Beyond words

“If you’re a heart without a home
Rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You’re always stranded on the shore
Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if for reasons, what you’re looking for
I’ll be yours…”

(Westlife-“Heart without a home”)

Mark took my hand leading me to the bed…the white sheets seemed to glow in the moonlight. The air was fresh with a flagrance of mosque and lavender, relaxing and exciting the same time. My heart was beating so strong and when my eyes met his gaze i felt lost in the color of the sky. He kissed my fingers and smiled…so reassuring and sweet…i smiled back at him, feeling my pulse racing and my heart so full…

“I have never saw you looking so beautiful…let me look at you…” and he pulled me closer to his body melting away any trace of resistance…my nightgown…the white silk fabric felt on the floor, letting my body exposed in front of him. He looked at me amazed…and i felt like, for the first time, i am revealing myself completely. Overwhelming…i looked down…

“Isabel…please don’t look down…i’m amazed by you…i feel the aching need to make you mine…do you love me…do you wanna make love to me as much as need it?…please tell me…my precious Isabel…”. I nodded, unable to speak…there’s no way…i’m not gonna ruin it with my fears, with my insecurities…So i just pressed my body against his…putting my arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily…my passion unleashed…my heart and my soul exposed…completely and deeply in love…

He took me in his arms laying me on the bed…letting his hands to explore…my body responding like a fine violin under his fingers…under his kisses. I felt like i’m in a warm place with gentle light surrounding me…giving myself to a passion and a desire so long forgotten…fulfilling any unexpressed need and desire…realizing that…there’s no other man…and it will never be another…

I whispered his name and he looked in my eyes with tenderness…i closed my eyes and he kissed me so gentle and so deep…”You’re trembling…My sweet love…don’t be afraid, i’ll never hurt you…we’ll do this slowly and gently…till you’re ready to feel more…open your eyes…there’s no threat…you’re safe here in my arms…”. I opened my eyes, stroking his back, letting him in…

And the gentle light turned into a fire burning inside me…like a volcano waiting to erupt…like fireworks deep inside my body…taking control over me, over my fears, over everything…reaching the intensity of a thunder and overwhelming like a hurricane…but warm and sweet like rainbows after the rain…And i knew without asking…he felt the same…he was there too…for a few minutes that seemed like a sweet eternity…our souls were connected…to a level we cannot begin to understand and explain. Pure pleasure and pure love…

And laying there…still lost in a far away dimension…i felt the warmth of my tears…Tears of joy…tears of wonder…because i never knew how love can be…how making love can raise someone’s heart to a point where there’s no return. “Isabel…what happened…come here, my beauty…my love…please don’t cry…it was…just amazing…you are amazing…”.

Trying hard to tell him how i feel…because words have no place in this endless and pure joy. But i saw his scared look…thinking he might had hurt me and i wanted to bring back the light…

“Mark…i love you so much and tears are…just because…i…never…I never felt this way…all my life searching and you brought me there…to that place…and i never wanna lose you…my life is depending on you and i’m afraid to feel and i’m afraid to say…you’re The One, Mark…My forever…endless love…that’s why…my tears…”.

He smiled and kissed me again, wiping away my tears with a gentleness and love i never experienced…

“My sweet silly Belle…how could you ever lose me? Don’t you know…my heart will stop in the moment you’ll leave me…This world…without you…is just an empty place…a place where’s no light, no joy…nothing to live for…Don’t you know it?”

i nodded…

“I tried so hard to help others, hoping and praying that my emptiness inside will became easier to bare…and all this time it became bigger…And i tried so hard to heal people…physically and spiritually…And you came and you took my heart and heal it…Is the truth…in a second you did what i couldn’t do in a lifetime…you made me feel complete…And i thank God for every smile i see on your beautiful face…Isabel…now you’re smiling…and you’re sweet and amazing and…You’re mine…”

Yes, Mark…I’m yours and i thank God for my chance to love.

In his arms…with him in my heart…chasing away all my fears and all my doubts. Ready…finally ready…to change the world…

To change my world…to heal my heart…to save myself…

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To walk on stormy seas

“There is no life – no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.”

