Light of my heart and soul

“A silent wish sails the seven seas
The winds of change whisper in the trees
And the walls of doubt crumble, tossed and torn
This comes to pass when a child is born”

(“When a child is born”)

How am i going to tell him? What if…my God, is almost Christmas…next year the Christmas will be so different…

-Alicia…baby, you know how upsetting it is to me when you do this! You heaven’t called me for hours and when i call you, you’re asking me to come here…in this church…

-You like it? The church…i just came here and i lost the track of time…I’m sorry, Phillipe…i went to see the doctor today and the tests took some time and the results…i forgot to call you…

-No, my love…i’m sorry…i should had come with you…i completely forgot about your appointment. You’re upset…i’m so sorry…but at least you saw the doctor. Did you told him all about last week? That you passed out twice…and that you’re not eating anything and the headaches, nightmares…

-Yes, i did…

-So, did he gave you some vitamins? Or is it just emotional…baby, let me see your eyes, they’re red, you cried…Tell me all about…

-I don’t know how to tell you…

-Alicia, honey…any treatment you may need…i’m right here beside you…

-No…there’s no cure for what i have…

He took my face in his hands and my tears appeared in my eyes beyond my control. He looked down with a sad expression and then his eyes just became empty…

-That’s why you wanted to see me here. In a church…To tell me how i’m gonna loose you…Know what? I hate HIM! Yes, your God…and HE’s not winning this time! Cause if HE’s taking you away from me…i swear…i will burn every single church…from the ground…i will destroy every single trace of HIS presence on this world! Alicia…say something, baby…

-I didn’t meant to…oh, Phillipe…now you have to promise me two things…

-Anything, my love…

-First one: that you’re gonna love her, if is a baby girl…The second one: you’re gonna spare one church, cause we need it for the baptism…

-Are you saying that…

-YES! My love…you need to lower your voice, cause your son is listening to you, right now…Or your daughter…the doctor said is way to early to tell…we’re only 6 weeks old…

He took me in his arms and lifted me slowly and started to kiss me…dancing with me in the church…And when he put me down, i saw him kneeling at my feet, looking up at me…his eyes filled with happy tears…a light i never saw before.

-Phillipe…i’m sorry for scaring you like that…i didn’t knew how to tell you…i’m still in shock. Here…the doctor gave me this picture…wanna see our baby?

He helped me to sit down and sat next to me…his hands were trembling and when he took the picture he kissed it…

-Look at this tiny heart…

-Alicia…princess…is it real? My son…my precious baby…he’s so tiny now…tell me everything…you’re alright? And the baby?

-We’re both doing great. Me…i felt so sick because of the hormones, the doctor said is normal, he gave me something to help me with the morning sickness…And the baby…is perfect…he’s strong like his father…

-And handsome like his mother…my love…do you love me? Here…give me your hands, they’re so cold…from now on you are my one and only priority…i can’t believe i missed the first echography…what kind of man am I? What if the baby wont like me?

I started to laugh, with tears in my eyes…happy tears…

-Mon amour…the baby will love you…like i love you…You’re my man, my one and only…And we’re gonna be parents…imagine me, being a mother…

-The most beautiful, loving and sweet mother in the entire world! And i’m the luckiest guy ever…please, tell me you’re never gonna leave me…

-I swear it…you and the baby are my world…my life…i was a fool, crazy and selfish and you forgave me and you took me back home and now…now i have something to live for…my baby…ours…

He kissed me again and again…

-Princess, is cold in here…let’s go home, i wanna take care of you…you need to eat and sleep well…you’re carrying the most precious child in the entire world…my son…

Today i cried…I thought i’ll never cry again, i thought i’ll never feel…till i heard a tiny but strong heart beat…my child…And from that moment nothing mattered anymore except for this amazing love i’m feeling inside my heart and soul. My baby…he brought The Light back in my life, he’s the living proof that GOD does exists…And that HE’s always ready to forgive, to love and to give us a new chance…

The end. 

Advertisements

Her blue heart…

“Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible…”

(Shontelle-“Impossible”)

-Ali, you’re not yourself anymore! You dress different, you talk different…and the look in your eyes, like you’re not there anymore…What happened to you? Phillipe…i know he has something to do with this cause, ever since you came back from London, you’re a different person! Ali…you’re not listening to me…

-Look, Peter, i’m tired…so, why did you wanted to see me? To convince yourself that i’m a different person? To see me with your own eyes…you saw, now leave me alone…

I really felt tired and sad. He tried to take me in his arms and i pushed him away. No more…

-See…this is exactly what i mean! You push me away, you push everybody else away…You don’t laugh anymore, you don’t cry anymore, you’re silent and cold. Remember a year ago, we were planning Christmas and you were dancing out in the street…I took you in my arms and i said “Alicia, you’re gonna catch a cold…” and you kept dancing and you said…

-“How could i catch a cold if i’m wearing a volcano in my heart?” i said with a sad smile.

-Where’s the volcano? Where’s the passion…Ali, i’m extremely worried…i wish you just talk to me. I wish i could just see in your eyes, just one more time…

…The girl i used to be…wanna hear a story? A really sad one? About a girl who had it all? Money, a family, beauty and the love of her life…Yes, she felt in love once and he wanted her. They moved together and she dreamed of a life with him. She dreamed of children and grandchildren…Eight Christmases, that’s all she had with him. Every one had a different color. The last one was blue, like his eyes. Like her heart…

No one told her how to fix her heart. She tried…in other arms…she tried to make it right again. But her broken heart broke even more. “A blue heart is still beautiful”. That’s what she kept repeating to herself…till she couldn’t stand her own lies. And one day, he noticed…and he took her heart in his hands, he put a nice blue ribbon on and he just returned the broken gift…”Take it back, it wasn’t mine…it was never mine”…that’s what he said…Another lie, a cruel and cold lie…

The girl tried to escape from the pain inside…in the only place where she felt safe. In her own mind, in her own imagination…she felt it so real…What if…and this thought gave her wings…what if true love belongs to a virtual place? Than this man…who said “i love you”…may he be the One? If love cannot be found in real world…

Mean while in reality…someone saw her blue heart and decided he wants her. A blue heart for his own private collection. He was rich, he thought he could buy it. But her heart wasn’t for sell…it’s priceless and it only comes as a gift. “Princess, i never lose and i have every right to fight using everything and everyone to win this blue heart of yours. So, just say it, i would pay any price…your life? A child’s life? Your father’s company? Name the price and i’ll pay it!”…

She should had run away…but deep inside her heart she was a warrior and she decided to stay and defend her freedom to chose. Poor girl, so full of herself…She never knew that she’ll be the one paying the price. Her soul, her life…her freedom…

And i can’t remember if she finally gave him her heart, or if she’s still searching for someone who can fix it. All i know is that he still call her “princess” and he still says he loves her. And he’s still willing to give anything, to pay no matter how much to have her. Does this mean she’s precious? It should count for something…

-ALI! You realize you’re not saying a damn thing? Girl…if you’re not going to tell me right now what’s in your mind…

-Do NOT shout at me, Peter! Do NOT give me orders! Do you understand? I’m not your sub! If you really wanna know, i was thinking that this is my first Christmas without you…

-Awww…i’m sorry, Ali…i know, baby, it’s hard for me too. But you’re happy with your husband, right? Phillipe is treating you right? And lately, every time i see you two together, you seems so in love with him…always kissing and cuddling…

-That’s true…he’s my husband and i love him with all my heart. My blue heart…

Yeah, right…