Out of the dark (is this the end?…)

“I love your imperfections
I love your everything
Your broken heart, your broken wings
I love you when you hold me
And when you turn away
I love you still and I’m not afraid
Cause I know you feel the same way
And you’ll stay”

(Sara Evans-“Saints and Angels”)

I can’t remember how our love started…and i don’t know when it was over. You never told me your joys and your sorrows…and i guess i hurt you just as much as you were hurting me. Phillipe…every day i try to make myself brave enough to live my life without you and every night i pray to find a reason to stay. I just wanna feel that my place is here, with you, but i can’t…

L’amour de ma vie…love of my life…i just feel so lonely, like i’m all alone on this Earth…and it tears me apart to feel this way in your arms. Is not fair to you…You’ll never know how much i tried…how much i convinced myself that your rules, your life style, your control…all of these are all i need to be happy. I’m not free, Phillipe and true love is always free. A bird in a golden cage…i never quite understood the expression till now…

So, i’m leaving…don’t know for how long…maybe until in my mind i’ll be able to decide if what i feel for you is love…fascination…addiction…submissiveness…You need a woman who can accept you for who you truly are and I…I need to stop being so afraid. Forgive me…if there’s still room in your heart for forgiveness and love…

I already miss your voice calling me “princess”…

Alicia

-Are you sure?

-Yes.

-Alright…then hurry…our plain will leave France in 2 hours. And Isabel…no, nothing…Just do what you feel is best for your heart…or safe anyway…

I took of the wedding ring and place it next to the big black diamante ring. With slow, robotic moves i attached the letter and the propriety papers from the house in Provence. A simple white envelope…with my life in it…I wrote his name, to be sure he’ll receive my good-bye. I needed to cry…but i had no tears left. I looked in a mirror…unrecognizable…a sad version of me. No sparks, no playful smile, no hot sexy dress…Just a sad and lonely girl with too many things to think about. And…what’s this? A tear…

-Hey…

He took my hand and caressed the trace from the wedding ring. I looked down…

-What will happen from now on?

-We’ll fly to London…i need a few days to finish the documentation for my transfer…and then we’ll start our missionary tour. You’ll be working hard, side by side with me to open the “Divine Mercy Homes” in Eastern Europe and anywhere else in this world.

-What if i’ll fail…like i failed everything else in my life…

-Isabel…you cannot fail when His Love is upon you. And if you ever feel like falling i’m here to catch you. As long as you need it and want it…Come on…take my hand and lift up your eyes…you’re not a criminal.

-You know what will happen here? You’re not afraid if he’s coming after you…

-I’m not afraid of Phillipe, and you shouldn’t be neither. Darkness is feeding out of fear and desperation. You know it…Open your heart to the Light…let His Love and Mercy to guide you on your way…

-Thank you…

-Don’t thank me…i’m sorry, Isabel…letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life. Please forgive me…and please accept this…

He gently placed the necklace around my neck. The Divine Mercy Medal…the one that Phillipe tried so hard to destroy…and he succeeded…

For the first time, i look…truly look into his blue eyes. And i was back in time, in the small church where i realized that my life will be forever connected with his. My God…how could i betray my own heart the way i did?

-Isabel…i love you too…

-I…i…

-Please, don’t answer me…i know you need a lot of time to heal…but that day haunted me. You said “i love you” and i was just letting you go…without a single word. From now on…i wont let a single day to pass without saying the words to you.

-Mark…

-Now let’s go! We have a plain to catch and you need to start breathing again…

And with every step i felt stronger…leaving behind my nightmares…A new life…a life i never knew i can have…with a Light i thought forever lost…

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Never sell my soul…

“I know you think you’d never be mine
Well that’s okay, baby, I don’t mind
That shy smile’s sweet, that’s a fact
Go ahead, I don’t mind the act.”

(Enrique Iglesias-“Sad eyes”)

Work! Stop thinking about him! Just work and ignore the rest! How can you do that? Thinking of another man when Phillipe is right here, next to you? Just keep working!

-Hey, you two love birds! The boss want to talk to you and i got the pleasure to tell you that it’s serious! Can’t wait to see your faces when he’s done with you…

Now what i’m going to do? My dad must know about me and Phillipe…it’s against the rules of the company…and i signed the contract knowing this! And look how mean is this guy saying all this…he doesn’t even pretend to like me…

-Phillipe…what if he…

He smiled at me and took me by my shoulders.