(J.Groban-“You raise me up”)

I looked at him and i couldn’t stop smiling. He was still sleeping, his blonde curled hair and the smile made him irresistible, but what made me smile was the way he was holding my pillow in his arms…

I rushed to the kitchen…scrambled eggs with bacon and pancakes with chocolate syrup and me…discovering that i can cook, enthusiastic like a child with a new toy.

-Hey…it smells delicious…you made all these?

He looked amazed and i felt proud of myself. The admiration i saw in his eyes made my heart jump with joy.

-Back to bed! I wanna bring you breakfast in bed! Go, go, go…

-Only if you’re coming with me, other wise my breakfast will be incomplete…

Breakfast in bed, with Mark…sounded like a dream come true.

-You like it? Or should i add more sugar on the pancakes? Mark…

-It’s delicious, absolutely delicious! I love everything you do…you’re spoiling me…No one…never…brought me breakfast in bed…But i feel guilty because you’re working so much…cooking, cleaning…And…what’s this? You broke a nail? Give me that little finger so i’ll kiss it…

-It’s no big deal! Mark, i’m so happy to do all these things…i feel so good, so healthy and alive!

-Yes, but i wish i could take more care of you, Belle…

The way he pronounced the shortcut from Isabel made me remember…

-I’m sorry…Isabel…what’s wrong? Did i said something to make you so sad…please, Belle, tell me…

-It’s just that…today…i mean, 21 years ago…on All Saints Day…my mother passed away…and i used to spend this day, every year, with my dad…She always called me Isabel, not Alicia…and sometimes she called me Belle…saying i’m the light of her life…

With no words, he took me in his arms. It was warm and i felt safe…i looked deep in his blue eyes, wishing to feel his kiss…i closed my eyes, trying to keep the memory of that warm moment deep in my heart.

-Why don’t you call him? Your father…i think he must be so worried…you left almost a week ago. Call him, you’ll feel better…just tell him “i love you”…it’s never too late…

He was right…i needed to hear my dad’s voice, the only parent i still have on this earth…I took the phone and dialed the number, unsure about what to expect. He answer in a few seconds.

-Dad…

-Alicia! Where in the hell are you? Have you lost your mind? Your husband is going crazy, threatening everybody…i can’t believe how selfish and insane are your decisions…

-I miss you…

-Come back home, Alicia! It’s an order! I think your need for attention is more than satisfied now, with the chaos you created!

-I love you, dad…

And he said nothing. The phone slipped from my hands as i felt drowned in tears. Mark took the phone from my hand, put it aside and held me so gentle, caressing my hair, till i felt better…

-No one loves me, Mark…

-Shhhhh…you are so beloved…and you don’t even know it. God loves you so much, He’s always holding your hand so you wont fall…He’ll never leave you and He’ll always gonna answer to your prayers. And there’s your mom…watching you from up above…visiting you in your dreams and making you feel protected…And here, on Earth…there’s me…i love you and i need you in my life…I know it’s not much, but i’m offering you my heart, my love…my life…Belle…please don’t cry…cause when you cry, Heaven cries with you…

His words, so smoothing, like he was talking to a scared child…and his eyes, blue like the sky, in that moment i felt i’m in Heaven…

-Mark…you’re so good…why are you so good to me?

-Because I love you!

-And why do you love me?

-Cause you’re sweet. And why are you sweet? Cause you have chocolate right here, on your upper lip…And why are your lips painted with chocolate? Well…i guess i need to taste in order to answer…

His lips pressed against my lips…parting and tasting, playing and teasing, making me feel so hungry for more…

-I love you, Isabel…you taste like honey and it’s addictive…promise me you’ll never leave me…you’ll never take away the light you brought to my life…

-I’ll never leave you! I rather die…I love you too, Mark. You saved my life and you gave me a meaning…a feeling of fulfillment and joy. And as long as God will allow me on this Earth, i will love you…every day of my life.

-Even if i can’t offer you the lifestyle you’re used to have? Belle, i’m not rich…

-Now you’re the silly one! Mark, can’t you see how happy i am? I’m smiling and singing and dancing in the house…like a teenager. I’m so in love…please…stop talking and kiss me again…you brought the Heaven into my life…

In the arms of the man i love, the rest of the world seemed formed by shadows…empty shadows. I’m his and he’s mine…against all the human laws…in the name of love, knowing now that only Light can heal, love and protect. And that i’ll never get lost in the darkness…

So hard to say good bye…

“Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I’d give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I’ve made mistakes, I’m just a man.”

