When even friends seem out to harm you

“And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there’s no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way”

(Guns’n Roses-“November Rain”)

Overwhelming feelings, sensations and thoughts were running trough my body and soul…Lying naked on the sateen sheets…shivering light from the white candles placed all around the bed…creating a sweet sensation of tranquility. Red wine, contrasting with the pale white shadows and a music i never heard before…He looked at me and took my hand kissing my fingers. I slowly begun to move, just to feel his body closer, just to make sure he’s real…

-Thank you…

My voice sounded gentle and sweet, almost like a whisper. I opened my eyes looking deep inside his heart. He took me into his arms, holding me tight.

-I would give anything for this look in your eyes…To see love, adoration, trust…Alicia…there’s nothing in this world i wouldn’t give you…

-I only need you to love me, Phillipe…to make love to me…like you did. With passion and tenderness…

Running my fingers trough his hair, thinking how handsome he really is, how perfect we can be to each other.

-I realized something, princess…losing you, destroying your trust in me, hurting you the way i did it…it was a nightmare, i am a monster, like you once told me…

I placed my fingers on his lips to stop him for talking.

-You’re the only man i love…and i tried to change you…it was so unfair of me…I felt in love with your wildest side, your dark side attracted me so much, but all i ever dreamed was that you’ll love me so much…so you’ll wanna change it all for me…Do i make any sense?

-Baby…

I felt tears and i didn’t tried to stop them.

-Now i understand, Phillipe…now i know and i respect you for who you really are and i’m scared that i’ll never be able to make you happy. God knows i’ll try! But i’m terrified of the thought of being harmed…and still…i wanna give you what you need, what you desire…i think i need you to be patient with me and to assure me again and again…

He kissed me deep and passionate grabbing my hair and holding firmly my face.

-Alicia…you’re making me very happy…i need to learn how to keep this beautiful smile on your lips…how to see every day this spark in your eyes…how to make you feel safe and loved. You’re the only light in my darkness…

The phone was ringing…a cruel sound in the perfect ambient.

-Oh, no…it’s Annette…do you want me to answer?

-Yes, baby…but put it on speaker…i wanna hear it all…cause i have a feeling…

the conversation with Annette:

-Ali, where are you? I need you to come to the hotel, pleeeeease…

-Hi, Annette. I can’t…i’m not in Monte Carlo…actually i’m very far away…i said looking at Phillipe with a playful smile

-I need your help, Ali! In two days is my date…i told you about Mark…

-Yes…did you find any dress to fit you?

-Ali, it’s not about the dress…you gave me clothes for a few years at least. I found a great dress…the red one. But i don’t have aaaaa…

you know…

-Tell me! You need shoes? Or some nice earings to match to the dress? Phillipe started to laugh.

-God, Ali, don’t make me say it! It’s about an underwear…i need a hot sexy underwear and all are so expensive…and i wanna impress him…i’m planning to pay a room in the hotel and spend the night with him…

-Wait! Annette…this is your first date…you never met him till now. Don’t you think you’re hurrying things too much? What he’s gonna think about you?

-So, you’ll give me? Please, Ali…

-I’m sorry, this time i can’t help you! I really think you should be yourself and not trying so much to impress him…he should be impress by you, your heart and soul, your personality…not by a sexy underwear that it isn’t even yours…

-Thanks for nothing! Are you trying to ruin this for me? Why? Jealousy? You know, Alicia, he is my chance…i wasn’t born rich, like you! And i didn’t married a rich man like you did! And i don’t wanna spend my whole damn life cleaning rooms! He’s my chance to escape from poverty and i need your help…

-Oh my God! You need my help to…what? To sleep with him? To sell yourself? Annette…

-Sure, like you’re better than me! Don’t tell me it’s a coincidence that all the guys you were involved with are millionaires! I know what you’re doing…playing good little housewife till the next one will appear. And, till then you’ll get all you can from the jerk of your husband…

The attack took me by surprise, or maybe i was too high and falling down was too painful. I blocked and i started to cry, looking helpless at Phillipe. He was so angry…a frozen expression. For a moment i thought he’s gonna smash the phone, but he just took it from my shivering hands and spoke with a sinister dark tone…

-So, the trash voiced…spitting all the venom in my home…Trash…you know what is going to happen to you? You know what i’m doing with the snakes? Make them swallow their own poison…

-N-n-no…Sir…i’m sorry, i was angry and i didn’t thought…please, Sir…forgive me…

-This conversation is recorded. I will use the information. You will forget about Alicia and this number. And…almost forgot…in the next half hour, the poor fool is gonna receive a mail. With a link…

I heard her crying and whining and praying and bagging. Phillipe closed the phone. He took me in his arms.

-Now is a good time to tell me “i told you so”. Phillipe, i’m a fool…i should had listed to you…i still can’t believe…

-No, baby…you’re not a fool…you made a mistake…you always see the best in people, don’t you? And you believe in changes for better, right? A big part of my reason to love you is this precious heart of yours! This light you spread all around you…now don’t be sad…you didn’t lost anything…

He was warm, gentle and carrying. And the love i felt for him in that moment was overwhelming.

-Promise me i won’t lose you, mon amour…

-As long as you’ll be like this…your precious soul is safe. And nothing and no one will harm you again. As long as you’re mine…

And, with all my heart, i wanted to feel like i’m his…but deep inside my soul i know i’ll never be…

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