To save a single life…

“It just ain’t the same, old ways have changed
New days are strange, is the world insane?
If love and peace are so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don’t belong?”

(Black Eyed Peas-“Where is the love?”)

The Wizard took my hand and leaded me to the gates.

-What’s going on…why is my Castle turned to ruins? Who did this? He will be punished! Where are my servants? Where’s the King? I want them all gathered here, around me…we’re gonna rebuild the Kingdom. Where is everybody?! Answer me, Wizard or your head will fall at my feet!

-Princess…there’s no one left…don’t you remember? You slept for a thousand years and we couldn’t find you…the new world arrived and they showed no respect! 

-They will be punished! All of them…till the last one! Wizard…give me the mirror! I wanna be beautiful for the King…My favorite mirror…is broken! Fix it now, Wizard! I can’t see myself!

-Your Highness…the mirror isn’t broken…but shadows has no reflection…

-I’m not a shadow! I’m alive…and i’m in pain. Do something, Wizard, the fire is burning me alive! I wanna see the King! Where’s the King? Philippe…

-Baby, i’m here! Alicia…open your eyes, you were calling my name! Sweetie…you look so tormented…like you had been seeing a ghost…

-You’re here…please hold me tight…i had a terrible nightmare…i was a Princess, but i was just a shadow and fire was burning me…and you weren’t there…

-My love…you truly are a princess in my heart and in my eyes…My Princess…relax, it was only a dream…i guess that returning home was hard for you…and you still heaven’t told no one that you’re here…

-Is still early…seven in the morning…why aren’t you in bed?

-I wanted to surprise you in the morning…i opened an account on your name…with enough money to buy yourself a small castle…

-Thank you, Phillipe…mon amour…my castle is in your arms…i don’t need another one…but thank you for making my dreams come true…

-and i also took care of the trash called Annette…she’ll never work in Monaco again…The clothes you gave her…expensive ones…i took the liberty to wrote her an email…all the dresses will be taken and donated to the shelter for abused woman…if you agree, of course…

-You are amazing! Thank you for being so generous…what about the money i gave for her mother…for the surgery…

-Well, i checked and the story is true…i though about stopping the payment…wait…the trash wrote a response to my mail…

-Let me see…please…

-No, Alicia…she’s not worthy…

-Don’t worry…i’m not gonna fall…you’re here with me and i feel strong so…

“Alicia, i know you’re behind all this…be careful. You’ll never know when and where something terrible will happen to you…cause it will! I’ll never stop haunting you, bitch…And the day of my revenge will come sooner than you expect it. By the way…you don’t know who you’re married with…” Annette

Phillipe almost smashed the phone on the ground. He looked so angry and hateful…i could see it in his eyes, the dark and cold feeling. A feeling i recently knew myself…

-That’s it! I’m stopping the payment and the old witch can die…this is a limit she wasn’t allowed to cross…never!

-No…mon amour, Phillipe…i helped her mother because she’s helpless…i don’t want her to die because of me. Just send her the money she needs for the surgery and after that…she’s on her own…

His voice sounded harsh and cruel.

-Baby…she’s going to pay for treating you like this…If her mother is gonna die…is because of the daughter she raised…not because of you! Now i don’t wanna hear another word…you promised to do what i’m telling you to do…go back to sleep. I’ll make sure that the trash will feel on her own skin how is it when something terrible is happening…Go back to bed, Alicia, i’ll be with you in five minutes.

I closed my eyes but there was no trace of sleep…What’s wrong with me? Someone’s hurting in a hospital bed…i could save a life and i’m just laying here looking at the ceiling. I wish i could cry…

-Alright…come here in my arms…you’re so cold, let me warm your feet…

-Phillipe, i…i’m sorry…i wanna be respectful and i really wanna show you the obedience you want…and…please, don’t get me wrong…

-What did I told you? No word about the subject! I am not going to change my mind…and don’t even think about using your bank account…

-no…i didn’t thought about…Phillipe…no…i’m really sorry…i’ll do whatever you tell me to do…

He looked surprised and a little amused. And then i saw a spark in his eyes as he started to kiss the back of my neck, undressing me slowly with his hands.

-Look princess…since you were so sweet and good these days…maybe i’ll think about rewarding you…Yes…you just drive me crazy with your big brown eyes, looking so helpless and willing to please me…and when i feel you trembling in my arms…well…how could i deny you anything…so…you wanna save the old witch’s life…

-yes…

-show me how much…and if i’m satisfied…

-i’ll do anything for you…thank you so much, Phillipe…

And something was crystal clear to me: saving the whole world is worthless if during the process you’re losing a soul…a single life may be more important than the whole Universe…

And…oh…is so easy to talk about loving God…and so hard to love his human creations…

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Don’t say the words…

“Tell me…tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you’re so sure
Please don’t tell me that I’m the only one that’s vulnerable”

(Secondhand Serenade-“Vulnerable”)

-You’re not going anywhere! You’re gonna stay right here and explain to me! Yes…right now! Where were you last night?