(Bon Jovi-“Always”)

Saint Tropez, France

I looked into his eyes…so much tenderness, so much love…like all the darkness, all the coldness was left behind. For the first time i became so aware of the reality: this is the man i’m about to marry…this is the real him. And his arms around me, caressing my skin and kissing me so passionate, this is reality…

-Baby, what are you thinking about? You’re smiling…but i can feel you’re so far away…

-You know…this time i’m not far away…Phillipe, i feel like i’m falling in love with you…and i can’t believe it took me so long to feel…it’s so amazing to be with you here, seeing you so happy and relaxed…i wanna be with you, just like this, forever…I’m just so sorry for all the struggle and fights…

He stopped me from talking kissing me gently…

-I already forgot them…it doesn’t matter…because all i ever wanted, ever since i saw you for the first time, was to be with you…to have you in my life. And i’m the first to admit that i made mistakes…but you’re all i love, all i have in this life. I know…that’s no excuse for pressuring you like i did…but at least we’re happy now…and i’m gonna spend the rest of my life making you happy…

-sometimes i feel it’s a dream…

I felt tears running down my cheeks. I needed to cry…because finding love means giving up everything else.

-I know it’s hard for you…Alicia, i know how much i’m asking from you, but, baby, you’ll see it’s for the best. I want you to stay focused on us…and not to give your energy to people who don’t even care about you. Do you understand me? Those relationship are fake…we are the real thing…

-It’s just that…i lost so much already…i alienated so many people and i miss them terribly…Liz and Tony, Tess, even Helen and Bryce…little Robby…and Peter…

-of course, Peter!

I felt him suddenly tense and angry.

-No, i didn’t mean it like that…Peter is nothing more than a part of my past…it was hard to see him lowering himself like he did…but at least he’s getting help now…i lost my admiration, my respect for him, that’s painful. In an ideal world…

-In an ideal world, your father would support us and he would be happy for you…he would never accuse you of selling yourself…and in an ideal world, your friends would be the firsts to encourage you to marry the man you love. But instead…they are telling you to be careful…like you’re in danger with me…Baby, this is not an ideal world! This is reality…and in real life we’re making choices…you gotta choose…

-I’m choosing you, Phillipe…with all my heart and soul…even if is tearing me apart to make choices like that…and i know there’s no guarantees…but i need you to say the words for me…will you, my love?

-Yes…with all my heart and soul…Alicia…this will be forever…no matter what, i’m not gonna loose you again…I’m not letting you go, not even if i had to fight with the whole world…there’s nothing…absolutely nothing is too much…if in the end i’m with you!

Accepting my own decision…living with their consequences. Is that a mature way to live? In a perfect ideal world, there’s no choices…because everything is made out of love. But we’re living in reality, and sometimes fear, jealousy or insecurity run the show. Saying good bye to my past, to my former relationships…is this really possible? Only time can tell…

Touched by an Angel

“Who can say for certain
Maybe you’re still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory’s so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You’re still an inspiration
Can it be…”

(J. Groban-“To where you are”)

Lacoste, Provence (France)

-It’s so quiet in here…

-Isn’t it beautiful, Alicia? Look at the colors, so bright and alive…this place has a life of himself. If you listen carefully you might hear the wind whispering trough the lavender fields…

-Are you sure is not le Marquis de Sade, telling us to get away from his village? i asked smiling to Phillipe.

-We’ll see, my beauty…i have a surprise for you…

-Other that visiting his castle? It’s a lifetime visit, considering that it’s not opened to public. You really have friends in high places, Phillipe.

-Baby…promise me you wont run away…i arranged for us to stay over night at the castle. Hope you’re not scared of the rumors…

-What rumors? My God, i’m going to sleep in the same place where le Marquis de Sade…

-In his home, my love. And yes…some terrible things happened there. I know how sensitive you are, Alicia…And there’s a downside to this: i have to do something before we’ll get there. Is a part of the surprise…

-It’s alright…i saw a small church, i could visit that place while you’re doing…you know what.

-No, don’t go to the church…it’s not even catholic. Look, there’s a bistro…they have a great coffee and i’m back in an hour. I hate leaving you alone…

-I’ll be fine…go and arrange my surprise!

