Nothing lasts forever

“It’s hard to find forgiveness
When we just turn out the light
It’s hard to say you’re sorry
When you can’t tell wrong from right
It would be so easy
To spend your whole damn life
Just keeping score
So let’s get down to it baby
There ain’t no need to lie

Tell me who you think you see
When you look into my eyes.”

(Bon Jovi-“Till we ain’t strangers anymore”)

-Look at them! How old do you think is she? And look…the way he’s holding her, they should be ashamed to dance like this in front of everybody…

-You mean, in front of you, don’t you, Alicia? And, by the way…she’s 19. The guy has a thing for younger girls…he’s holding her like he’s gonna take her straight to his bed, if you know what i mean.

-God, Phillipe, i can’t take it anymore! Seeing Peter with that girl…i wanna go home! I hate this party…

-You don’t have to leave just because the love of your life is messing around with a 19 years old model. You’re here for Liz…her birthday. Or her engagement party? With the Tony guy…remember, the one that created the catastrophe, right? He was the beginning of the end for you and Peter…

-You’re being so cruel…

-I am cruel? And you’re not, right? I’m holding you in my arms, dancing with you, feeling every beat of your heart and every touch of your skin…and you only look at him. You only talk about him! You’re more with him than you are with me and it hurts…

-I’m sorry, Phillipe…

-What are these? Tears? Not again! Hope you used a water proof mascara this time…you know how messy it can be with all the black running down the cheeks…

Suddenly the music stopped…I saw Tony dressed all elegant, holding Liz’s hand and softly kissing her fingers. She was blushing, her eyes so bright…i never saw her so happy and in love. he took the microphone and began to speak:

-Good evening everyone! Please don’t mind i’m taking you away from the music and dance, but i have something very important to say. Tonight…(he looked at Liz, pulling her closer) the most beautiful woman in the entire world made me the happier man ever! And i just wanna be sure so…(he was kneeling in front of her) Elizabeth…would you do me the honor of marrying me? Would you let me love you till the end of time and would you be the mother of my children? I love you, Lizzy…please say yes…

She said yes with tears of joy in her eyes. Everyone started applauding and saying  congratulations to the happy couple. And if i was having my doubts before, i felt relief…he really seemed in love.

-You realize he’s acting, right?

Phillipe’s whispers in my ear pulled me away from dreaming…

-…no…he’s in love…

-Are you really that naive, Alicia? Did you saw the look on his face while he was speaking? The eyes…focusing on the left…And the little gesture he made with his right hand on his neck? And the pronouncing slightly modified…This guy is lying trough his teeth! If we were on a court room he couldn’t stand a chance…in front of me, of course…

-How can you be so sure? Maybe he was nervous…

-Baby…i never lost a trial. I always win! And you know why? Because i recognize the liars. And i love to play with them till they’re lost in their own lies. And then i smash them with the truth…

-I’m glad you’re on my side!

-You know i always get what i want. And right now your happiness is my goal. So yes, i’m on your side, i said it before…i’ll protect you from yourself and from the bad decisions and from the  self-harming actions of yours. Now i have bad news…that guy, Tony is still very attracted to you…

-That’s jealousy talking! How could he be attracted to me? He didn’t looked at me at all, he was proposing to Liz…Sometimes, Phillipe you’re way of base…

-Ok, don’t believe me! Say i’m way of base? You’ll not only gonna lose your friend Liz…she’ll become your worst enemy and Tony…well, i just hate to see you turned into a victim again…But, as you wish, no more unwanted advices…

-Phillipe…i’m sorry…didn’t mean it like this. I know you only mean well…tell me what should i do…

-If you’re willing to listen to me…and do exactly what i tell you…

I said yes, even if in my mind i was convinced he’s wrong. For a strange reason…i was afraid. For me…because lately Phillipe was my only support…for him, because i love his self confidence and i want him to reach his goal of making me happy…

…or for Liz, because she, just like me, still believes in eternal love…I just want this love she’s living to be forever…

…who knows? Maybe it could happened for me too…some day.

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I wanna change my world…

“I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what’s beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth.”

