different…like when we started…it was so long since the last time i felt so excited…i just couldn’t stop…how could this be possible…

-Aly? Honey? Is it something wrong? Because something is changed about you…

Nothing. Everything.

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Feeling like i’m hypnotized…(Part II)

“I’ve been taking on a new direction
But I have to say
I’ve been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way…”

(Tina Turner-“What’s love got to do with it”)

This is a big mistake…i’ll walk in the room only to tell him that he was wrong…i’m not scared, lost, lonely…and i’m not helpless neither…But isn’t dangerous? No one knows i’m here…what if he’s a psychotic killer? Of course…i won’t drink the coffee…but still…Maybe i should go back…no…anything but not that! Or if i call Matt? And tell him what? Look Matt…i left because i don’t like your best friend…and i met a man that look like a movie star…and he invited me in his room…and guess what?…i’m at his door…

The sound of the door opening in front of me made my heart jump of my chest. I took a deep breath repeating in my mind the speech..

-My approach was totally wrong! I apologize for being such a fool and hope you’ll give me a chance…I promise i won’t waist your time…

His smile was disarming. He seemed honest and when he invited me in the room the smell of the dark strong coffee made me ask myself  if i wasn’t to harsh on judging him. Again, i felt like i cannot find the perfect line…   

-Would you like to join me at the terrace…i took the liberty to order the coffee…hope you like espresso. I usually drink it without sugar . Take a seat, please…

-I’m here only to tell you…

-That i’m a fool! I know…but i saw you standing there and the words just flied out my mouth…without thinking too much, as you can see…

-Look, Philippe, i was really feeling awkward…you were right about that…

-She’s your friend? he asked like he didn’t heard me speaking,

-Who? Corinne? No…she’s Nick’s wife and Nick’s my boyfriend’s best friend…

-Then you’re in a worst situation that i initially believed!

-What do you mean?

-What i saw at your table…is the classic situation of domestic violence and, maybe, child abuse…That macho is your boyfriend’s best friend? How well do you know your boyfriend? Because you don’t strike me as a person who silently accept that…am i wrong, Alicia?

Be calm and keep controlling yourself…you know he’s right. He’s speaking like he know me…like reading my mind. And the way he’s pronouncing my name…God…how can i think like that…

-You’re right. I felt sick when i saw her crying. And the way he was humiliating her…i cannot tolerate that. But my boyfriend is not like that, he’s gentle and sweet and i’m in love…

-with someone else…

No! This is not happening! How does he know about that? And how can i react? If i agree is like i’m a big liar…if i don’t…he’ll know…

-Wanna know how i figured this out? It’s just because i saw you with him…you are trying so hard to be perfect…The perfect smile…the perfect look…the perfect line…but nothing is natural. You’re covering your true emotions. Maybe even in intimacy…but that’s not my business…

You’re so right…no one ever said it so clearly…but i’m not faking…i’m really trying to make this work…like when you’re awake but you wont give up on your dream even if you know is not true…And the intimacy…it should be perfect because he’s perfect…but i’m trying so hard to make him feel like he’s the only one…and to fight his insecurities…and mine’s…

-I wish i knew what you’re thinking about…i lost you a few seconds ago…i guess i completely forgot how to speak to a lady…

Your words are ravishing my heart…and i cannot even say this to you. Because it’s just too much…and i don’t wanna cry in front of you…no…i wont. I hate these tears…what’s wrong with me…getting all so soft and week lately? I’m such a fool…

-Alicia…i’m so sorry. I never meant to do that…You’re crying…please don’t mind me and don’t let me upset you like that…I feel really bad about what i said before…

-It’s not your fault. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately…

-Is there anything i can do about?

Hold me…just take me in your arms and don’t let go…and change my life…make me fall in love…make me feel…and do that without asking me to change who i am…or to pretend that my past isn’t there…but you can’t…no one can’t.