He kissed me and made me promise that i won’t go anywhere else than the bistro. And i won’t talk to the local people. And i won’t say a word about the place where i’m sleeping tonight. Overprotective…i said to myself.

Of course…i always do what i’m told not to do…

The small church doesn’t seemed catholic, it had the look of a protestant place. And also seemed empty…i found a place to stay and admire the ray of light dancing to the walls. The feeling of peace and love was so strong…i almost felt like a child in his mother’s arms. My mom, i missed her so much. And what if…I looked around me…no one could hear me, so i started to talk looking to the blue light from the window…

-God, i know i don’t pray and you know how much i avoid churches…Maybe You’re upset with me, but if You can hear me…i miss her. Mom, if you’re there, it’s Isabel. Remember how you used to call me? I know it’s been a while…sometimes i can’t even remember how you looked and that scares me. Do you remember me? I was 5 when i saw you for the last time…I’m a grown woman now. You know, mom, sometimes i feel like a little girl angry and scared and all i want is for you to hold me tight…or at least to give me a sign that you still love me…

I felt warm salty tears running down my face and i realized i’m on my knees looking at the sky…Just when i tried to get up on my feet, i heard a sound of steps behind me. I turned and there it was…this man was here all the time. He was just looking at me with the most beautiful light-blue eyes i ever saw in my life. Curly blonde hair and a disarming smile…I felt like my face is turning red…

-I apologize…i heard you talking and i didn’t want to make you feel bad…your words touched me and i just couldn’t go. I’m really sorry. I’m Mark…you must be Isabel?

-It’s actually Alicia  Isabel. My mother used to call me Isabel. I guess you hear it all…i just made a complete fool of myself…

-No, don’t say this! I was afraid i’m gonna start to cry…i grew up without my parents, they died in a car accident and i miss them terribly. I’m sorry, don’t know why i’m telling this to you.

I looked in his eyes, he seemed so friendly and honest…for the first time in my life i felt completely lost in front of a man…not knowing what to say or do.

-So, you’re from Lacoste? i asked thinking that’s the most stupid thing i can say…

-No, Isabel, i’m from London. I work in a hospital and i’m also a Red Cross missionary…I’m here with a few friends visiting La Cote d’Azur. And to be honest, i saw you going in this church and i just couldn’t stop following you here…now  i made a complete fool of myself…

I smiled to him wiping away my tears…

-When i first saw you…your eyes…you look like an angel and for a brief moment i though…

-That i’m an angel? Isabel…that’s the sweetest thing i ever heard. No…just an ordinary man. Can i give you my phone number? I really want to talk to you again…

When he opened his wallet i saw there a picture. It was Jesus and His Heart…

-What’s there? I had one like this when i lived with my mom…

-What? Divine Mercy? It’s something i always have…it makes me feel more in peace with myself, knowing how much He loves me…You had one too?

-Yes, and a necklace too, with a medal with two hearts and a few letters written…can’t remember. My mom always said i’m protected wearing it…but when me and my dad moved away…he didn’t allowed me to take them…i remember how much i cried…

-My God…Isabel, i had no idea…

He took me in his arms holding me tight. I felt like i never wanna let him go…my mind was telling me he’s a stranger but in my heart i felt like he’s what i’m searching for so long…

-I wanna give you this…

He gave me the little picture with Jesus…the Divine Mercy…

-And i think you need also this…

In that moment i saw it…he was wearing the same medal…the memories came back with a force that took my breath away…

-Mark, this is…

-The Miraculous Medal. And yes…you are protected when you wear it, your mom was right. It’s yours now…

-No, Mark, i can’t…you don’t even know me, how can you give me something so precious?…

-I have this feeling that you need it more than i do…I don’t know why, i just feel this…anyway, i have another one at home, so we’ll wear the same Medal, like a connection between us. Now…do you want me to help you with the necklace?

He touched my hair and slowly lift it. His fingers touched the back part of my neck…i tried really hard to not let him know the sensation he was creating in my body…I turned slowly, looking in his eyes. I wanted to thank him but i felt like crying…

-Now it’s perfect…let me wipe away these tears.