Phillipe was starring at me without any intention of dropping the subject. I was still euphoric after my night with Peter…my “good bye night”. Strangely, i felt only joy, not a single trace of guilt…in fact, i felt more free like never before. I needed that night to have my closure to a love that never seemed to end, to a relationship that never seemed to work.

And here i was, in the middle of a messy situation, the kind of things that i’m specialized to create. Still with my heart so easy and full of joy. Phillipe, on the other hand, didn’t seemed to enjoy it too much. He was fixing me with a dark look, dangerously close to my body. The thought that he might know…I felt so relief that i had the chance to shower at Peter’s home…

-You know how afraid i am to sleep alone…

I looked in his eyes with the most innocent look, trying to melt his anger.

-This doesn’t answer my question. I was calling you the whole night and your cell was closed. Do you realize how angry i am right now? How many times do i have to tell you…

-Well, i never agreed to your rules! I think they are ridicule and embarrassing and i’ll never follow them!

His eyes were like fire, a cold fire burning inside him. I tried to turn my back at him but he grabbed my hands holding them tight and presing me against the wall.

-I told you…you’re not going anywhere! How are my rules? Tell me once again!

-Yes, gladly! Let me think: don’t leave the house without asking permission…ridicule! And…always answer to the phone…impossible! And…yes, my favorite…don’t mix with the servants…like you are above them! The most annoying one…don’t work in the house…like i’m some porcelain doll made only for your pleasure…Sir…!

-Alicia, if you don’t stop it right now…

-What? Oh…i’m so afraid…the scary creature is gonna eat me alive…save me, prince of darkness…

I started to laugh…feeling a strange mixture of anger and fear. My heart was beating so fast and my breath started to fastened. I looked into his eyes, biting my bottom lip in anxiety. He grabbed my chin with one hand, still holding my body captive against the wall…I closed my eyes and he kissed me. And i felt it was more than a kiss…all the anger turned into passion. His gestures showed no gentleness or tenderness but i could feel how he’s trying to control something inside him. At the end, i felt breathless and speechless…and i couldn’t hold my thoughts.

He spoke first.

-I don’t recognize myself around you. Sometimes, baby, you push my limits to the edge. Look at me…Alicia, don’t cry…

-I’m so…sorry…

-Baby…no, it’s alright! Maybe i need to rethink the way i’m living. You came into my life like a little storm, ravishing all around you…

-Do you still love me? I have to tell you something…

He softly touched my cheek, going slowly down on my neck.

-Phillipe, don’t…is about last night.

-Yes…you were afraid to sleep alone, so you got out the house and walked on streets alone the whole night…

I kept the silence. His tone became frustrated…

-Right, princess? Is this what happened, alright? And, now…i’m gonna say one thing and listen to me carefully…if you’ll ever do this again…you are gonna regret it for the rest of your life. Understood?

-yes…whatever…

-Don’t talk back to me, cause you’re in trouble…I hate cheaters and liars…Alicia, don’t push my limits this way…ever again.

-I understand, Phillipe…

He smiled at me like smiling to a child who just answered right…

But i didn’t felt like a child…i felt like an adult who’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I knew it from the start…there’s no trace of maturity in cheating and lying. And i’m just wondering…forgiving myself so easily…isn’t it just a better way to cover my true emotions? Being vulnerable is the easiest thing to me…like my true nature. But what’s beyond this? Who’s the real woman behind the foolish mistakes…

Never sell my soul…

“I know you think you’d never be mine
Well that’s okay, baby, I don’t mind
That shy smile’s sweet, that’s a fact
Go ahead, I don’t mind the act.”

(Enrique Iglesias-“Sad eyes”)

Work! Stop thinking about him! Just work and ignore the rest! How can you do that? Thinking of another man when Phillipe is right here, next to you? Just keep working!

-Hey, you two love birds! The boss want to talk to you and i got the pleasure to tell you that it’s serious! Can’t wait to see your faces when he’s done with you…

Now what i’m going to do? My dad must know about me and Phillipe…it’s against the rules of the company…and i signed the contract knowing this! And look how mean is this guy saying all this…he doesn’t even pretend to like me…

-Phillipe…what if he…

He smiled at me and took me by my shoulders.

