Light of my heart and soul

“A silent wish sails the seven seas
The winds of change whisper in the trees
And the walls of doubt crumble, tossed and torn
This comes to pass when a child is born”

(“When a child is born”)

How am i going to tell him? What if…my God, is almost Christmas…next year the Christmas will be so different…

-Alicia…baby, you know how upsetting it is to me when you do this! You heaven’t called me for hours and when i call you, you’re asking me to come here…in this church…

-You like it? The church…i just came here and i lost the track of time…I’m sorry, Phillipe…i went to see the doctor today and the tests took some time and the results…i forgot to call you…

-No, my love…i’m sorry…i should had come with you…i completely forgot about your appointment. You’re upset…i’m so sorry…but at least you saw the doctor. Did you told him all about last week? That you passed out twice…and that you’re not eating anything and the headaches, nightmares…

-Yes, i did…

-So, did he gave you some vitamins? Or is it just emotional…baby, let me see your eyes, they’re red, you cried…Tell me all about…

-I don’t know how to tell you…

-Alicia, honey…any treatment you may need…i’m right here beside you…

-No…there’s no cure for what i have…

He took my face in his hands and my tears appeared in my eyes beyond my control. He looked down with a sad expression and then his eyes just became empty…

-That’s why you wanted to see me here. In a church…To tell me how i’m gonna loose you…Know what? I hate HIM! Yes, your God…and HE’s not winning this time! Cause if HE’s taking you away from me…i swear…i will burn every single church…from the ground…i will destroy every single trace of HIS presence on this world! Alicia…say something, baby…

-I didn’t meant to…oh, Phillipe…now you have to promise me two things…

-Anything, my love…

-First one: that you’re gonna love her, if is a baby girl…The second one: you’re gonna spare one church, cause we need it for the baptism…

-Are you saying that…

-YES! My love…you need to lower your voice, cause your son is listening to you, right now…Or your daughter…the doctor said is way to early to tell…we’re only 6 weeks old…

He took me in his arms and lifted me slowly and started to kiss me…dancing with me in the church…And when he put me down, i saw him kneeling at my feet, looking up at me…his eyes filled with happy tears…a light i never saw before.

-Phillipe…i’m sorry for scaring you like that…i didn’t knew how to tell you…i’m still in shock. Here…the doctor gave me this picture…wanna see our baby?

He helped me to sit down and sat next to me…his hands were trembling and when he took the picture he kissed it…

-Look at this tiny heart…

-Alicia…princess…is it real? My son…my precious baby…he’s so tiny now…tell me everything…you’re alright? And the baby?

-We’re both doing great. Me…i felt so sick because of the hormones, the doctor said is normal, he gave me something to help me with the morning sickness…And the baby…is perfect…he’s strong like his father…

-And handsome like his mother…my love…do you love me? Here…give me your hands, they’re so cold…from now on you are my one and only priority…i can’t believe i missed the first echography…what kind of man am I? What if the baby wont like me?

I started to laugh, with tears in my eyes…happy tears…

-Mon amour…the baby will love you…like i love you…You’re my man, my one and only…And we’re gonna be parents…imagine me, being a mother…

-The most beautiful, loving and sweet mother in the entire world! And i’m the luckiest guy ever…please, tell me you’re never gonna leave me…

-I swear it…you and the baby are my world…my life…i was a fool, crazy and selfish and you forgave me and you took me back home and now…now i have something to live for…my baby…ours…

He kissed me again and again…

-Princess, is cold in here…let’s go home, i wanna take care of you…you need to eat and sleep well…you’re carrying the most precious child in the entire world…my son…

Today i cried…I thought i’ll never cry again, i thought i’ll never feel…till i heard a tiny but strong heart beat…my child…And from that moment nothing mattered anymore except for this amazing love i’m feeling inside my heart and soul. My baby…he brought The Light back in my life, he’s the living proof that GOD does exists…And that HE’s always ready to forgive, to love and to give us a new chance…

The end. 