(Westlife feat. Diana Ross-“When you tell me that you love me”)

Eight years ago…

-Tell me about him…this guy you’re in love with…you said he’s older? How much older?

-Like 30 and something…

-C’mon Aly…you know exactly how old is he…you said his name is Peter? Wait a minute…he’s…

-I know, dad! Now you’re gonna give me the speech about how he’s gonna use me and i’m gonna get hurt. And how i need someone more close to my age…a nice young man from a nice family…

-Sweety…you’re only 20…you’re smart, beautiful and you have your future ahead. You really wanna be in a relationship with a 35 years old man? What do you think he wants from you? A family? I’m sorry i cannot agree to this!

-I didn’t ask for your opinion, dad! We love each other, there’s nothing you can do about that…

-You love him, i can imagine that. He has style, charisma, experience…he makes you feel important…but have you ever wondered what is gonna happened when he’ll get bored? Because in a few month he will…

-I can’t believe that! So, you don’t think he can love me? Because i’m so unattractive and boring, right? I’m so lucky to have your money…other wise no guy would ever look at me! It’s so good to know the way you really think about me…

-Aly…you misunderstood me. You’re not the problem here…he is. You’re too good for someone like him…

-You know, dad…i heard that a thousand times before! No one is good enough for me! I think i’m old enough to make my own decisions! He love me, he told me that…it’s all that matters to me. And if you’re not ok with this…it’s your problem! Peter and I we’re gonna get married and have children some day…

Now…

-Alicia…did you heard any word i said to you? I know you’re tired, but as soon as you sign this, you’re free! You can forget all about him and concentrate on your real future. You talked to your father?

-Yes, he’s so happy…it’s like his dream to see me working in his company…away from Peter and modelling…

-away from a toxic and abusive relationship, Alicia! And away from a world that can only harm you…you know i’m right!

-…so, tell me…how much is my dad paying you? All the investigation…and baby-sitting me…pretending you’re my friend, gaining my confidence. And one more thing…the seduction was a part of a plan? The red roses…they must costed a lot. And what you said…you’ll have my heart before having my body…so romantic. My dad knows about this too? If i wanna sleep with you…how much is it? Tell me, Phillipe…am i rich enough or should i borrow some money from my dad?

-I understand you’re upset…but i won’t allowed you to talk like this to me…

-Really? And what are you going to do about this?

-Listen to me and listen very careful, Alicia. I told you the truth. Your father hired me when you started dating Matt again. Because he knew about his past…My job was to make sure he wont be around you anymore, witch i did. But then you showed up…in my hotel room, crying in my arms. And the image i had about you was changed completely. After your father told me many times how immature, impulsive and spoiled you are…it was like a revelation…

-What do you mean by revelation?

-About myself…that i can love again. Seeing you so hurt with tears in your eyes, feeling your body trembling in my arms, knowing how deep and beautiful can you really feel…i didn’t cared anymore about your father, it was all about you. To love you…protect you, even from yourself if i have to…And i lied to you…it was wrong, i know, but it was not a crime. So, don’t punish me for carrying! And don’t insult me anymore, i wont take it, not from you, not from anybody else. I’m not your enemy…

-I almost believe you…

-Come here…i wanna feel you in my arms. Close your eyes…everything will be ok, i promise you this.

-Because you’re here to save me, right?

-…because i’m here to make sure you’ll never feel like a victim of your own destiny. This is not an option anymore. I’ll give you the power to control your life. And the will to do it…

Give me something for the pain…

“I’m walking down this empty road to nowhere
I pass by the houses and blocks I once knew.

My Mama told me not to mess with sorrow
But I always did, and Lord, I still do
I’m still breaking the rules.”

(Roxette-“Crash!Boom!Bang!”)