-So what? Let him find out! What can your father do to you, princess? Throw you out of the company? Don’t think so…He’ll be angry for a while, but i guess he’ll be like that no matter who you’ll be dating. His precious little girl…no man will ever be good enough for you, Alicia. So, relax and let me do all the talking. I’m your lawyer, right?

And here we are! In my father’s office…he’s looking so serious. I try to read in his eyes and i see more than anger. Or a completely different feeling…he seems hurt…and i feel so sorry but…

-I heard some rumours…And before i’ll say anything, i wanna hear it from you, Alicia. What is going on here? How could you do that? You disappointed me terribly. You got a talent of choosing them…

-Dad…i never meant…

I’m trying so hard to look brave but i feel my hands shaking…i don’t know what to say, i don’t know what i did…and why is he so upset. And i feel like crying. Phillipe took my hand, i just hope he doesn’t make it worst…

-And why are you talking to your daughter like this? You ask her to respect this company when you’re the only one who’s disrespectful here. What do you wanna hear? Details? She’s an adult, perfectly capable to make her own decisions! It’s not your business who’s she dating outside work. You should really apologize to her. And to me!

-Phillipe, get out of my office!

-Your office? Don’t make me laugh! You’re nothing but an old fool talking like this to me…

My God, how can he talk like this to my father? I hardly recognize him…

-Phillipe, don’t talk like this to my dad! He has every right to be upset, you know that! And if he’s the owner of the company, so if he tells you to get out of the office…

-So, are you ready to tell her the truth? Or should i do it?

-What truth? Dad…what’s going on here?

-Alicia…i didn’t want you to find out like this. We had a few hard years…i made some risky investments and i lost it…Our company…your company. You’re dating the new owner…

I can’t be hearing right! A nightmare…he’s having tears in his eyes. What am i doing now? Can’t stay here anymore, i need time to figure a way out of this. I have to go out!

-Alicia…baby, stop running like this! We need to talk! Come here…this room is perfect!

-No, Phillipe, let me go! I don’t wanna talk to you. You’re a thief…you stole my dad’s work. My company! Don’t touch me, i’m sick of you!

-You will talk to me and i will touch you! Let me lock this door…ok. You’re acting like a child. Again…and i’m really tired of this attitude. I did not stole anything. It’s the way i make money. Buying and selling…I think i told you i’m a business man, right? What’s these? Tears…again. I thought you’re a business woman, but i see you’re just a scared little girl. Let me kiss you, you know i can’t stand to see you cry…

-Don’t you dare! These tears are out of anger! We are over! You never loved me…i hope you had fun cause you’ll never touch me again!

-Baby, don’t be silly. Of course i love you…why do you think i heaven’t already sell this company? Because it’s yours! I’m giving it back to you…silly girl…Come here, stop fighting with me, i have no intention to harm you. Do you like the way i’m holding you, baby? I want you to relax…

He started to kiss me while in my mind the news were overwhelming. He’ll give me back my company. He’s serious about this.

-When?

-When you’re get it back? After the tour…i wanna see you taking charge. Winning…because you’re a winner. Just like me, like it or not!

-So, all i have to do is to make a good job on the Eastern-Europe’s market? Sign a few contracts? That’s all? And you’ll give me back…

-Alicia…that’s not a toy! We’re not two child fighting over a toy…we’re partners. Show me you’re an adult, assume our relationship as well…be a leader and it’s yours! And yes…i’m only human, i want you to accept the engagement ring…that should be a part of our partnership…

-Then, you can keep it to yourself! And stick it in your…

-Now that’s the way a business woman is talking? Baby…let’s make it clear: it’s the last time you’re offending me!

-I’m not for sail, Phillipe! You cannot buy me! I won’t sell myself, but i’ll work really hard to get back what belongs to my family! And regarding our relationship…

-You’re angry now…we are fine. I’m the same man, i love you even more since i told you the truth. I’m loosing my patience sometimes because you’re too much…But you’re young and rebel…it’s understandable. I promise you i’ll give you back the company, ok? No matter if you’re sleeping with me or not! Just let me see you on the tour…i wanna prove you i was right. You’re a leader, like me and with a little guidance…

-Promise? You’ll sign the papers…

-Yes, silly! Now, can we change the subject? I wanna make you happy…and loved…

(to be continued)

Stronger…

“WOMEN WHO HAVE MADE MISTAKES
ARE A LITTLE AFRAID
THEY DON’T LIKE TAKING CHANCES
SHE WILL PLAY THE WAITING GAME
SHE’S NEVER IMPRESSED BY THE MANLY ADVANCES
I KNOW I’VE JUST MET YOU
MAYBE I SHOULD KNOW BETTER
BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME THAT WAY
THERE’S SOMETHING INSIDE THAT’S SO RIGHT”