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Vanilla flavored

“I’d be smiling if I wasn’t so desperate
I’d be patient if I had the time
I could stop and answer all of your questions
As soon as I find out
How I can move from the back of the line”

(Emeli Sande-“Clown”)

-So…what did you thought when you saw my gift box with the pink ribbon? What did you imagined inside of it?

Phillipe started to laugh and i could tell from the look in his eyes that he’s happy, relaxed…it felt so good knowing i can make him feel like this, i really can bring these sparks in his eyes…

-Baby…the pink ribbon it’s one thing, but the scent of vanilla is the key here…the box has a strong vanilla flavor…so, i thought…

-Tell me…

-…a cookie, a teddy bear, even a pink underwear, for you to wear, of course…But, not in a million years…of course, i should never forget how surprising you are…Alicia…

I saw a shadow in his eyes and i put my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. It felt amazing…having him so close to me made me realize how much i want him in my life…forever…

He continued with a tempered tone, like being afraid to say the words.

-Baby, please listen to me…it was amazing…it felt like a dream come true, like fulfilling a need i almost forgot i have. I felt powerful, i felt honored by your trust in me, i felt excited like never before…but i can’t stop asking myself…you did it only for me? You felt somehow constrained, like it is your duty? Because i don’t want you to feel this way…

-Phillipe, i’m going to be very opened about this, to be honest…when i bought the handcuffs i did it only to look at them…i never thought i’ll be brave enough or that i’ll trust you enough…Mon amour, for me it was a shock to find out that the man i’m married with…wishes something different in intimacy, something like bdsm…i felt betrayed, scared, lied, abused…

His eyes were expressing so much regret, it almost melted me inside to see him so sad.

-Alicia, princess…my biggest regret is that i wasn’t honest with you from the start. I should had done it…you needed your freedom to choose. Now i know…

-Hey…don’t be so harsh to yourself…no…you never told me but there were so many signs…i just refused to admit to myself. Or maybe i just dreamed about changing you…it was unfair to you. So, you’re Dominant…so what? I still love you, i still wanna be with you for the rest of my life. The pink handcuffs…i guess they were my way of telling you that i wanna make you happy. That i trust you with my life…i trust you blindly and that i respect your decisions…I’m only afraid…

I stopped for a moment. He took me in his arms, keeping me warm with his body.

-Princess…what are you afraid of? You think i could hurt you…

-I’m afraid i’ll let you down…you see, mon amour…i wanna make you happy, but regardless of how hard i’m trying, i can’t be submissive…is not about intimacy…is about every day…Deep inside of me, there’s a rebel trying to escape…i can’t lock this side of me forever. And i admit…i’m terribly afraid of pain…

-Baby…causing you pain it’s out of discussion…i love every inch of your body…i only want you to feel pleasure from being touched by me…Alicia…how could you think of something like this…no wonder you were so scared every time…

-and i’ll never call you Sir! I can’t, Phillipe…i look at you and i see my lifetime partner, my man, my love…not my master…

-I look at you and i see my princess…the most beautiful woman in the whole world, the love of my life, the mother of my future children…not my sub. See? We’re not that different…And tonight you showed me all i needed to see…why would i ever ask you to call me Sir? And how could I? When i worship the ground you’re stepping on…

I felt my heart filled with a new feeling…hope…trust…He looked in my eyes and started kissing my neck. His eyes were playful.

-So…there’s a rebel who’s trying to escape…a beautiful sexy rebel…you know what i do with them, don’t you?

-Don’t know…throw them to the fire?