-So what? Let him find out! What can your father do to you, princess? Throw you out of the company? Don’t think so…He’ll be angry for a while, but i guess he’ll be like that no matter who you’ll be dating. His precious little girl…no man will ever be good enough for you, Alicia. So, relax and let me do all the talking. I’m your lawyer, right?

And here we are! In my father’s office…he’s looking so serious. I try to read in his eyes and i see more than anger. Or a completely different feeling…he seems hurt…and i feel so sorry but…

-I heard some rumours…And before i’ll say anything, i wanna hear it from you, Alicia. What is going on here? How could you do that? You disappointed me terribly. You got a talent of choosing them…

-Dad…i never meant…

I’m trying so hard to look brave but i feel my hands shaking…i don’t know what to say, i don’t know what i did…and why is he so upset. And i feel like crying. Phillipe took my hand, i just hope he doesn’t make it worst…

-And why are you talking to your daughter like this? You ask her to respect this company when you’re the only one who’s disrespectful here. What do you wanna hear? Details? She’s an adult, perfectly capable to make her own decisions! It’s not your business who’s she dating outside work. You should really apologize to her. And to me!

-Phillipe, get out of my office!

-Your office? Don’t make me laugh! You’re nothing but an old fool talking like this to me…

My God, how can he talk like this to my father? I hardly recognize him…

-Phillipe, don’t talk like this to my dad! He has every right to be upset, you know that! And if he’s the owner of the company, so if he tells you to get out of the office…

-So, are you ready to tell her the truth? Or should i do it?

-What truth? Dad…what’s going on here?

-Alicia…i didn’t want you to find out like this. We had a few hard years…i made some risky investments and i lost it…Our company…your company. You’re dating the new owner…

I can’t be hearing right! A nightmare…he’s having tears in his eyes. What am i doing now? Can’t stay here anymore, i need time to figure a way out of this. I have to go out!

-Alicia…baby, stop running like this! We need to talk! Come here…this room is perfect!

-No, Phillipe, let me go! I don’t wanna talk to you. You’re a thief…you stole my dad’s work. My company! Don’t touch me, i’m sick of you!

-You will talk to me and i will touch you! Let me lock this door…ok. You’re acting like a child. Again…and i’m really tired of this attitude. I did not stole anything. It’s the way i make money. Buying and selling…I think i told you i’m a business man, right? What’s these? Tears…again. I thought you’re a business woman, but i see you’re just a scared little girl. Let me kiss you, you know i can’t stand to see you cry…

-Don’t you dare! These tears are out of anger! We are over! You never loved me…i hope you had fun cause you’ll never touch me again!

-Baby, don’t be silly. Of course i love you…why do you think i heaven’t already sell this company? Because it’s yours! I’m giving it back to you…silly girl…Come here, stop fighting with me, i have no intention to harm you. Do you like the way i’m holding you, baby? I want you to relax…

He started to kiss me while in my mind the news were overwhelming. He’ll give me back my company. He’s serious about this.

-When?

-When you’re get it back? After the tour…i wanna see you taking charge. Winning…because you’re a winner. Just like me, like it or not!

-So, all i have to do is to make a good job on the Eastern-Europe’s market? Sign a few contracts? That’s all? And you’ll give me back…

-Alicia…that’s not a toy! We’re not two child fighting over a toy…we’re partners. Show me you’re an adult, assume our relationship as well…be a leader and it’s yours! And yes…i’m only human, i want you to accept the engagement ring…that should be a part of our partnership…

-Then, you can keep it to yourself! And stick it in your…

-Now that’s the way a business woman is talking? Baby…let’s make it clear: it’s the last time you’re offending me!

-I’m not for sail, Phillipe! You cannot buy me! I won’t sell myself, but i’ll work really hard to get back what belongs to my family! And regarding our relationship…

-You’re angry now…we are fine. I’m the same man, i love you even more since i told you the truth. I’m loosing my patience sometimes because you’re too much…But you’re young and rebel…it’s understandable. I promise you i’ll give you back the company, ok? No matter if you’re sleeping with me or not! Just let me see you on the tour…i wanna prove you i was right. You’re a leader, like me and with a little guidance…

-Promise? You’ll sign the papers…

-Yes, silly! Now, can we change the subject? I wanna make you happy…and loved…

(to be continued)