What’s the name of the game?

“Maybe you were right, but baby i was lonely,

I don’t want to fight, i’m tired of being sorry…”

(Enrique Iglesias-“Tired of being sorry”)

He was trying to look serious…Not a chance!, I said to myself…this is my kind of game…

-Come and get it from me if you want it…i said with a glorious smile,

-Give me the key! C’mon, Aly, i will be late! And i promised your father to stop by. Your parents are worry about you…they don’t even know where you are…

-Look…the key…and look what i’m doing with your key…take it if you dare…i can show you where i’m hiding it…i said placing the key in my bra…

-Now you’re challenging me! Let’s see…i’ll take all of your clothes…and then…the key…

-Now you’re getting! Finally..Matt, let’s see…what would you say if i throw away the key…and you’ll be locked with me all day long…

-I would say that you’re crazy…and that i adore you…

Matt was getting closer…he looked into my eyes and smiled…i knew that smile…

-I’m better then you…i said jumping on the bed…catch me if you can…i bet you can’t handle me…i’m thinking of keeping this key to myself…my god…i lost it…i cannot find it anymore…you’re stuck with me…i was laughing while i continued jumping on the bed.

Partly, i was right…in my agitation, the key felt on the floor…only that he wouldn’t saw it…

Matt was trying to stop me from jumping…so i ended falling in his arms…as he was gently laying me on the bed.

-And now…let’s search for that key…he started undressing me with very slow moves, kissing every part of my body. The sensations were all new…like nothing i ever experienced with him before…it was breath taking…a feeling of being out of control…I remembered how intense we were…8 years ago…how much we enjoyed making love…but now was different, he seemed different somehow…

-I remember…Matt…i tried to say something but i couldn’t concentrate…

-Are you sure…Aly…there’s no way back…if you’re not ready, say it…cause you started something and i can’t stop…

But i felt so sure about this…so ready to take him back in my life…how could i let him go before…just feeling his body on mine’s, his breath going faster and the beatings of his heart…he wasn’t that boy i left eight years ago…he was a man…completely changed. I felt unable to recognize him…the passion, the pleasure…all so new…it felt almost frightening…like a game that i knew i’ll never win…but the ecstasy i was experiencing was much more then a game…

And i wonder how did i manage to transform my life into a game…was it the search for the perfect romance that brought me here? Was it my obsession for a man that couldn’t give his heart to me? Or just…me being afraid of the loneliness…and trying to go back in time to recover my hope and my dreams…

-Are you ok, baby? You’re so quiet…i hope you’re not having second thoughts about us…

-Are we back together, Matt? i asked him, hating my insecurity…

-Of course, silly…what did you thought? But i need to be sure…because if you’re playing again…

-Never again…i’ll never do what i did before…i’m sure about that.

He kissed me and looked deep into my eyes…like he was trying to see my soul…

And being happy was so strange to me…If this is a game, i really don’t wanna win…not if it means that someone  has to lose…

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More than friends…(Part II)

“Wash away the thoughts inside

That keep my mind away from you,

No more love and no more pride,

And thoughts are all i have to do…”

(Josh Groban-“Remember when it rained”)

Laying on the bed, in the darkness of the room, surrounded by the moonlight and my favorite music, Matt’s presence seem the only real thing in the world…It was late in the night and the red dress was laying on the floor…i was wearing one of Matt’s white shirts, witch made me feel very close to him…I was only wondering what he’s thinking about…he was, after all, the perfect gentleman, carrying and protective, without a single word or intention of taking things a step further…he tried, because his body betrayed him, revealing me that he’s still very attracted of me…

He smiled, a charming smile that made me forget all my thoughts…

-Your turn…tell me about her…i asked trying not to spoil the magic…

-Her? You mean, my ex? Like you said…i wish that i could erase the last 8 years…and i know about the big mistake i did marrying her…if i only knew by then…

-Don’t say that…at least you have a child…a little girl…

-She’s seven…she’s the only reason for my marriage. After you and i broke up, i was…how to put this…i was confused…i met a girl, she got pregnant…end of story.

-But you divorced right after the baby’s birth. Why?

-Because i never loved her…i tried to do the right thing…young and noble…and foolish…

-Matt, i’m almost afraid to ask…your parents…they must think the worst of me…

-Well, Aly…to tell you the truth…

-Your mom still hates me? Like 8 years ago? he could read the sadness from my eyes…

-You know about my family, Aly…i don’t wanna hurt your feelings…i never hated you…and now you’re here in my arms…why does it matter?

