Wish i were you

“Can’t you see I can give you

Everything you need

I’m the one who want to love you more.”

(Celine Dion-“To love you more”)

-Tell me about this amazing guy you’re gonna meet next week!

-Ali, it wont be any amazing guy if i don’t find a proper dress to wear…I can’t go to the date wearing my uniform from work…

I looked at Anette trying to be as much sympathetic as she needed at the time. She really seemed upset and i wasn’t in my best mood…tired and sad after leaving the company…scared by the thought of working with (or should i say…for) Phillipe, still trying to adjust to my new life. A married woman…still couldn’t believe how my life changed in just a few months…

She interrupted my thoughts.

-Anyway, i shouldn’t bother you with my problems. I don’t even know why i told him to meet when i know my condition…cleaning rooms in the hotel…don’t get me wrong, Ali, i’m grateful for your effort to find me this job, is much better than being a servant to that i…sorry, to Phillipe. Keep forgetting he’s your husband…Know what? I’ll just cancel the date…he’s way out of my league…

-Why are you talking this way, Anette? You’re smart and beautiful and interesting. If he’s the one for you…he shouldn’t care about your pay check or the way you earn your money, right? And…know what?

-What?

-I have the perfect solution to your problems! I was afraid of saying before, cause i don’t want you to feel bad…but if i can help…Can i offer you a dress or a few dresses of my own? As a gift for you…i let you choose and you can try them at home…Will you?

I saw her blushing and i felt like doing a big mistake. And then i saw the tears in her eyes. I should have known…

-Anette, i’m so sorry…i never wanted to make you feel…

-No, Ali, it’s not this…just that no one before you…no one at all…was so nice to me. You’re like a sister to me…and i’m overwhelmed…cause you helped me so much…finding me a job…and with my mom’s treatment…and now this…And i’m still whining and complaining…But i’m just so insecure thinking i’m gonna see him for the first time…did i told you he’s a doctor?

-No, i only knew he’s from London and that you two met online on a chat room…didn’t knew he’s a doctor…that’s great!

-Here…i have a picture of him…see…he’s gorgeous. His name is Mark and i truly feel he’s the one for me…

She showed me the picture and i felt like falling in a deep swamp…uncontrollable feelings and my heart racing. Because in all this time i said to myself that i was dreaming…that he was only a vision from my tormented mind…but no, he is real…Mark…my Mark…i could still feel his kiss on my burning lips and his hands running trough my hair. AND IT WASN’T RIGHT! Someone i used to call “a ghost”, “a vision”…the love at first sight…maybe the love of my life…How could i be so foolish? He’s a real man! Using a chat room and dating Anette! My God…

-Ali…are you alright? You look like you just saw a ghost…Ali! You’re all white and trembling…

-No…i’m ok…I just didn’t eat lunch and i think i’m catching a cold or something…Now come on…i promised you a new wardrobe, right? Let’s chose some nice dresses for you…

two hours later

-Alicia…why is this woman leaving our home with a big bag full of dresses? I thought we talked about it…you know how i hate when you’re so friendly with servants…

Trying to cover my true emotions…still shaking from deep inside my heart…I smiled at him, looking into his eyes and putting my arms around his neck.

-Well…technically…she’s not your servant anymore…and she needed some clothes…you know, for the first date and a few more…hopefully…She’s dating some doctor from London and she’s so insecure about her look and style and intelligence…actually…her everything…So, i thought i can help with a few dresses…you know i have too many clothes…

Phillipe started to laugh as he held me tight in his arms.

-My sweet princess…always running to help the needy ones…but there’s a fact i should tell you. Look at me, Alicia, when i talk to you…Alright…A servant remains a servant! You can dress her anyway you want! And about her insecurities…don’t make me laugh…why in the hell is she dating a doctor? Well, she’ll have a major break down after the first date, believe me!

-Why do you hate her so much? Because she’s poor?

-Because she’s a garbage! A disobeying garbage! Who, by the way, insulted you! And never…not in a million years, i’ll never be able to understand why you care for her! Sometimes i feel that you just likes to be insulted and abused…your choices seem to show it…

I felt hot steaming tears running down my cheeks. I looked at Phillipe wanting…dreaming…that just for one second…it could be Mark the one who’s holding me…or i could be her…the one who’s gonna feel his arms around her…

Phillipe grabbed my face and wiped away my tears. He melted his tone trying to comfort me.

-I was too harsh…i’m very sorry for hurting your feelings. Alicia, i think you’re amazing but i also think you’re very naive sometimes…and i made a promise to protect you, remember? My beautiful wife…Look, you know i don’t care about the money you spend…give her money…help her financial…but stay away from her. I never wanna see her in our home again, or around you, princess…understood? Good, now come here…no need to cry, baby…i’m not upset with you…

So, was it the destiny? My destiny…or just a cruel joke? A chance to say good bye to him…to see him one more time and look into his eyes. A chance to ask him why…

Why didn’t he gave me a chance? Why did he turned his back on me like that kiss never happened? Why did he broke his promise…letting me believe it was all just in my imagination. And…my God…why now? Now…when is too late…

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Love of my life…

“You make me dream
By the look in your eyes
You give me the feel, I’ve been longing for
I wanna give you my soul
All my life
Cause you are the one I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been waiting for so long.”

(Scorpions-“When you came into my life”)

Undressing me with his eyes…holding me gently and still so tight in his arms. I know he can feel my heart beating faster and the warmth of my skin, like fire burning under his touch. His hands go slowly on my necked shoulders, while his warm breath on my neck is giving me goose bumps. He takes his time, never rushing these precious moments, savoring the smell of roses on my skin. My favorite perfume…cause every time i wear it my body feels mesmerized and i picture myself in his arms, making love…

He knows from the tremble of my body…he sensed what i want, what i’m longing for…He’s smiling, holding my face in his hands, his gaze going down on my lips. I remember the taste of his kiss…i wanna feel it again…I’m biting my bottom lip waiting, needing his touch…he’s caressing my hair making me feel safe and i wanna tell him…but his kiss surprises me…feeling his lips pressing against my lips, gently parting them and going inside…letting a soft moan escape when he feels the softness of my mouth. The hunger in his kiss makes my body responding and i’m melting in his arms. He’s having the total control over my senses, my body rushing into a new found sensation of pleasure…

Deep inside my conscious mind i wonder…does he really knows the power he has over my body and soul…can he really feel how i’m longing for his touch…his hands exploring my body, his mouth tasting, kissing, biting, teasing…letting all my inhibitions aside to give myself to him…completely and without any restrains…how could i deny him anything when he’s already having my heart and soul…the pleasure i’m feeling is beyond physical attraction…it’s the feeling of a spiritual bonding…It’s much more than making love…it’s letting him have the most intimate places in my heart…fulfilling all my fantasies and giving me the greatest gift: making him happy…

And sometimes i long for this…knowing that i brought a smile to his face, feeling his pleasure and desire. knowing he wants me just like i want him…there’s nothing i wouldn’t do to give him the feeling of fulfillment…being completely his is the safest feeling and the sweetest pleasure i ever felt…and when i’m lying in his arms, there’s no other place i could call home…and i never felt like this before…my vulnerability turned into strength…living and loving the way i know i can make him proud…

He’s the love of my life, my guardian angel and the One i never even dreamed to met in this lifetime. My love for him…beyond any reason or judgement, beyond any rule. Totally trusting, with a faith that amazes me…and getting stronger day by day. Love is giving, generously carrying and lightening the life of the loved one…

My love…Michael…this is for you…thank you for being here…for teaching me how to live beautiful and how to love completely.

Forever yours.