-So…it worth it…a little scratch on my knees, a little pain in my head, a few bruises…maybe i should get hit by a car more often! Of course, i won’t be able to do the cat walk for a while, but that’s ok, i resigned anyway…and i had to be brave when that doctor (who, by the way, is behaving like i’m dying or something) decided to torture me by cleaning the wounds without anesthetic…

-I don’t know how can you make fun of this…Aly, my heart stopped when they called me…it was like a nightmare come true. I never felt more scared or lost in my entire life. The thought of loosing you…i swear…i can’t live without you. The doctor said it was a miracle…do you realize that you could be dead and i…

His eyes were filled with tears. I believed him…He was holding my hands like he was afraid that in the minute he will let me go, i’ll vanish. I felt scared too…the image of the car, the sound of the breaks, my own body on the ground and the pain…and than the hospital…they called Peter because i noted his number in case of…i did this when we were together and i forgot to change it…

-Look, Peter, i’m sorry they called you…

-No, don’t be! I love you…i realized how wrong i was, hurting you like this…now all i want is to get you out of this hospital, to take you home and start living the life that you wanna live…You and i, honey…and our house filled with children.Our kids, Aly! I wanna make your dream come true…

-Without the prenuptial agreement? Are you sure?

-I was stupid! An idiot! I tried to hurt you because i was jealous of that lawyer of yours. Phillipe…don’t know where you found this guy…his methods are barely legal. Aly, just forget about him! Come back to me, let me make you happy…

The door was suddenly open. He was standing there looking deeply concerned…

-Phillipe…

-God, Alicia, you gave me quite a scare! Never do that again! Are you alright? The doctors told me about a head trauma…

He came to me and took me in his arms, completely ignoring Peter’s presence…Then, out of the blue, he turned and looked at Peter.

-I don’t think Alicia needs you anymore, so it would be better if you leave now. Your presence here is disturbing her and i need to talk to my client in private. Do you understand? Or do i need to call security to take you out?

-How dare you? Let’s settle this right now…let’s go outside…

I started to feel panicked…and then i saw a file in Phillipe’s hand.

-What’s there? In that file…

-Nothing important, Alicia. Now it’s not the right time to do this, the doctor said you need to rest…

-Show me…i wanna see. It’s for me, right? You said you have something to show me…i remember now, but i had the accident…

-Phillipe, don’t do this! You don’t have to…she don’t need to go trough this right now…

Peter was almost bagging him…

-Give me that!

The file opened and i saw…

People said that the a picture is worth like a million words. It’s true. I saw the truth. They say the truth will set you free…i didn’t felt free. I felt like i’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Pictures of Peter…with another girl. She looked like less then 20…a model from our…no, his agency. And more pictures with more girls. And one picture…Peter and Tess, kissing…Tess…

I felt the whole world spinning around me…and then black, all black. An intense and disturbing noise from some monitor, people talking around me…a distant pain in my arm…a voice telling something about the blood pressure…

I woke up in a white bed with a nurse next to me and a smiling doctor.

-Welcome  back! You had a shock and your blood pressure was extremely high. We stabilized you and we gave you some medication for the pain. You should feel sleepy. You’re staying here over night and i’m sorry but you’re not allowed to have any more visitors. The nurse will keep you company. Do you have any pain now? Is important to tell us if you feel any discomfort.

I thanked them and i said i’m alright. I don’t have any discomfort…

Just a burning pain in my heart. Like a knife cutting me in pieces…Of course, there’s no cure for that…

Tell me what’s wrong

“I saw myself as a concealed attraction
I felt you kept me away from the heat and the action
Just like a child, stubborn and misconceiving
That’s how I started the show…”

(ABBA-“One of Us”)

I should never ever do something like this…i’m probably going crazy…all the loneliness and sorrow had changed me. But nothing can justify what i’m about to do. Philippe is a stranger…and not the usual type of stranger. He’s mysterious, dark and pretty scary sometimes. All i know is that he’s a lawyer, a damn good one…but that’s not enough. And he knows my dad…but that’s also not enough…He never told me about his connection with Tess…but the way he talk was like he’s a part of that community. Do i really wanna have anything to do with this? No…But i feel a strange attraction every time i’m with him and now it could be the perfect time. I don’t really care right now about any boundaries…But Tess was devastated…Maybe i should just go home before is too late…home..where is home? I thought my home is where my heart belongs…with Peter. And it’s over…and i just wanna forget about everything…with Philippe…

-…yes, Alicia? You pronounced my name…

-oh, nothing. Just thinking about something…and i found myself talking…

-here’s your champagne…a glass of the best french champagne i could find…for the most beautiful girl i ever saw…