-Nothing, Philippe, i said with a sad smile on my face. Thank you for the coffee…

-Please don’t leave…not because of what i said…

And in that moment…knowing i have nothing to loose…

-No, Philippe, i’m not leaving because of what you said. I’m leaving because of what i didn’t said…Because you seemed to know me better than i know myself, even if you’re a stranger to me…and you seemed to care…enough to make me wanna care too. And your words are touching me deep inside my heart, in a place where i cannot let nobody get in…I leave because i’m scared of what i’m dreaming…and because that’s the only way i can protect myself…

He suddenly pulled me close to him…i felt his arms around me…he was holding me so strong…i felt like abandoning everything…I knew he could feel my heart beating  and my body trembling…and i knew that if he wanted to…

And i stood there, in his arms, endless minutes…feeling that he’s the one…but knowing deep inside my heart that it can’t be. And when i left him…it was like leaving a part of me…

How can a stranger touch my soul so deep?

How could he speak the words i’m longing to hear for so long?

And what if…it’s a terrible thought but…what if one day…i’ll look behind and i’ll say: that was love…

Feeling like i’m hypnotized…(Part I)

“Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high. 
And I don’t think that I’ll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last ’til the end.”

(James Blunt-“You’re beautiful”)

-You think they’ll like me? I mean, the dress…isn’t too…long and white…isn’t too much for a casual lunch?

Matt was looking at me with a big smile on his face.

-Come here…you’re absolutely perfect! That angelic look…it’s just what you need to make them love you. And if they don’t…it’s their lost! In fact, you’re the one who’s important to me, not some friends…They should be nervous, not you! But you need one more thing to make everything ok…

And he took me in his arms and kissed me…making all my anxiety disappear…

-Just remember: they are Christians…so not a word about sex before marriage. And they come with their son, David. He’s 5…

-Really? That’s great! Can’t wait to see them, finally a happy family! And i won’t forget: not a word about sex! Never had, never will! i said laughing…

-Aly, if we weren’t running late…

-I know, you would try to compromise me by tempting me with sex…But no! Not until we’re married! I won’t let you kiss me, touch me, not even hold my hand!

-And what would you say if i would do that…

He grabbed softly my waist, kissing my neck…

-I would say…don’t stop…

Two hours later…

-Matt talks about you all the time, Alicia. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you! And Matt, you were right in everything…she’s even more that you described…

Matt’s friend, Nicholas, is the kind of man who really love to hear himself speaking…The meeting was going ok, but i couldn’t stop asking myself why Corinne, his wife, was barely speaking. And David…i never saw such a quiet and well behaved little boy…

-Thank you, Nicholas. I’m happy to meet you, you’re a beautiful family. And Corinne, i love the color of your hair…

She was suddenly blushing…

-You’re very nice, Alicia, this blonde is Nick’s favorite…I was worried about you…being over an hour late…I thought about an accident…But i’m happy you’re ok and i never saw Matt so happy…maybe just when Katie was born…

Matt’s phone interrupted her…

-Guys…so sorry, have to go! Aly, do you wanna stay with Nick and Corinne a little more? Talk…maybe get to know them…what do you say?

What could i say? Of course…as i watched him stepping away…

Nick’s voice was sharp as he spoke  to his wife:

-Can’t believe what you just did! Can you be more stupid? You made him leave the lunch…you had to talk about Katie, didn’t you! I promise you we’ll have a long talk about that…

-No, Nick, it’s ok. Matt had to go because of that phone…i said trying to sweeten the atmosphere…

-Alicia…i know her! She’s not good at this! That’s why i don’t like to bring her and to introduce her to new friends! She’s just incapable…believe me. Even with this kid…you know how many time i had to teach her how to raise him? To make a real man not a girl out of him? Don’t know…some woman just don’t have that instinct…

I looked at her…she had tears in her eyes. The little boy’s hands were shaking…I couldn’t stand to hear…to see… And he’s Matt’s best friend! I excused myself saying i’m a little tired from work…i just needed to find a way out…i searched the bathroom…