He touched my face so gently and pulled me closer to him…he leaned on me still looking in my eyes. I felt my heart beating so fast as he pressed his lips on mines kissing me with a tenderness i never felt before. I touched his curly hair letting him kiss me with passion, feeling my body trembling and my heart ready to explode…it felt like my first kiss…like my first love.

-Isabel, i don’t know how or where…but i have to see you again…promise me you won’t forget…

-Never…i’ll never forget you or the Miracle you made me live today. I…

-tell me…

-I love you…

He took me in his arms again and held me for a few more precious moments before he left…taking my heart with him.

(to be continued)

Just wanna feel alive…

“Fallait pas commencer m’attirer me toucher
Fallait pas tant donner moi je sais pas jouer
On me dit qu’aujourd’hui, on me dit que les autres font ainsi
Je ne suis pas les autres…”

(Celine Dion-“Pour que tu m’aimes encore”)

-Your friends are so nice! How could i ever thank them for the gifts and the flowers…

-And for that red wine who brought back the color to your face, my sweet Alicia. Not to mention this lovely drawn that their daughter made for you…

-That’s my favorite! She’s so talented…and she’s only 8…she even wrote on the drawn our names…

-You are so great with children, you’ll be an amazing mother some day.

-I want this more than anything…Phillipe, if i could change all i have for a baby, i would without any regret.

I was lying in his arms, feeling his warm skin, his sculpted body. His hands were caressing my hair making me feel more relax than ever. Feeling his warmth breath on the back of my neck, the goose bumps appeared on my skin. He smiled and started kissing my shoulders…

-i wanna take you upstairs and make love to you…

I tried to concentrate to say something but all i could do is to put my arms around him as he was carrying me upstairs…

The room smelled like roses, there were flowers all over…in the light of the candles, he looked more attractive than ever before. I couldn’t take my eyes from his body…it was fascinating to see him like this. I felt like dreaming…closing my eyes and feeling every touch, every kiss…

He stopped for a moment, looking deep into my eyes while his hands were taking off all of my clothes…it was the moment i felt so afraid of…being in intimacy with him, letting him know my body…i felt so vulnerable…The look in his eyes was all i needed…so much desire and so much love…

-you are so beautiful…

His hands were so gentle and his kisses so passionate and i wanted this moment to last forever…i felt my body responding with a sensitivity i didn’t even knew i could feel it. I wanted so much to feel our bodies becoming one…but the same time i knew i’m about to give my heart and my soul too. The way we were making love…it was so complete, so perfect…

-baby…you got scared…i can feel you’re afraid…we can stop if it’s too much…

-no…i don’t wanna stop…i wanna be yours…i feel like my heart belongs to you…

-you are mine…you’re so precious to me…i’ll be so gentle with your heart…and i make you feel like you’re the only woman on earth…close your eyes and let me feel like i’m a part of you…

I closed my eyes, letting all the passion and the pleasure to take control over my body and mind. He was right…there was no pain, no hurt, only pleasure…And love…i felt like for the first time i can give myself completely to a man. No hesitation, no looking back…we were both lost in our passion…with no need to justify anything, not even to ourselves.

I looked into his eyes still trembling, still amazed by the intensity of what i just felt. He smiled and kissed me, wiping away the tears from my eyes.

-i love you…i never felt that before…Alicia…i know those tears…they are because you feel so much…it’s new to you to feel this way, right, baby?

-yes…i don’t even know how to described it…you’re my everything…

-baby…i wanna tell you something. It’s about my past…some things i did…you know what i’m talking about…you asked me so many times and i avoided because i thought i’ll lose you…but now you need to know…

-no, Phillipe…mon amour…please, don’t do this…i don’t wanna know…

I felt the panic of losing him, of losing the man i was starting to love.

-one day, baby, you’ll wish to turn back time and to listen the truth. I’ll never hurt you…but i’m not the man you think i am…my life was pretty dark for a while…you sensed that in me…

-the only thing…the only truth i know is that everything i touch turns into dust. And every time i try to give my heart…i’m just dying inside…and now you wanna tell me about you…when i just felt like i’m breathing again…

I started to cry in his arms.

-Phillipe, tell me what’s so wrong with me…why every time…every man…is just hurting me…i just want to feel loved…and even you…i don’t wanna feel this pain anymore…it’s probably me…i’m not worthy of anybody’s love…

He pulled me closer to his body.