-thank you, Philippe…it’s really the best…

-Alicia…you need to relax a little…you look so tense…

-can you hold me? i don’t know why i’m like this…i mean, i’m not afraid of you, just that…i think i need to feel safe and protected…and wanted…i need you, Phillipe…

I must be pathetic offering myself like this to him…but it doesn’t matter anymore…he’ll make me forget…and he’s so attractive…his hands feel so good on my skin…i feel his body close to mine…i can only imagine how it could be to make love to him…he’s starting to kiss my neck…i wonder if he can feel how i’m melting in his arms…my skin is so warm under his touches. Am i ready to do that…the though of being naked in front of him…can i really do this…I don’t know him…oh my God…what am i doing…what if he’ll hurt me…no, he couldn’t do that…the way he’s kissing me…i feel so much desire in his kiss, but it’s like he’s controlling everything…he knows when to stop and when to continue…

-…you’re trembling…Alicia…look at me…are you afraid? I’m not going to hurt you…baby…what’s with these tears in your eyes…

-it’s nothing…i just wanna forget…i wanna make love to you, Phillipe…i’ll be alright…

He looked at me and i saw something in his eyes…it was more than desire…such a beautiful feeling. The feeling i was searching for…in wrong places. Till now…could it be possible?

-i wanna make love to you too…any man must be crazy not to want you…but tonight it’s not about me…and what i want. It’s all about you and what you need…

-yes…Phillipe…i want this…with all my heart…

He smiled and pulled me closer…

-then…let me tell you something…i think i know you better than you know yourself…and tonight you don’t need a lover…you need a friend, a really good one. You’re lonely and scared…he made you feel like you’re not worthy of anybody’s love…but i’m not gonna do the same. I’ll give you time to heal…i’ll hold you every time you need to be hold…i’ll be your friend and i’ll have your heart before having your body…

I started to cry in his arms…

-…what am i going to do…Phillipe…i can’t go back, i can’t see him again…and with you…i ruined everything…

-no, you did nothing wrong…What are you going to do? Well…you’re just gonna learn to live your life. For yourself…not for him. Tomorrow morning he’ll get your resignation…he’ll sign it, i’ll make sure about that. And after that you’ll start to rebuild your life. From zero…if you have to. I’ll be with you all the time. As your lawyer, as your friend…till you’ll be ready for more.

I felt like a baby who’s learning to walk. The night that changed my life…talking to him, walking hand in hand under the starry sky, laughing and crying the same time…

…and starting to live again.

I thought this love will never end…

“Rainy days never say good bye

To desire, when we are together,

Rainy days, growing in your eyes,

Tell me where’s my way…”

(Gazebo-“I like Chopin”)

The party was over…and there we were, in the pale light and the sweet sound of Chopin’s piano. After an evening full with polite words and meaningless smiles, small and empty talk, just to make everybody feel how important they are…hoping we’ll get all the support for our our new  cause. And it worked…wearing a light-blue dress and a perfect smile i was capable to make the polite conversation, ignoring the questions about my rich american fiancee (yes…someone said that and everybody took this news as real, even if i tried to deny)…

All i wanted, all i waited was to feel his arms around me. Peter’s arms…to dance with him, to touch him, to let him know he’s all i care about in the whole world. It felt so painful to pretend we’re only business partners, i could shout out loud that i’m in love…

-This evening was a complete success…ant it was all because of you, my sweet Aly. I’m so proud of you…you became such a classy business woman…

-No, Peter, it was…us. Every time we do something together, it’s just like magic. Thank you for believing in my idea and for supporting me in all these busy days. Can’t believe it’s over…

He pulled me closer to his body, kissing me softly. Magic was in the air…he looked in my eyes and i could see so much love, such a warm feeling…

-I love you…i whispered as my heart started to beat real fast…

-Aly…i have to ask you something…

I closed my eyes for one second, thinking that now is the perfect time. He’ll propose me…All my dreams will come true…a big house full with children…a backyard with a swing…

-…yes?…

-Who’s Philippe?