-It’s not my business, but…

His voice sounded so warm…I turned my head to see who’s talking…the voice belonged to a middle age man, french maybe, by the accent…he was very good looking, like an actor…careless hair, deep dark eyes…

-My name is Philippe…and you should be Alicia…there’s a back door…we’ll meet in 5 minutes for a coffee…here’s the number of my apartment…it’s here in this hotel…use the back door and take the elevator till the 5’th floor. Make sure that your friends wont see you…

I was speechless…

He continued:

-I saw your boyfriend, i know you’re not single so…it’s just a coffee. Or…let’s say it’s up to you…how far we’ll go.

-How dare you?! I will call the security…

-Call them! But i saw the look on your face…as you were standing with your friends. You looked lost, scared and very lonely. And when your boyfriend left you with that awful family…believe me…i know a lot about people…especially woman…but i never saw someone so desperate and helpless like you…So, going back to them or drinking a coffee with me? I got a beautiful view…we can watch together The Grand Prix…I’ll wait for you there.

I looked back and saw Nick and Corinne fighting…little David was crying…

And, like under a black magic spell, completely out of rational control, knowing all along that it’s dangerous, not recognizing my own actions, unable do make any other choice…i took the elevator till the 5’th floor…

(to be continued)

Say it…like you really feel it

“Take me back in the arms I love,
Need me like you did before,
Touch me once again
And remember when
There was no one that you wanted more…”

(Celine Dion-“To love you more”)

He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer…his hands holding me tight, his eyes looking at me with a wild hungrly desire…I felt like melting in his arms…Then he grabbed gently my face, running his fingers trough my hair…i looked into his eyes…they were exploring my lips…He leaned and pressed his lips against mine’s, making me tremble…he softly opened my lips, using his tongue to play with my mouth…holding me so close to his body…kissing me with passion, slowly and deep…our tongues making love…Overwhelming, sweet, tender and exciting…my eyes were closed and my body was trembling…when he was letting me go, the feeling of being incomplete was too much to bare…

Why did i accepted? I knew i cannot hide what i feel…what i still feel…How did i ever agreed to see Peter? On that beach…our beach. Yes, i had all the reasons in the world. I wanted to tell him myself about me and Matt…about my decision to leave the agency…i wanted to convince him about my contract without lawyers…I was rational thinking that two people that loved each other once could take these decisions together…

And he listened to me calmly…even when i mentioned about Matt. He didn’t reacted when i told him that i want to break our agreement and leave the agency…At some point it seemed to me that his look was darker…but i said to myself that i’m imagining things…And yes, deep inside i wanted him to be jealous, to feel angry, just to see that me…that us…it’s not something meaningless…

But that kiss…

I stared at the water feeling the panic growing inside me. What am i doing? I can’t…it’s not just about me, it’s Matt…how could i do that to him?

Peter broke the silence:

-You signed a contract, Alicia, you gotta respect it. Unless you want a legal trial that can last longer that the contract itself. I understand if you don’t want to see me…we’ll find a way to avoid each other, but the contract stands…

-Peter…how can you be so cold? We just…I’m so angry with you now!

I didn’t felt anger…just pain…burning pain inside my heart.

-I’m cold? Tell me…how quickly did you replaced me? We broke up and suddenly you’re with someone else…Did you even loved me? Do you love him? Did you loved any of those guys that you slept with while we were…Just don’t make me say it!

I felt like suffocating…

-I only loved you, but you were never there for me…All i wanted was a life with you, a family. And to hear you say that you love me…

I started to cry. He lowered his voice…

-I can’t deny…i still want to hold you…i still wanna take you home…It’s hurting me to see you crying. But you talk about having a family…i can’t lie to you…i don’t see us like that…and i’m the only one to blame here…

He tried to touch me…i pushed him away and turned my back at him.