-Of course, we can start a fire…if i’ll kiss you here…and then move my attention to this little spot…But when i’m that lucky…to have a rebellious princess in my arms…i usually start by seducing her and then…we’re gonna make love…did i ever told you that…the scent of vanilla drives me wild…pure passion in her sweetest form…

And here’s an option i never took in consideration: having a happy marriage…I was used to fight, used to escape, even if it was in a virtual world once…but i never even thought that I could be happy. I never gave him a single chance, i never gave myself a single chance. Programmed for failure…sett to identify an aggressor in every person who ever got near me…when maybe the real enemy was living deep inside my own mind… 

This ain’t a love story…

“Vida, devuelveme mis fantasias
Mis ganas de vivir la vida
Devuelveme el aire…
Carino mio, sin ti yo me siento vacio
Las tardes son un laberinto
Y las noches me saben
A puro dolor…”

(Son by Four-“A puro dolor”)

Belle…love of my life…

Your curse functioned…i lost my peace of mind, my peace of soul..forever…My dreams are haunted by demons and the days…empty…and everything i touch turns into dust…And i have no right…i’m the sinner here…I broke your wings and I convicted both of us to living hell…Baby, if i could turn back time…

Belle…it seemed so easy to lock the door…just turn around and fulfill my dreams…now i wish i had one more chance to say to you: please, never leave me! My heart told me to stop you and i ignored…the “superior” reason won and now i’m lost…Tell me how to convince myself to wake up in the morning, knowing you’re not here beside me…tell me how to forgive myself…

You cursed me to a long life in misery…i’m already there, missing my Sun, my Joy, my Life…missing you with every piece of my broken heart. I’m such a fool…how could i try to save the world when i can’t even defend my love…Forgive me…or ask God for my forgiveness…cause He’s not answering anymore…My Angel…please…ask Him to release me from this cold, empty world…

Mark

I tried to ignore the tremble i felt inside me. Control yourself…words can’t touch you…words can’t harm you anymore…

-What do you say, Alicia…it’s probably a mistake but i wanted to be completely honest with you, so…when i saw the mail…

-Delete it! Phillipe, i’m starving…what’s for dinner?

-Wait…didn’t you read it? He wants you back, he’s regretting the moment when he took the money…my money…

-So what? He’s rich now…he’ll find some comfort…when he’s tired of playing hero…

He came closer and took my face into his hands. Looking deep in my eyes, touching gently my lips…

-Alicia…why are you like this? You think i like it? I know you’re hurting…i know you loved him and maybe you still do…i rather see you crying over him…

-I’ll never cry again! Never! Look…you’re my husband…the man who loves me, who cares for me…the man who’s holding me every night and the man who’s making my dreams come true. I belong to you…this is my place. On the other hand…Mark…who’s Mark?

-No one…

-Exactly! No one…so, my love…can we just forget him and concentrate on much more pleasant things…cause if you’re not taking me to dinner…at least take me to bed…

He carried me to the bedroom and everything seemed normal for a while. Because in my world normality is different from other’s normality…and this makes her precious and rare.

Me…my life…my world…who am I? No one…

Exactly. No one.

To save a single life…

“It just ain’t the same, old ways have changed
New days are strange, is the world insane?
If love and peace are so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don’t belong?”

(Black Eyed Peas-“Where is the love?”)

The Wizard took my hand and leaded me to the gates.

-What’s going on…why is my Castle turned to ruins? Who did this? He will be punished! Where are my servants? Where’s the King? I want them all gathered here, around me…we’re gonna rebuild the Kingdom. Where is everybody?! Answer me, Wizard or your head will fall at my feet!

-Princess…there’s no one left…don’t you remember? You slept for a thousand years and we couldn’t find you…the new world arrived and they showed no respect! 

-They will be punished! All of them…till the last one! Wizard…give me the mirror! I wanna be beautiful for the King…My favorite mirror…is broken! Fix it now, Wizard! I can’t see myself!

-Your Highness…the mirror isn’t broken…but shadows has no reflection…

-I’m not a shadow! I’m alive…and i’m in pain. Do something, Wizard, the fire is burning me alive! I wanna see the King! Where’s the King? Philippe…

-Baby, i’m here! Alicia…open your eyes, you were calling my name! Sweetie…you look so tormented…like you had been seeing a ghost…

-You’re here…please hold me tight…i had a terrible nightmare…i was a Princess, but i was just a shadow and fire was burning me…and you weren’t there…

-My love…you truly are a princess in my heart and in my eyes…My Princess…relax, it was only a dream…i guess that returning home was hard for you…and you still heaven’t told no one that you’re here…

-Is still early…seven in the morning…why aren’t you in bed?

