“Steal my heart with every note you play
I pray you’ll look my way
And hold me to your heart someday
I long to be the one that you caress with
tenderness
And you don’t know
You don’t even know that I exist.”
(Toni Braxton-“Spanish guitar”)
The cold air on my skin was giving me shivers…a strange light…is it already morning? How could it be…it seemed like i only slept for a few minutes…my eyes were still closed and i could feel the traces of the tears that i cried…falling asleep crying was lately my only way…I held my breath for a moment realizing i’m not alone in the room. Someone was there, caressing my hair…for a moment i thought i’m dreaming…his strong and gentle arms holding me tight. He must sensed i’m cold…because now his hands were gently rubbing my bare shoulders, going down…
My breath accelerated while i could feel my heart beating so fast…memories came back…last night…i just wanted to erase them…For a moment i imagined myself lying there, on the big white bed, asleep, wearing that silky nightgown…i knew i’m almost naked and i could feel in his touches how much he loved seeing me like this. His body was warm and feeling him so close made me tremble inside. He kissed my closed eyes and the traces of my tears…i could feel his warm breath on my neck and i could almost sense him smiling when the goosebumps appeared on my skin.
Maybe i’m just dreaming, maybe he’s not even real…sleepy thoughts…should i open my eyes and regain my control…or should i lye there and feel…just feel…in my mind were playing different scripts…but how could i fight this pleasure…how could i struggle with my desire…because my body in his hands, under his kisses was like an violin played by an expert. And he knew…playing with his fingers, kissing, caressing…every sensitive spot of my skin…and the smell of his body…the sweet pressure…he was moving so gently, so careful not to wake me up…
Like a fantasy come true…later in the morning i’ll just pretend nothing happened…just a dream…but my body will know…My eyes were still closed…fighting the temptation of opening them…what’s the point of facing reality…he’s having the control…just like he wanted…and it was so easy to let him…just to let him…It felt like there isn’t really a choice…i didn’t really had a choice…and it felt easier just to accept his desire…
But the sensation was so real…how can i pretend anymore…it were waves of warm pleasure invading my senses…and any attempt of fighting was useless…is just too late…we’re making love…no, he’s making love and i’m just pretending i’m not there…but i feel him with all my body and soul…it’s just too much to keep inside and my tears were falling down my cheeks…He saw them…he sensed my inner struggle…cause i could feel him kissing me, touching my face with an infinite tenderness…saying it’s alright…
The silky fabric of my nightgown felt so cold on my warm skin…i could still feel my body trembling…longing to feel him again…he’s holding me so close…like he’s afraid i’ll vanish…I slowly open my eyes…the light of the morning sun is too bright and i want the darkness of the sleep back…i want my dream back…i’m just hurting inside, deep inside my heart…He’s asking me how i feel and i can’t talk…he understands. He tells me how magic it feels to hold me in the morning light…i just can’t stop crying…
His words are reassuring and his voice is so warm…telling me he never meant to hurt me…i believe him and i see the blue of the sky in his eyes. He’s kissing my hair and he’s trying to tell me something. But he just stops…i know what he feels…i can feel he’s going trough some struggles too…but what’s the point? I’m trying to tell him that i’m fine, but he knows i’m lying and he doesn’t let me speak…kissing me with a desperate passion…
Because we both know it’s over…
And we both know that no dream can come true in the light of the morning sun…
aliciabelle 