-Leave me alone, Peter. I think i hate you right now…I don’t ever wanna see you…i’m sick of being around you…do whatever you want with the contract…sue me…just don’t make me look at you again…

I heard his steps moving away and when i was sure that i’m alone i cried all my tears…

I heard my phone ringing…it was Matt. For a second i though of not answering, but…

My voice betrayed my inner torment…

-Aly, baby…what’s wrong? You’re crying…Tell me he heaven’t done anything to you cause i swear…

-No, Matt…he just don’t want to broke the contract and i have to…

-Just stay there…don’t move…i’m there in a minute…

And he was there…like he always is. He held me and wiped away my tears. And then he insisted to hear all about my conversation with Peter…and i told him what i could told.

-Aly…tell me the truth. I feel like there’s something more…like he hurt you somehow…You’re devastated and i know you…it’s not the contract…i want to hear all…

-Yes, Matt, there’s more…we…i mean he tried to…to kiss me…but i didn’t…

-Aly…you’re saying that he…He was forcing you? That bastard! I’m gonna find him and…

-No, Matt…don’t do that…it wasn’t like that…i need you to stay with me…

-I’ll never leave you…and from now on you’re not dealing with this by yourself. We’re together…we’ll find a good lawyer…please don’t cry…it’s breaking my heart to see you like this…

I smiled to him trough my tears…I reassured him that i’m ok…hoping and praying that he’ll believe me…

I made him promise me that he won’t do something impulsive…

And i said to him I love you. I said it like i really meant it. And i almost felt it…

(Love)It’s just a simple word…

“Oh girl that feeling of safety you prize
Well it comes with a hard hard price
You can’t shut off the risk and pain
Without losin’ the love that remains
We’re all riders on this train…”

(Bruce Springsteen-“Human touch”)

-You said you wanna talk, i’m here…even if i shouldn’t be.

She looked tormented, nervous and troubled, like she were on the verge of breaking down. Sleepless, tearful nights…i thought seeing  her eyes. Liz was standing in front of me…i invited her to coffee, trying to see if there’s something there i could save…our friendship..her sanity…my conscience…

-Liz…last time we talked you asked me if we can be friends again. I missed our talks…and i was hurt and i thought…

-say no more…I’m so relief, Aly, you’re my best friend…

And like nothing ever happened, she hugged me, erasing all the lost time. My best friend…

-You’re not mad because of me and Peter?

-You’re not mad because of Second Life? We started laughing so hard. We were talking the same time, same words, same friendship.

-Ok, i’ll start, i said with a happy smile. I overreacted… about you and Peter. I’m moving on, i’m having a new beautiful relationship, Peter belong to my past. And if you got any feeling left for him, maybe…

-No, Aly, Peter was a big mistake. I knew even when we were…in fact he was only thinking of you…so…And i’m terribly sorry for saying all those horrible things about you playing Second Life. I was unfair…

-Now, stop it…you’ll make me cry…How are you, tell me honestly, Liz.

-I won’t lie to you, Aly, i’m still hurting, but it’s a little better then 3 weeks ago. And i’m trying to move on. But enough about me, tell me all about…

-About Second Life? I’m sorry to say this, Liz, but it’s only a game for me. I mean…i know how serious was for you…you considered moving to his country…and then all those lies…Now i understand you better, but i…

-You’re not as stupid as i was, Aly. And probably you’re blocking everything because what was happening before, with that man…

-Don’t remind me! And you were not stupid, just vulnerable…The truth is that Second Life is full of lies…beautiful words, but that’s it…only words. I have met great people, great friends, the kind of people who could easily be my friends in real life too. But i have met troubled ones…sad ones, looking for love without even knowing the meaning of the word. Lonely, angry of them past or ex-partners, full of prejudice and so full of them…And when something like this happen, when i met someone like that…i’m sick and tired of Second Life…

-And the romance? You never felt like…

-I never felt in love…yes, i experienced the romance, i usually say i’m addicted of that…and it’s true…God knows, Liz, maybe i don’t have the capacity of falling in love…

-No, you don’t wanna fall in love there, believe me! One broken heart is enough! But you’re still playing, right? Even if i feel you’re a little …