-I wanted to surprise you in the morning…i opened an account on your name…with enough money to buy yourself a small castle…

-Thank you, Phillipe…mon amour…my castle is in your arms…i don’t need another one…but thank you for making my dreams come true…

-and i also took care of the trash called Annette…she’ll never work in Monaco again…The clothes you gave her…expensive ones…i took the liberty to wrote her an email…all the dresses will be taken and donated to the shelter for abused woman…if you agree, of course…

-You are amazing! Thank you for being so generous…what about the money i gave for her mother…for the surgery…

-Well, i checked and the story is true…i though about stopping the payment…wait…the trash wrote a response to my mail…

-Let me see…please…

-No, Alicia…she’s not worthy…

-Don’t worry…i’m not gonna fall…you’re here with me and i feel strong so…

“Alicia, i know you’re behind all this…be careful. You’ll never know when and where something terrible will happen to you…cause it will! I’ll never stop haunting you, bitch…And the day of my revenge will come sooner than you expect it. By the way…you don’t know who you’re married with…” Annette

Phillipe almost smashed the phone on the ground. He looked so angry and hateful…i could see it in his eyes, the dark and cold feeling. A feeling i recently knew myself…

-That’s it! I’m stopping the payment and the old witch can die…this is a limit she wasn’t allowed to cross…never!

-No…mon amour, Phillipe…i helped her mother because she’s helpless…i don’t want her to die because of me. Just send her the money she needs for the surgery and after that…she’s on her own…

His voice sounded harsh and cruel.

-Baby…she’s going to pay for treating you like this…If her mother is gonna die…is because of the daughter she raised…not because of you! Now i don’t wanna hear another word…you promised to do what i’m telling you to do…go back to sleep. I’ll make sure that the trash will feel on her own skin how is it when something terrible is happening…Go back to bed, Alicia, i’ll be with you in five minutes.

I closed my eyes but there was no trace of sleep…What’s wrong with me? Someone’s hurting in a hospital bed…i could save a life and i’m just laying here looking at the ceiling. I wish i could cry…

-Alright…come here in my arms…you’re so cold, let me warm your feet…

-Phillipe, i…i’m sorry…i wanna be respectful and i really wanna show you the obedience you want…and…please, don’t get me wrong…

-What did I told you? No word about the subject! I am not going to change my mind…and don’t even think about using your bank account…

-no…i didn’t thought about…Phillipe…no…i’m really sorry…i’ll do whatever you tell me to do…

He looked surprised and a little amused. And then i saw a spark in his eyes as he started to kiss the back of my neck, undressing me slowly with his hands.

-Look princess…since you were so sweet and good these days…maybe i’ll think about rewarding you…Yes…you just drive me crazy with your big brown eyes, looking so helpless and willing to please me…and when i feel you trembling in my arms…well…how could i deny you anything…so…you wanna save the old witch’s life…

-yes…

-show me how much…and if i’m satisfied…

-i’ll do anything for you…thank you so much, Phillipe…

And something was crystal clear to me: saving the whole world is worthless if during the process you’re losing a soul…a single life may be more important than the whole Universe…

And…oh…is so easy to talk about loving God…and so hard to love his human creations…

Over the edge

“Tears of love, tears of fear
Bury my dreams, dig up my sorrows
Oh, Lord why
the angels fall first”

(Nightwish-“Angels fall first”)

-So…the red one or the black one? Or do you like the purple one? Mon amour…take a good look and help me choose…you know i’m helpless when it comes to decisions…

-Alicia…you look stunning no matter what you’re wearing under your clothes…let’s buy them all…

-No…you’re not getting away with this…come closer and feel them…let’s start with the red one…

I took his hand and leaded him in the small dressing room. We were surrounded by mirrors and, a few steps away, people were buying things…I leaded his fingers on the cup of my bra…

-Feel it…is soft and smooth and it’s a perfect fit…now, what do you say about the panties? Here…the red silk gives me the sensation of warmth, can you feel it too?…is like when you touches me…there…i’m melting inside…