-…

-Aly…if you don’t wanna tell me, it’s ok. But, you know, he’s sending you red roses every day, people started to comment…they all think you’re with Matt…and it’s not good for our image on the market…

I tried hard not to cry…after all i promised myself to be stronger. The only thing he cared about was the business. And me…foolish dreams…

-I’ll tell you…Philippe is a friend of Tess. She introduced him to me and we talked a few times. Then he started to send me the roses. But why you care about this? It’s not like he’s the first guy who sends me flowers…or should i tell him to send the roses to my apartment? To avoid the comments…you know i never would do anything to affect your business…

-Now you’re being ironic…

-Not at all…i just thought you’re gonna ask me something else…

He smiled at me, looking deep in my eyes…

-Aly…i thought about something…we are so good together…maybe we should get married…what do you say?

It was not the kind of proposal i was dreaming about…but still…it was him…my only love. My eyes was filled with happy tears…

-Are you saying…you’re asking me to…Peter…you know how much i dreamed about this moment…

He continued talking like he didn’t saw my reaction. Like he had something to get off his chest…or a message to send…

-Of course…we should talk to our lawyers first…to have the prenuptial agreement ready in time. You agree with this, right, Aly? In case we’ll decide to divorce it will be much easier if we…you know, a divorce could be expensive and messy…it’s better to sign a few papers and we’re over with all the complications…

I felt like the sky was falling down over me…my knees was weakening and i felt like all the blood was drained out of me.

-Aly, honey…are you all right? Did you eat something today? Or just coffee? You’re so pale…like you’re gonna pass out…let’s seat somewhere…

I pulled myself from his arms…

-It’s over, Peter…

-What do you mean?

-We are over…so over…i can’t even look in your eyes now…i need air…i can’t breath in your presence…

-Don’t go…please, Aly…don’t leave like this…you’re not feeling good…you need to eat something and to sleep…and how do you mean we’re over…we were talking about marriage…

It was too late…i was running outside, away from him, away from this relationship that caused me so much pain…

The night was dark and cold…my tears were a painful reminder of so many other tears i cried for him…the phone interrupted my thoughts…it was Philippe…

-Hello, Alicia, sorry for calling you so late…i have a message from Tess on my cell…i think it’s for you…she say that she left Monte Carlo for a while and wish you all the best…something about an unfinished business in the US…want me to forward the message to you?

-Philippe…

-You cried? I can tell by the sound of your voice…now what happened?

-…nothing…me and Peter…we’re over, this time is for good…Philippe…can i come to your place? I need someone to hold me…i don’t think i can make it trough without you…

-You wanna spend the night with me? Are you sure? You’re more then welcomed…

I noted the address and took the first cab…thinking all the time that i’m probably crazy…searching for love in places where only madness lies ahead…

A different kind of game…

“I want to break free from your lies

You’re so self satisfied I don’t need you

I’ve got to break free

God knows, God knows I want to break free.”

(Queen-“I want to break free”)

Tess was obvious tormented…she reached out her hand and gave me a piece of paper…

-Here is his number…i’m so sorry, Aly…i told him all about you…

-All about me? You mean…God, Tessa, how could you?!

-He made me do it! And he told me to give you his number…but don’t call him!

-Tess…

I tried to be mad at her, but i was extremely worried…my friend, the one that always made fun about guys…the one who liked to humiliate any man in intimacy…how could one man reduce her to…that? Frightened, unable to explain, on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

-Tess…let me help you…i can see how afraid you are. He did something to you, don’t he? He’s hurting you? Is he blackmailing you about something? Tell me all about…we’ll find a way out of this…

-Stay out of this…

-You just told him all you know about me…it’s not fair…the Tess i know would never gossip about her best friend…

-Promise me, Aly…you won’t contact him…

-Sure, i promise.

And in the minute that she left my apartment, i was calling Phillipe. He was surprised…more surprised when i invited him to my place, in Nice. I told him that it’s my turn to offer him coffee. I felt sad…i really liked him. But the reactions i saw on Tess…and the way he talked to me before…

It was strange for me that i didn’t felt afraid…

One hour later

-Thank you so much for calling me and inviting me here. Your apartment is beautiful…and what a view you got there…

-I’m glad you like it. Phillipe…i hope that you can talk to me as friend, because what i saw before, at the coffee shop…let’s just say that it made me have second thoughts about seeing you again.