-baby…please don’t cry…forgive me…i wont say a single more word. You’re so silly…how could it be anything wrong with you?…you’re perfect…you should have all the love in the world…look in my eyes…baby…no more tears, ok?…i”ll do all…i’ll give my best to be the man you need…the one you deserve, just please stop breaking my heart like this…

I felt so tired of all the strugle…all i could do is close my eyes and feel his heart beating next to mine.

-promise? i asked with a sleepy voice…not a single word…and you love me?

-Alicia, my love…yes…i love you…you’re completely safe with me…

Deep inside my heart i knew the truth. And he knew it too…I’m never completely safe…

But for now it’s enough to hear him say this…

And maybe if i’m repeating often enough…i’ll end up believing it too.

We had it all…

“Losing my mind
From this hollow in my heart
Suddenly I’m so incomplete
Lord I’m needing you now
Tell me how to stop the rain
Tears are falling down endlessly…”

(Mariah Carey-“Love takes time”)

Standing alone in the middle of the crowd…waiting and thinking. Phillipe said he’ll be back in 10 minutes because he needed to talk to a client. A part of me was almost in the verge of telling him “please don’t go, don’t leave me alone…” but i stopped just in time to save my dignity. All these people seems so happy, so in love, the romantic music and the warm athmosphere really bring the best in them. And Peter with that girl…

-Aly…is someone here who insisted so much to meet you that i had no chance to say no. She’s Estelle, our bright star from the summer campain. And your biggest fan, my dear Aly…

-Nice to meet you, Alicia. I admire you so much, it’s an honor to finaly talk to you.

For a moment i thought i’m in a paralel universe. There were Peter and the girl (i mean Estelle) holding hands. She was beautiful, angelic look with big baby blue eyes and an inocent smile. I finaly got my voice back:

-Nice to meet you too, Estelle. And thank you for your kind words, but i think Peter deserve all the credit for our latest project. So, did you enjoied the party?

She tried to say something but Peter grabbed her by the arm and pushed her gently toward the door.

-Sweety, go wait in the car. I have something very private to talk to Aly. Now be a good girl and go to the car.

She left quietly, under my shocked eyes…

-Why did you treated her like this? You were so impolite…And she just obeids you, like that…

-Yes, Aly, she’s like a little good puppy. She does everything i tell her to do and know what? i’m loving this in a woman…i may give her a big hard price tonight.

-You drinked? My God, Peter…you promissed me…

-Honey…we both broked all the promisses. Yes i’m drunk and you’re coming with me…

-No, i’m not…

-Yes, you are…you’re so afraid of embarassing your new boyfriend in front of his client…so be quiet and he wont know…

He was right, i was afraid of Phillipe’s reaction. Before i could think further, i found myself alone with him in a room…didn’t even knew there’s a room so closed to restaurant…

-You are disgusting…don’t know how you can live with yourself. I can’t stand that smell of alcohol and that look in your eyes…

-but you like my hands on your body, don’t you, Aly? come on…one last time…i’m not that drunk!

He pushed me by the wall and started to kiss my neck while his hands were untidening my dress. Feeling so helpless against his body, i saw flashes in my mind. From the past…from the near future. A new found feeling od shame and fear…I started to cry so desperate, almost running out of air…

He stopped for a moment and looked deep in my eyes…

-Looks like you don’t love me anymore, Aly…let me tell you something…i slept with half of the woman from the party, Liz included…Yes, don’t look so shocked…she’s lame in bed…Anyway, you are the best…now i wanna have you one last time and then you can go do whatever you want with him.

-Peter, you’re drunk! You know what drinking does to you… Just let me go, you’re hurting me…

-He’s better than me? Tell  me, Aly…i wont let you go this time…you’re acting so scared and hurting but we both know you like it…

I heard someone forcing the door to open…shoutings and Phillipe’s voice. The time seemed to stop while he was pulling Peter from me and than the sounds of fighting. I closed my eyes and collapse into Phillipe’s arms.

A few hours later, in Phillipe’s appartment…

-Here’s a chamomilla tea…it will help you relax a little. You cried so much, i think you have fever…let me hold you, you’re trembling. Say something, baby, i’m worried sick for you now. Can i get you something?