He let a soft deep moan escaping from his lips while i pressed my body against his…

-Baby…what are you doing to me…and we’re in public…

-I’m just trying to decide…maybe i should show you the black one…please, can you help me…i need to take off these…

-Alicia…no…let me…

He pushed me gently against a mirror and pulled my hair exposing my neck…laying small kisses all along my neckline, going down on my shoulders…biting softly…i used my hands to grab his hair…i closed my eyes letting the pleasure to take control…

-Baby…i think we’re absolutely gonna buy those panties…they are a little wet…and i’m planning to make them even more wet…now don’t move…i guess you were right about melting inside…

I moaned louder biting my lip while he continued to kiss me all over my body. The sensation was overwhelming and feeling him inside made me lose my self control.

-You are perfect…baby…tell me if you want more…

-Yes…please…don’t stop…

-What…what do you want me to do to you? Say the words…

-I want…i need…make love to me…Phillipe…please…

Maybe the excitement of being nearly caught, maybe the red underwear, maybe the feeling of being on the edge all the time lately…maybe all these combined…i felt like falling without control…without even knowing when it all stopped…

He was smiling, stroking my back, touching my face…

-Phillipe…it was awesome…i can’t even speak…

-Sweetie…i’m crazy about you…remind me to take you to shopping more often…

-Yes…and to satisfy my needs constantly…now how can we go out without being caught?

He started to laugh  and helped me get dress.

later, at the hotel

-so…my handsome, brilliant and, not to forget, rich husband…saved me from trouble again…Phillipe…what did you told to that girl about my wet panties?

-the truth…that i seduced you in the dressing room…

-noooo…you didn’t! you told her that…we had sex in public?

-of course…and i also told her that you almost passed out because of the intensity of your orgasm…and i asked her to clean the mirror…and to make these dressing rooms bigger…

-but…we could had been arrested…

-No one arrests my adorable wife! Believe me, baby, she did cleaned the mirror…and she said “thank you, Sir” at the end…

-so…do you want me to tell you “thank you Sir”? You kinda made me beg you…and that made things even hotter…

-I just want you to be yourself…you’re changed…somehow…and i’m not sure if you’re happy…but i know I am…Alicia, i’m amazed…it’s like all i ever dreamed…you’re giving me now and is perfect…the control i need to have…

-You need to control me in order to love me…you need to feel a power over me…i know it now and i accept it…willingly…your happiness means everything to me…if you need to dominate me…i’ll give you total control…

-because you love me?

I nodded.

Because i don’t care anymore.

No more illusions…(part two)

“All this time I can’t believe I couldn’t see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don’t let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life”

(Evanescence-“Bring me to life”)

The Montcalm Hotel, London

Don’t feel, just think…don’t ever feel anything…you’re frozen, let your mind do the routine and froze everything else…you’re functioning very well, breathing and living even if he’s gone…no…he doesn’t exist…don’t feel…

The hot water relaxed me enough to be calm…i surprised myself with my inability to cry…And all i kept repeating to myself was that i have no more tears. Looking in the mirror i saw a pale shadow…that’s not me anymore…but i still can make it better…my hair falling free on my shoulders, a trace of perfume, the natural colors on my makeup, wearing nothing but his white shirt and a white underwear…Brave enough to go out of the bathroom and show myself in front of him…

And his smile said more than words…

-So, do you like the suite? I asked them the lavender fragrance and red satin sheets…i also requested wild flowers…

-Is amazing…you did all these things for me…i truly appreciate it…i’m a little hungry but there’s no rush if you wanna talk…

-Your wishes are my commands…butter flavored croissant sounds good? With fresh orange juice…a light french breakfast special made for you…and a red rose…please join me to breakfast…

He took my hand and helped me with the chair…I looked at him and wondered about his feelings…

-Now…how do you feel, Alicia? How do you really feel?