(Tina Turner-“I don’t wanna loose you”)

-I just spoke to Brice…it’s a poem, a goth poem inspired from a medieval story. So, it’s not about you…or me! There’s no evil forces ready to take you to the darkness, my princess! Just me…more than ready to take you to bed…

I started to laugh. He was charming, as always, knowing exactly what to say to ease my tension. The hot shower made my skin warm and soft and i knew how much he loves the scent of roses from my favorite perfume…I wanted to look beautiful for him, knowing how much he’s trying to make everything perfect for me. The room was gorgeous…the modern designs combined with the medieval style, all white…

-Alicia…you look amazing…

He was in front of the door and his eyes were proving me he really mean it…he seemed fascinated and that made me feel so proud of myself…

-Wait, i’m not ready yet! I didn’t brushed my hair…

-Let me do that…it will be my pleasure…

He took the brush from my hand and held me close leading me to bed. I sit there, relaxed…he started to brush my hair and the sensation was incredible…

-You like it, princess?

-Phillipe…i feel so relaxed…i don’t even know when i felt like this in the past…i guess…never before…

-good…that’s the way you should feel…no silly painting will change that…

-i’m sorry for believing that it was about us…

-you know…when i saw that scared look on your face…you’re not afraid, aren’t you, Alicia? I want you to tell me that you trust me…

-i do…i trust you completely…i’m here…i’m still here…because of you…you know it, that night…when Peter tried to…i just wanted to die…

-don’t pronounce his name in my presence!

The sound of his voice was changed…he stopped brushing my hair and now he turned me to look directly in my eyes.

-…no, Phillipe…i want you to know something…it was not only about that night…I felt so hurt because he never tried to talk to me after that…not a single call…after eight years of relationship…and knowing how much pain he caused me…he didn’t even cared if i’m alive or dead…

-he did.

Phillipe said this in such a normal tone…i started to wonder if i heard it right…He pushed me gently against the pillow, holding my body tight and looking straight into my eyes.

-I will tell you once…and then i don’t wanna hear a single word about him. He called you many times that night…i blocked all the calls but i did send him a message…that if it will be one more call…i’ll ask for a restriction order…

All the information was too much…i felt overwhelmed. I tried to get up but he was holding me close to his body…her hands were caressing my skin an he continued to talk calmly…

-and there were a few messages as well…i erase them all…pathetic, don’t you think? but no more of this…you’re mine and i wanna make love to you…

-Phillipe…you had no right…i can’t believe what you just told me. I trusted you with my life and you lied to me like this…let me go! I’m going home right now!

He looked at my without any intention of letting me go. Holding my hands so strong, i knew i had no chance and for a moment i wondered if he could be able…but this time i didn’t felt panic…just anger.

-You will let me go right now…or you’re not man enough to have a woman without forcing her? At least Peter had an excuse, he was drunk. Yes, Peter! Did you heard me? I just pronounced his name! Now what you’re gonna do? Force me into what? I feel pity for you…you don’t stand a chance in a fair fight with me…

He released my hands and started to laugh so hard…

-And guess what! I’m not yours! Never was and never will be someone’s toy…Now why the hell are you laughing?

-Alicia…princess…you’re so beautiful when you get angry! So rebel and disrespectful…What will i do with you? I really don’t stand a chance…

-What do you mean?

-You wanna feel loved but when i love you…you want your freedom! You wanna be happy but you’re not letting the past go! You told me to let you go…but you’re still here…half naked…the most beautiful woman i ever saw in my life. Those sparks in your eyes…so much anger…so much passion…Now, my beauty…you’re in control! I’ll give you ten seconds…if you’re still here after this time…i’ll take the liberty to explore that sexy body of yours and i swear i’ll make you bag for more…

-I’ll never bag…

His words were the complete shock to my ears…My own reaction were betraying me, because in all this time…i didn’t felt any fear or any pain. I felt anger…of him, or it was the old bitterness that i collected from my relationship with Peter? I didn’t wanted to go home…i wanted to stay and explore this new feeling…my ability to go beyond the “victim stage”. It was all about having control over my emotions…

-Too late…time expired! Now don’t start to struggle or i’ll think you like some kinky role-playing…

-Phillipe…there’s no role-playing here…i want you…i want this to be right…

His kisses and the way he touched my body…with the passion and desire i dreamed about…but still so gentle, like touching the open petals of a rose…That was all the reassuring i needed. And my own responses…all the anger turned into pleasure…

There’s something i learned from all those years of feeling helpless…When you feel like a victim, you’ll only attract two kind of partners: the aggressor and the savior. And it’s very easy to confuse them…

So…what’s beyond “the victim stage”? Freedom? Love? Both?…