-…no, don’t go…promise me you wont leave me alone…

-i’m here, my love…Alicia…he will pay, i promise you this. For every tear he caused…i’ll make sure he’ll lose it all.

-Phillipe…how can a man do that? any man…how low should a person feel to abuse someone this way…i feel so empty…like in the place where i felt love now is just empty and fear…how will i ever go on feeling like this?

-i dont have an answer…i know for sure that love has nothing to do with this…i can promise you i’ll spend every moment from now on loving you, making you feel how good it is to feel loved and protected…

-you love me? you really do…?

-I love you…now try to sleep, i’ll be right here holding you all night long. My love…

And even if in the darkness of the night i was feeling lost, i knew all the time, deep inside my heart, that it will be light. And right in that moment my old wounds were starting to heal.

I wanna change my world…

“I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what’s beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth.”

(Westlife feat. Diana Ross-“When you tell me that you love me”)

Eight years ago…

-Tell me about him…this guy you’re in love with…you said he’s older? How much older?

-Like 30 and something…

-C’mon Aly…you know exactly how old is he…you said his name is Peter? Wait a minute…he’s…

-I know, dad! Now you’re gonna give me the speech about how he’s gonna use me and i’m gonna get hurt. And how i need someone more close to my age…a nice young man from a nice family…

-Sweety…you’re only 20…you’re smart, beautiful and you have your future ahead. You really wanna be in a relationship with a 35 years old man? What do you think he wants from you? A family? I’m sorry i cannot agree to this!

-I didn’t ask for your opinion, dad! We love each other, there’s nothing you can do about that…

-You love him, i can imagine that. He has style, charisma, experience…he makes you feel important…but have you ever wondered what is gonna happened when he’ll get bored? Because in a few month he will…

-I can’t believe that! So, you don’t think he can love me? Because i’m so unattractive and boring, right? I’m so lucky to have your money…other wise no guy would ever look at me! It’s so good to know the way you really think about me…

-Aly…you misunderstood me. You’re not the problem here…he is. You’re too good for someone like him…

-You know, dad…i heard that a thousand times before! No one is good enough for me! I think i’m old enough to make my own decisions! He love me, he told me that…it’s all that matters to me. And if you’re not ok with this…it’s your problem! Peter and I we’re gonna get married and have children some day…

Now…

-Alicia…did you heard any word i said to you? I know you’re tired, but as soon as you sign this, you’re free! You can forget all about him and concentrate on your real future. You talked to your father?

-Yes, he’s so happy…it’s like his dream to see me working in his company…away from Peter and modelling…

-away from a toxic and abusive relationship, Alicia! And away from a world that can only harm you…you know i’m right!

-…so, tell me…how much is my dad paying you? All the investigation…and baby-sitting me…pretending you’re my friend, gaining my confidence. And one more thing…the seduction was a part of a plan? The red roses…they must costed a lot. And what you said…you’ll have my heart before having my body…so romantic. My dad knows about this too? If i wanna sleep with you…how much is it? Tell me, Phillipe…am i rich enough or should i borrow some money from my dad?

-I understand you’re upset…but i won’t allowed you to talk like this to me…

-Really? And what are you going to do about this?

-Listen to me and listen very careful, Alicia. I told you the truth. Your father hired me when you started dating Matt again. Because he knew about his past…My job was to make sure he wont be around you anymore, witch i did. But then you showed up…in my hotel room, crying in my arms. And the image i had about you was changed completely. After your father told me many times how immature, impulsive and spoiled you are…it was like a revelation…

-What do you mean by revelation?

-About myself…that i can love again. Seeing you so hurt with tears in your eyes, feeling your body trembling in my arms, knowing how deep and beautiful can you really feel…i didn’t cared anymore about your father, it was all about you. To love you…protect you, even from yourself if i have to…And i lied to you…it was wrong, i know, but it was not a crime. So, don’t punish me for carrying! And don’t insult me anymore, i wont take it, not from you, not from anybody else. I’m not your enemy…

-I almost believe you…

-Come here…i wanna feel you in my arms. Close your eyes…everything will be ok, i promise you this.

-Because you’re here to save me, right?

-…because i’m here to make sure you’ll never feel like a victim of your own destiny. This is not an option anymore. I’ll give you the power to control your life. And the will to do it…