-So why did you do it? Why am i here? he asked calmly.

-I wanted to show you how i look without tears in my eyes.

He started laughing.

-You look gorgeous. Now…the real reason.

-Tess told you about me…my relationship with Peter, the way i mess it all up, now with Matt…I may be crazy, but i thought i could convince you to open up to me…tell me all about yourself.

-There’s nothing to tell. Just one thing…Theresa is in a bad state of mind, if you are her friend, take her to therapy. She played a game beyond her powers and when you play with fire, you get burned.

-I know…

-You know? How could you know?

-Look!

I showed him my burned fingers. He started laughing again.

-Look, Phillipe! Hand…fire…that’s the result. But it was Peter’s fault. He distracted me. All because he does not believe i can cook…and he does not even like me, not to mention about love. And see how strong i am? Not a single tear when i say this! I’m strong and brave and i’m not afraid so…you can tell me all about you and Tess. Now why are you laughing?

-You need to learn to say no…At least from time to time…You ever said NO in your entire life? It’s a power word…a safety word if you wanna think this way…only that you never use it. If you want…i can teach you. I promise you that saying NO to Peter (and to Matt and to Liz and maybe to your parents as well) will get you exactly where you wanna be. Think about that as if it were a new game…a different kind of game…

-Wait a minute…i said NO before. I know how to say NO. You don’t have to teach me that…

-Really…

He grabbed my waist and pushed me against the wall and, without having any time to analyse, i found myself unable to move. My heart started to beat faster…i could feel how strong he was…he was holding my both hands so i had no chance to push him. He gently touched my face, running his fingers on my lips, the look on his face made me think he’s gonna kiss me.

-Alicia…i want to kiss you…i can see that you’re frightened…maybe you don’t wanna do that…you need to tell me now…

I closed my eyes trying to concentrate…i couldn’t quite understand what he was saying. I wanted to reject him, to feel afraid of him, even to hit him real hard, but it was something else. I felt like all i want is just…to let this happen. I wanted him to kiss me…so bad…

-…if you’re not saying anything…i’ll just suppose you want me to kiss you. And maybe i’ll do more than that…

-NO!

He let go of me in the instant that i pronounced the word. I was still trembling…

-See…was it that hard? You need practice…try it, you’ll get more control over your life.

I was unable to speak. So…that was a game, a way to show me what he mean…he never intended to kiss me…God…i felt really stupid.

-Alicia…You know i wouldn’t do that…forcing a kiss. Our first kiss, if it will ever happen, will be because you want it too, not because i’m using force to make you do it. I’m sorry if i got too far with that…

-Let me try, Phillipe! NO, i don’t want to play this kind of game with you. And NO, you don’t have my permission to kiss me or to even touch me. Now our meeting it’s over. NO, you cannot stay here anymore. And if you do anything to Tess it will be a big NO to our friendship as well. Is it good, Phillipe? Satisfied?

He smiled…

And then he left.

Standing all by myself, crazy thoughts were running trough my mind. What if he’s right? I never said no to Peter…i was always there…giving in to his desire…to my desire. My insecurities, my fears…did i ever rejected anybody? No…because being abandoned was far more destructive to me then any other feeling. It’s not about feeling used…not physical. It’s about putting all my feelings and emotion on a silver plate. For him…

The Right One…

“She’s taking her time making up the reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes
Everyone’s got a theory about the bitter one…”

(Savage Garden-“To the Moon and back”)

Liz was sick, really sick…i felt so worried and, against Peter’s good judgement, there i was, next to her, with my chicken soup (made by Maria) and my good intention. Not enough…she could barely speak…

-Aly, i’m so grateful to you, you’re my best friend ever! Hope you’ll not getting sick too, for visiting me…and the soup is delicious…you burned your hand cooking for me…

-Try to get some rest, ok, Liz? I’m right here if you need anything…

-I feel like i’m gonna die…what if i’m dying…i gotta tell you…my worst regret is…you know…with Peter…

-You’re not gonna die, i promise you that! And i forgave and forgot all about you and Peter. Now, please, try to sleep…

-You’re happy with Matt…tell me Aly…can i ask you something really stupid?

