I’ll never forget you

“Cómo olvidar tus locuras.
Cómo olvidar que volabas.
Cómo olvidar que aún te quiero
más que a vivir, más que a nada.”

(Enrique Iglesias-“Nunca te olvidare”)

-I give you one chance…only one…to tell me the truth! And be careful, because your life may depend on what you’re going to tell me! Start talking Alicia!

-W…what are you doing? i asked trying to regain my voice. Phillipe was staring at me with a frozen expression, his eyes unbelievably dark. His hands on my neck, feeling my pulse under his fingers. There was nothing sensual about his touch and i felt nervous, almost afraid of what he might do.

-You were playing Second Life? Yes or no!

-Y…yes…

-Even if you said you deleted the account! You are a liar…you know what i do to liars? Well, you’re about to find out…

-No…i didn’t…

-So, you have a virtual relationship, a virtual lover? My wife is cheating on me right under my eyes!

-It’s not like this…

-So, how is it? Tell me, i want details. What is it that you need and you’re not getting from me? Or, better…let’s fix this! Let me give you what you really need…

He pushed me on the bed, making me lose my balance. With precise moves, like he could read my intentions, he grabbed my hands holding them above my head and blocking my every move with his body. I felt trapped and i could sense the panic building up inside me. I felt salt tears on the corner of my eyes…

-Stop whining! I don’t wanna hear one sound and i don’t wanna feel you moving! Don’t make me hurt you, Alicia!

He grabbed my hair and kissed me like never before. Biting my lips, invading my mouth, forcefully taking control over me…I closed my eyes thinking it will be over soon…

-Open your eyes and look at me! You like it, don’t you? It must be better then virtual sex, right? Right?! Answer me when i talk to you!

-Don’t…don’t do that…just stop…please…it was enough…

-Not nearly enough, honey! When i’ll be done with you…But let’s have fun now! I wanna hear you bagging! Bag me to stop! I love the sound…

-Phillipe…please…if you’ll do this…you’ll destroy me…us…I wanna save what we still have…

For a moment i though he’s gonna hit me…i couldn’t even try to guess what’s in his mind. And then the familiar sound of the phone. He instantly got up and answered. My body was still hurting with every inch…

-You’re lucky this time! When i’ll be back i wanna see you looking decent. You’re still gonna be punished…i will think of something worthy of your misbehavior…

-Where are you going? Was it a woman? On the phone…

His laugh was sinister.

-Baby, let’s say that she will give me something you’ll never be able to…

He left. Leaving me in tears, ravished and desperate…Don’t know for how long i just stayed there, holding the pillow in my arms, incapable to think or to feel. And then i felt like suffocating…

In the darkness of the night, i felt my eyes blinded by the lights of the street. The world was spinning around me and i remembered the feeling i had when that car hit me. A few months ago…the fear of losing my life…and now all i could dream was to let it all go. Am i really afraid? Losing my life…but i lost it already…strange thoughts running in my mind. There it is…the flashing lights…it’s closer…and i wonder if someone will miss me…and i’m afraid it will hurt…Can it hurt more? I’m already teared apart, it’s only one step more…and it will be over…and i’m taking the step…

-Aliciaaaaa!

Waking up in his arms…his voice like i remember, his touch…so gentle and tender on my skin. Am i dreaming? I opened my eyes…yes, it’s Phillipe…

-Phillipe…i know i was wrong…please forgive me…

-Baby, are you hurt? You could be death…what were you thinking…princess…that’s why i won’t ever let you alone again…

He took me in his arms, holding me tight with a gentleness i thought forever lost…

-Alicia, i’m sorry for losing my temper…it will never happen again. When i left i realized…what have i done to you. I guess you weren’t ready for a life with me…and maybe i need someone more submissive…But it’s you the one i love! And you just tried to take your own life…because of what i have done.

-I hate it…

-What do you hate?

-The dominance thing…the rules and..you’re so cold sometimes…and i never felt submissive…i’m sorry…i hate to ask permission and to be punished…

-And i hate sharing you! I hate Second Life! And the people who are taking you away from me! I hate that you spend time with another man…I hate that you lied…

I looked in his eyes…i saw only pain, devastating pain…

-Can we, please, start all over again? I wanna be what you need me to be…and if you need a submissive woman…maybe i should be the one for you. I will do anything to make you happy…

-Why? After all that happened tonight? Why?

-Because you saved my life…again. And you care…and if someday i’ll die…you’ll miss me…

-Baby…that day, i’ll die with you…this is how much i love you. So, you will delete your account?

-No.

I saw his eyes getting dark again, and i hurried to continue.

-You will. Starting from now, Phillipe…my laptop it’s yours, like everything i have…like everything i am…I want you to do whatever it takes…i wont touch it again. But can you promise me…?

-Anything you want, baby…

-Promise me you wont hurt me…

For a moment, i thought i see tears in his eyes. He leaned on me and kissed me tenderly, caressing my ravished hair.

-Alicia…my sweet Alicia…how could i hurt you again? I almost lost you tonight…let’s go…a new life is waiting for us to live and enjoy it…

-Home? i asked still scared of what happened in that place…

-No…i don’t want you to remember…i don’t want you to be afraid of me…we’re going right now in Provence…i wanna take care of you, to heal your bruises and to make love to you…slowly and gentle…till you’re ready for more…

Provence…the place where my new life can start…The place where my second life ended…forever. Because my heart cannot beat in two directions at the same time…and the real me needs more…

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