-Second Life it’s a beautiful game. You can meet great friends from all over the world…and even if i say it’s a game, that doesn’t mean that i’m not carrying  for them. It’s the drama that i don’t like…

-I have to ask you…you ever talked to…

-Your love? No, Liz, and please trust me, i wont. You describe me that man like the type of player that could say anything just to get you where he want…And i think he’s not worthy of my time and energy…

-Aly…i admire you so much…you’re so sure of yourself…if i could be like that…

-Don’t admire me…i feel guilty sometimes…i really don’t wanna hurt no one and it’s so hard to distinguish between truth and lies on Second Life. Does he really care or it’s just the routine to get lay…I think that the most dangerous thing is to search love in these kind of games. You know what i mean…the true love…

-I did that…i know. And talking about true love…i’m with someone really special. I’m starting to love him, Aly, it’s amazing. And he talks about family and kids…even if we’re just at beginnings…

Matt showed up…seeing me with Liz he seemed so relief…

-Finally…you girls are so impossible sometimes…best friends, but they don’t talk…he start laughing. Liz, did Aly told you about us?

-Yes, Matt, congrats to the hottest couple of Monte Carlo! You and Aly did the miracle and turned back the clock! Eight years!

Yes, we did the miracle! Matt and I…we found each other again…my never-ending love. Could it be?

Liz and I…another life-lasting relationship…Could it be?

Could love be more then just a simple word? In real life…

Because i’m still playing Second Life. I’m not worried about being addicted. I’m only worried about my burning desire of taking off the mask…Just once…in Second Life. Could it ever be possible for me to really feel…?

What’s the name of the game?

“Maybe you were right, but baby i was lonely,

I don’t want to fight, i’m tired of being sorry…”

(Enrique Iglesias-“Tired of being sorry”)

He was trying to look serious…Not a chance!, I said to myself…this is my kind of game…

-Come and get it from me if you want it…i said with a glorious smile,

-Give me the key! C’mon, Aly, i will be late! And i promised your father to stop by. Your parents are worry about you…they don’t even know where you are…

-Look…the key…and look what i’m doing with your key…take it if you dare…i can show you where i’m hiding it…i said placing the key in my bra…

-Now you’re challenging me! Let’s see…i’ll take all of your clothes…and then…the key…

-Now you’re getting! Finally..Matt, let’s see…what would you say if i throw away the key…and you’ll be locked with me all day long…

-I would say that you’re crazy…and that i adore you…

Matt was getting closer…he looked into my eyes and smiled…i knew that smile…

-I’m better then you…i said jumping on the bed…catch me if you can…i bet you can’t handle me…i’m thinking of keeping this key to myself…my god…i lost it…i cannot find it anymore…you’re stuck with me…i was laughing while i continued jumping on the bed.

Partly, i was right…in my agitation, the key felt on the floor…only that he wouldn’t saw it…

Matt was trying to stop me from jumping…so i ended falling in his arms…as he was gently laying me on the bed.

-And now…let’s search for that key…he started undressing me with very slow moves, kissing every part of my body. The sensations were all new…like nothing i ever experienced with him before…it was breath taking…a feeling of being out of control…I remembered how intense we were…8 years ago…how much we enjoyed making love…but now was different, he seemed different somehow…

-I remember…Matt…i tried to say something but i couldn’t concentrate…

-Are you sure…Aly…there’s no way back…if you’re not ready, say it…cause you started something and i can’t stop…

But i felt so sure about this…so ready to take him back in my life…how could i let him go before…just feeling his body on mine’s, his breath going faster and the beatings of his heart…he wasn’t that boy i left eight years ago…he was a man…completely changed. I felt unable to recognize him…the passion, the pleasure…all so new…it felt almost frightening…like a game that i knew i’ll never win…but the ecstasy i was experiencing was much more then a game…

And i wonder how did i manage to transform my life into a game…was it the search for the perfect romance that brought me here? Was it my obsession for a man that couldn’t give his heart to me? Or just…me being afraid of the loneliness…and trying to go back in time to recover my hope and my dreams…

-Are you ok, baby? You’re so quiet…i hope you’re not having second thoughts about us…

-Are we back together, Matt? i asked him, hating my insecurity…

-Of course, silly…what did you thought? But i need to be sure…because if you’re playing again…

-Never again…i’ll never do what i did before…i’m sure about that.