-Right in this moment i hate myself…i hurt you and your parents…not to mention what i did after that…i’m horrible…

I started to cry and it was the most natural thing to let him hold me and comfort me…to feel his arms around me…

-I want you to sleep in my arms…just let me feel that we could be…once again…his voice was so reassuring…

-You don’t hate me? You’re not angry anymore? Matt, i just don’t wanna do anything to hurt you again…

-Aly…if you only knew…you talk about hate and anger and all i want is to feel you so close to me…to hold you and to dry all of those tears and to erase all the bad memories…and to make love to you…like you were always mine…my only love…

-I don’t know…

-Forgive me…i shouldn’t say what i said before…you’re hurting and i won’t do anything while you’re so vulnerable. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that i pressured you into..

-Can you just hold me? I feel so tired and all my decisions seems to be wrong…

I slept in his arms…it was like 8 years ago, but the feeling was still new and fresh. Is that what people call “falling in love”? Or was i just trying desperate to fill the empty places from my life?

The morning brought me sunshine…in my heart and in his smile. And, with the taste of fresh backed croissants and orange juice…life seem easier…lighter. He look at me like i was a miracle…i looked at him like he was my last chance, my savior…

-If you promise you’re not running  from my arms…i’ll tell you a secret…he said with a big happy smile…

-I promise…i smiled back to him…

-I think i’m in love…And it’s not Aly from the past that holds my heart…it’s you…the woman i see in front of me…I don’t want you to cry anymore…i don’t want you to try to change who you are…i don’t want a perfect girl or a perfect love…i need you in my life…

And without a single word, without a single thought…i kissed him…with all the passion and desire that can ever be in my heart…

His words…could they heal me? His kiss…could he protect me from my biggest threat? From myself…

More than friends…(Part I)

“This morning i begun to understand

That feelings can become so true…

I wanna be for you more than just a friend,

More than the others…you call them friends too…”

(L.C.-“Say something”) merci beaucoup, Laurent, pour cette belle chanson

-I can’t believe you’re not ready yet…Pick one dress…that red one…now the shoes…And hurry, you’re the main guest…it’s your party, Aly!

-I can’t believe you organised me a party, Tess! A break-up party…like in College! How did you manage to get all our friends so fast?

-I just told them that you and Peter broke up. They were curious to see you surviving the longest relationship ever…and the most boring one…And i felt bad after calling you closed minded…And about Tony…i was wrong…thanks god you’re out of that abusive relationship too…

-Don’t feel bad…i should never said anything…it’s not my business. Who’s coming to my party? i asked smiling to Tess,

-It’s a surprise party…so act surprised. Who’s coming…let’s see…Katherine and Maddie…and Johanna…and Jay and Stephen and the T. brothers…and Matt…and…

-You invited Matt? Tess…what am i doing now? I can’t see Matt right now…

-That’s why i told you about the red dress…

All the way to the party i felt like my feet were running back home…Matt…i didn’t saw him since we broke up, 8 years ago. I knew about his marriage, then his divorce…I was hoping that he will choose not to come…after all…we broke up in anger…

…and there he was…looking better then ever…and his smile as he came closer…

-Heyyyy, look at you Aly! Matt, step back…Johanna was hugging me with a joy that made me laugh…

-Everybody! Let her breath, Jo! said Tess as she was bringing the presents…now, what do we say?

-Happy break-up! And be blessed with a new exciting love! Cheer up!

-Guys…you are crazy! Thank you all so much…and Tess…you’re great…

The party went well…it was all i needed to relax and have fun…I almost forgot about them…my friends…i was so obsessed with Peter, always trying to make him love me…a never-ending compete for his love…But it was not the time to think about him…i could feel Matt’s look on me…and i caught his eyes a few times…

-Remember that guy…the hot one…

-Maddie, this was the statistics teacher…you didn’t really get to his classes…did you?

-Well, Kat…i was busy trying to get to his bed…remember that day…Banana Day…it should remain in history…

-I don’t know about that…now…tell us…Stephen was as curious as usual

-We were talking…me and Aly…and she said: i bet i can make him lose his self control…and she took a banana and started to…you know…like she was holding his…

-C’mon Maddie, i’m blushing…i said feeling the red color on my face…

-But you made him hurry to the bathroom…god knows why…but then Peter showed up and you were looking for a place to hide the banana…

Suddenly…they were so quiet…probably my expression when i heard his name…i felt the need for fresh air…I had to get out…i heard steps and i sensed that perfume…

-Alicia…i didn’t had the chance to talk to you…to tell you how sorry i am…i know how much you loved him…

-Matt…

-Forget about them…let’s go to a quiet place, we need to talk…we’ll take my car, ok?

-I don’t wanna go home…it’s so lonely in there…

-I was thinking more at my place…in Nice…what do you say? Then, we’ll have the hole night…

-Look, it’s much to soon for me…i just broke up with him…i can’t…

-Aly…look at me…i just wanna talk to you…and maybe hold you a little…i won’t take advantage…unless you ask me to…

And as i looked in his eyes, i didn’t saw the anger from the past, or the lust…i saw a man…a friend…maybe more. I felt like the last 8 years were just vanished…