-Guilty, stupid, angry at myself…

-Good…Alicia, you broke my heart…not to mention that you costed me a small fortune…but i guess is alright as long as i found you…Don’t say anything now…i know all there is to know…

I looked down…taking his hand and placing it on my cheek…he lifted my chin and continued talking, looking deep into my eyes…

-You know, baby…i understand you…i can’t accept it…but i understand. You thought you found the love of your life…and you ran away with him. So romantic…but you see…people can be so weak and predictable…all he wanted was to save the orphans from Kenya…i gave him enough money to build a school or a church or…anything else…and he took the money. He sold his soul…just to feel in peace with himself…i’m sorry you’re hurting…

-No, Phillipe, not anymore. Is true…i thought i’m in love but he proved to be an idiot and the Light doesn’t exist…The only truth is that humans are selfish, proud and stupid and i’m no exception…

-Alicia, i can buy anything…anyone. Every person has a price, i’m not talking about money…offer them what they think they need…and it’s over…over with love, faith, morality. Too easy…till i found you…you’re the only one i can’t buy, you don’t need anything i can offer…that’s what’s making you priceless…

-How about you, Phillipe?

-Me…i only want one thing. I want you! Not your body…i want you to love me, to adore me, to obey to me…And i’ll do anything to have you. I’ll pay any price…

-You would lie…black mail me…

-I would lie, cheat, fight, kill…yes…i would use anybody and anything, even that child, Robby…I thought i found out what your price is…a child’s life. But i was wrong…i wont say i’m sorry, cause i’m not…i still want you and i’m still willing to do whatever it takes, except for one thing. I’ll never force you again…never. I’ll never hurt you again…i won’t even touch you if you don’t want it…

All this time i finished my breakfast…his words were passing by and all i could think was that people really sell their souls. Where’s my soul, do i still have one…and suddenly i remembered how Mark said i’ll be rewarded for “my sacrifice”…i remembered that dark cold feeling of hate and i felt it again. When i spoke it wasn’t even my voice…

-You are right. You were right all the time and i was blind. The idiot sold his soul…everybody does it! If i had one, i probably sell it too…but my soul died, along with the Light and Love. There’s nothing above us…God never left me because He was never there…So, take me as i am, cause i’m yours. I give myself for free…no price at all…

-Alicia…i’m impressed…

-But i need your help, i need you to teach me…i need a strong man by my side, someone who could lead me. I’m willing to learn, to obey…just be patient with me. Your rules are my rules now. I am yours and i belong to you as long as you’ll want me. I want one thing in return…

-Anything you wish…is yours!

-While i was gone, a few people disrespected me. Servants…you told me to stay away but in my stupidity i thought they are my friends. I want them to be punished…Maria, Annette…i want you to let me deal with them. I want them out of Monaco with nothing but the clothes they’re wearing. And about Helen…a liar…claiming that her own child is dying…Helen will lose everything, especially her rights over the child. I also want a bank account…of course you’ll be in control…and my legal rights over the company…i’ll let the old fool to be in charge but i want full control and the possibility to take action…And i want my engagement ring back and a new set of clothes. I wanna throw away these old junks and change my style…So…what do you say…is it too much?

He looked at me amazed…and then he took out of his pocket something…he took my hand and placed the black diamond ring on my finger…Then he leaned over, taking my face in his hands and kissed me…a hungrily kiss…devouring desire…and i found myself responding to his kiss, eager to feel his body against mine…

-Baby…if we don’t stop now…i wont control myself anymore…and i wanna give you time, so…

-What do you say, Phillipe…will you do what i asked you…

-There’s only one thing i can say: Welcome back, Princess!…

Don’t feel…don’t ever feel…cause feelings destroyed you once. Don’t ask yourself why you can’t cry anymore…don’t wonder where’s the compassion and love you once felt…This is new to you…is cold and dark and there are no Angels in here…

Pieces of my broken dream

“I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all”

(Phil Collins-“Against All Odds”)

-Let me do this…you know how much i love to feel the touch of your hair…so smooth…like silk…

I smiled at him. Phillipe started brushing my hair with slow moves, touching it like it were something precious. I felt so relaxed and it was a new sensation of being safe.