He kissed me and looked deep into my eyes…like he was trying to see my soul…

And being happy was so strange to me…If this is a game, i really don’t wanna win…not if it means that someone  has to lose…

More than friends…(Part II)

“Wash away the thoughts inside

That keep my mind away from you,

No more love and no more pride,

And thoughts are all i have to do…”

(Josh Groban-“Remember when it rained”)

Laying on the bed, in the darkness of the room, surrounded by the moonlight and my favorite music, Matt’s presence seem the only real thing in the world…It was late in the night and the red dress was laying on the floor…i was wearing one of Matt’s white shirts, witch made me feel very close to him…I was only wondering what he’s thinking about…he was, after all, the perfect gentleman, carrying and protective, without a single word or intention of taking things a step further…he tried, because his body betrayed him, revealing me that he’s still very attracted of me…

He smiled, a charming smile that made me forget all my thoughts…

-Your turn…tell me about her…i asked trying not to spoil the magic…

-Her? You mean, my ex? Like you said…i wish that i could erase the last 8 years…and i know about the big mistake i did marrying her…if i only knew by then…

-Don’t say that…at least you have a child…a little girl…

-She’s seven…she’s the only reason for my marriage. After you and i broke up, i was…how to put this…i was confused…i met a girl, she got pregnant…end of story.

-But you divorced right after the baby’s birth. Why?

-Because i never loved her…i tried to do the right thing…young and noble…and foolish…

-Matt, i’m almost afraid to ask…your parents…they must think the worst of me…

-Well, Aly…to tell you the truth…

-Your mom still hates me? Like 8 years ago? he could read the sadness from my eyes…

-You know about my family, Aly…i don’t wanna hurt your feelings…i never hated you…and now you’re here in my arms…why does it matter?

-Right in this moment i hate myself…i hurt you and your parents…not to mention what i did after that…i’m horrible…

I started to cry and it was the most natural thing to let him hold me and comfort me…to feel his arms around me…

-I want you to sleep in my arms…just let me feel that we could be…once again…his voice was so reassuring…

-You don’t hate me? You’re not angry anymore? Matt, i just don’t wanna do anything to hurt you again…

-Aly…if you only knew…you talk about hate and anger and all i want is to feel you so close to me…to hold you and to dry all of those tears and to erase all the bad memories…and to make love to you…like you were always mine…my only love…

-I don’t know…

-Forgive me…i shouldn’t say what i said before…you’re hurting and i won’t do anything while you’re so vulnerable. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that i pressured you into..

-Can you just hold me? I feel so tired and all my decisions seems to be wrong…

I slept in his arms…it was like 8 years ago, but the feeling was still new and fresh. Is that what people call “falling in love”? Or was i just trying desperate to fill the empty places from my life?

The morning brought me sunshine…in my heart and in his smile. And, with the taste of fresh backed croissants and orange juice…life seem easier…lighter. He look at me like i was a miracle…i looked at him like he was my last chance, my savior…

-If you promise you’re not running  from my arms…i’ll tell you a secret…he said with a big happy smile…

-I promise…i smiled back to him…

-I think i’m in love…And it’s not Aly from the past that holds my heart…it’s you…the woman i see in front of me…I don’t want you to cry anymore…i don’t want you to try to change who you are…i don’t want a perfect girl or a perfect love…i need you in my life…

And without a single word, without a single thought…i kissed him…with all the passion and desire that can ever be in my heart…

His words…could they heal me? His kiss…could he protect me from my biggest threat? From myself…