-Try…

-You think that getting engaged after a few weeks of relationship is bad? My birthday is the next week and he want to propose me and give me the ring…i know…it’s so soon but i really think he’s the right one…charming, smart, carrying…and he loves me…and if you knew…he’s great in bed…

-Well, Liz, maybe he really is the right one…sounds like you found the perfect man. He’s french?

-No, italian…wait a minute…can’t believe how stupid i am…you know him…it’s Tony…he was your pillates trainer…

I though i didn’t hear it correctly…Tony…

-…Aly, you hear me? you’re very pale…i know…forgive me…you’re sad cause Matt is in the US and i keep bragging about my relationship…

-No…it’s ok…just remembered i have something to do…

Outside, the gentle wind made me realize the drama of this situation. I know Tony…i know him too well, we ended our relationship in anger. Could he really love Liz? He said i’m the love of his life…could this relationship with my best friend be something real…and if it’s not…what kind a game is he playing? I needed someone to talk to…i called my other best friend, Tess. She told me to come to the coffee shop…she’ll be ready in about half  hour…

I though that a nice strong espresso will wake me up to reality…espresso, he was making the best espresso ever. I started to remember…his hands on my body…the passion that we shared…the desire that made me give in to something i knew it’s wrong…God…i cheated on Peter…i lost the love of my life…i lost my Right One…and for what…and now…what if he’ll hurt Liz…another one that will suffer from my lack of …i felt big tears running down my cheeks…

-Two espresso…and a glass of water.

I recognized that voice…Phillipe! I felt like a great feeling of joy…he was there and i though i lost him…i was searching for him but he left the second day after…after i cried in his arms in his hotel room…

-I took the liberty of ordering you another espresso…i really think that your salty tears kinda ruined this one…And you need water too…the way your pulse is racing is like you’ll gonna have a panic attack…

-Phillipe! You’re here, can’t believe it…i jumped off my chair straight into his arms…i only met him once but i felt somehow connected…

-I’m here…couldn’t leave you like that…after all you made quite an impression on me that day. And you’re the same! Unbelievable! I let you crying, i found you crying…Alicia, gotta stop this…

-I can’t! Every time i think i’ll be all right, i just dig myself deeper and deeper. And that day…you were right…about everything. Even about Matt, unfortunately…

-Yes, your boyfriend…the worst kind of abuser…the frustrated boy who dates the most beautiful girl, plays all sweet and nice till he feel like he really has the control…that’s the point where the abuse begins…

-Phillipe, gotta ask you…you’re a therapist? You seems to know so much and you really read people…

-I’m the man who can change your life…if you let me. I can make you feel loved and protected…and i’ll never play with your emotions or with your feelings. Now drink the water and listen to me…i found your helpless innocent look really attractive…

I stared at him in a state of shock…there was something about his voice…

-Hey, Aly! I came as soon as i could…

Tessa’s voice was cheerful…till she saw me. Or, should i say…till she saw him. She took a step back, like trying to defend herself…her hands were shaking without control…i tried to talk to her but she seem in discomfort.

-Phillipe…now you started stalking my friends? I though we had an agreement…you can’t break your promise like this…and Aly it’s not…leave her alone…

-Now, sweetie…i think she can decide for herself…or you can’t…Alicia?

I started to feel weird, like in a bad movie. All seemed strange…Tess and Phillipe…they knew each other…and he was talking to Tess so disrespectful…calling her sweetie…too weird, like Tess was not herself anymore and Phillipe…

-Tess, what’s going on? I have the right to know…and you Phillipe…the way you were speaking before, sorry but it was just too weird. Thank you for the coffee…again. Maybe next time you’ll be more open and honest…

I left them, imagining all kind of things. The prospective of being loved and protected was tempting me but…again…what’s the price? I already payed way too much for this feeling. No, no more tears, they wont bring me back what i lost…

My Right One…is it just an illusion? And if it’s so…i lost it forever?…