-I could get used to that…

-You should, sweet princess, cause i’m gonna take care of you…baby…i never felt so much love. You’re so beautiful and you’re all mine…

He stopped for a moment and turned me to face him. He had something in his hands…

-A gift? For me? What is it?

-It’s a reward. For you, for being so sweet and good and acting so responsible. It’s yours, open it.

I took the ribbons off and my heart jumped with joy seeing a beautiful reply of the house from Provence…made of wood. Like a fine piece of jewel.

-It’s beautiful! Thank you, i love this home and now i can carry it with me anywhere i’ll go!

I jumped in his arms, giving him a kiss.

-Baby, i wanna see that spark in your eyes all the time! It’s yours! I know how much you like the house and we share a very precious memory there. And i don’t want you to feel like a guest…you’re my world, my only love…

-Wait a minute! Phillipe…you’re talking about the house…the real house? You wanna give me the real house? But why…i cannot accept it!

He started to laugh.

-Of course is about the real house! And you can keep the little one too, it has a dedication written on the roof. See? “For Alicia, the love of my life, the light of my heart and soul!”.

I felt overwhelmed.

-Phillipe…i…i don’t deserve it…i mean…it’s yours and i…i’m sorry…i can’t…

-Ssssshhhhhsss! Of course you can! It would mean the world to me if you’ll accept my gift. So, whenever we’re going to Provence, we’ll stay at your place…

-I…i don’t know what to say…

He took me in his arms and kissed me, grabbing my chin and looking into my eyes with a feeling of tenderness.

-Well, you don’t have to say anything. Just sign the papers…baby…what’s with the tears?

-Why…after all that happened…

-Because i can and i want! And because i love you, i wanna give you a shelter, a feeling of being safe and it’s the only way i know how…And because you were a good girl…no phone calls, no internet, no going out without my permission…you followed all the rules and i know it’s not easy for you. That’s why! And for renouncing to Second Life…

-I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. If Second Life is a problem…

-Baby…i hate that game! And the though of you being with someone…but you’re starting to forget, right?

-I never tried again…after you deleted my account…

-I know…

-Phillipe…my phone…all my conversations are recorded?

-Yes. And i placed video cameras in the apartment…and your laptop is checked daily. And i hired someone to observe you when you’re out of the house without me. It’s the normal thing to do. Alicia…i’m protecting what’s mine. All i want is for you to forget him…forget Second Life. I want you to do it willingly…but there’s always another way…

I stood quiet in front of him, thinking of a warm place with warm arms wrapped around me…

-Baby, what’s wrong?

-I’m cold…i’m tired and cold…and i can’t fight this feeling. It scares me to feel so cold…

-What do you mean…cold? Your skin is warm, hope you’re not getting sick…

-Phillipe…it’s like i’m in the middle of a dream, a beautiful dream. And then something is breaking and i feel like walking on glass and cutting myself with every step i’m taking. And the pain is cold…unbearable cold.

-Alicia…look at me. Stop talking like this…stop crying. If you’ll follow the rules, like you did so far, maybe i’ll think about giving you more freedom. What do you say, baby? It’s up to you…now be a good girl and sign the papers, this house needs a new owner! Good…this is the way i like it…you, doing what you’re told to do…princess…you makes me very happy!

-Thank you, Phillipe. I’m sorry for being so sensitive…of course i understand and i’ll do whatever it takes…

-Baby, it’s all i need to hear. And Alicia…don’t ever try to lie or to cheat again! Remember who you belong to…

I closed my eyes, still feeling tired and cold. His arms around me…he loves me, he wants to give me his whole life. In return i only have to give away my freedom…it’s not that hard…

But forgetting…it’s just impossible…How could i forget him? My love…the man who made me dream and love and fly without wings…When every step i’m taking, every song, every dance, every place…reminds me of him. Leaving him without even saying good bye…how could i ever forget or forgive myself? Every night i feel like pieces of a broken dream are haunting me and the days…the days are just empty…and there’s no one…absolutely no one who could hold me and love me the way he used to…