This ain’t a love story…

“Vida, devuelveme mis fantasias
Mis ganas de vivir la vida
Devuelveme el aire…
Carino mio, sin ti yo me siento vacio
Las tardes son un laberinto
Y las noches me saben
A puro dolor…”

(Son by Four-“A puro dolor”)

Belle…love of my life…

Your curse functioned…i lost my peace of mind, my peace of soul..forever…My dreams are haunted by demons and the days…empty…and everything i touch turns into dust…And i have no right…i’m the sinner here…I broke your wings and I convicted both of us to living hell…Baby, if i could turn back time…

Belle…it seemed so easy to lock the door…just turn around and fulfill my dreams…now i wish i had one more chance to say to you: please, never leave me! My heart told me to stop you and i ignored…the “superior” reason won and now i’m lost…Tell me how to convince myself to wake up in the morning, knowing you’re not here beside me…tell me how to forgive myself…

You cursed me to a long life in misery…i’m already there, missing my Sun, my Joy, my Life…missing you with every piece of my broken heart. I’m such a fool…how could i try to save the world when i can’t even defend my love…Forgive me…or ask God for my forgiveness…cause He’s not answering anymore…My Angel…please…ask Him to release me from this cold, empty world…

Mark

I tried to ignore the tremble i felt inside me. Control yourself…words can’t touch you…words can’t harm you anymore…

-What do you say, Alicia…it’s probably a mistake but i wanted to be completely honest with you, so…when i saw the mail…

-Delete it! Phillipe, i’m starving…what’s for dinner?

-Wait…didn’t you read it? He wants you back, he’s regretting the moment when he took the money…my money…

-So what? He’s rich now…he’ll find some comfort…when he’s tired of playing hero…

He came closer and took my face into his hands. Looking deep in my eyes, touching gently my lips…

-Alicia…why are you like this? You think i like it? I know you’re hurting…i know you loved him and maybe you still do…i rather see you crying over him…

-I’ll never cry again! Never! Look…you’re my husband…the man who loves me, who cares for me…the man who’s holding me every night and the man who’s making my dreams come true. I belong to you…this is my place. On the other hand…Mark…who’s Mark?

-No one…

-Exactly! No one…so, my love…can we just forget him and concentrate on much more pleasant things…cause if you’re not taking me to dinner…at least take me to bed…

He carried me to the bedroom and everything seemed normal for a while. Because in my world normality is different from other’s normality…and this makes her precious and rare.

Me…my life…my world…who am I? No one…

Exactly. No one.

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When Heaven cried

“Send them your heart
So they’ll know that someone cares
So their cries for help
Will not be in vain
We can’t let them suffer
No we cannot turn away
Right now they need a helping hand”

(Various artists-“We are the world”)

God, give me the power to accept what i cannot change…Please, God, make me wise enough to choose right from wrong, take away the anger and pain and fill my heart with Love and Hope…

Cause right now, my Lord, i can’t accept…and i cannot stop asking “Why?”…

-Alicia…baby, you’re crying…

-i’m sorry, Phillipe, i was watching on youtube…about the attack from Syria…

He took me in his arms and wiped away my tears.

-yes, i saw that…i know how sensitive you are about this kind of things…but there’s nothing you can do about…

-actually, i was praying…

-to who?

The question seemed so ironic…it made me lift my eyes to meet his look. He smiled at me and continued:

-to your God, right? And…what’s the result? Any answer so far? No wait, tell me first…what did you asked?

-wisdom and love…

He grabbed my chin so he could see deep in my eyes.

-baby…you don’t need to ask for that…you already have them. But if talking to an imaginary character helped you, that’s fine with me…anything for your beautiful smile…Tell me, wanna talk about this? The images you saw…

-Phillipe, what i saw…all those children…all the dying…what kind of people, what kind of human beings can hurt children this way? I heard their cries…that’s beyond cruelty. And i saw mothers and fathers crying…There’s nothing, absolutely nothing, that can justify these crimes.

-And what you feel right now? It’s more than sadness, right, Alicia? You feel anger…you want them to be punished…That’s why you asked for love and wisdom, because you cannot forgive and forget…

He was right, i couldn’t forgive and forget…I imagined that no one can…he continued to talk, fixing my eyes with his, like hypnotizing me.

-…and i’m pretty sure that you cannot turn the other cheek neither…or praying for those who did that to children…innocent children…

-no, i’m just too small, i feel too small…and i still need to “grow up”, spiritually meaning…so i could get near acceptance and love…but i ask for guidance in all my prayers…

He started to laugh.

-I’m sorry, baby, for laughing…but you’re so wrong…and deep inside your heart you know it. Accept the unacceptable and love the unlovable…Wanna know something about yourself? You can correct me if i’m wrong…

-go ahead, nothing can shock me anymore…

-You never followed rules, not even the simple ones. Always said you got your own set of rules…and never accepted someone else’s. In time, people tried to impose you things…they never succeeded…Am i right so far?

-yes…

-a rebel, no matter what, ever since you were a child! And you always felt special somehow and you’re still judging yourself really hard for that, like it were a bad thing…

-it is a bad thing…and i only wanna feel like a normal person, cause feeling special kinda isolates me…

-Let me continue, please…So, ever since you were a child, you took the initiative and the others followed you. You never accepted abuses and you always had an inner sense of justice. And sometimes, deep inside your heart, you feel that God Itself is not being fair…and, in your mind, you fight with Him, you questioned His choices. And that made you scared and confused, feeling guilty and sad…You’re still trying to deny those feelings, don’t you? And you still feel a strange presence around you, especially in your dreams…you try to tell yourself that it’s your Guardian Angel…

He talked like he could read my soul. It was too much…i turned my back on him, so that he couldn’t see the effect of his words. How he touched my soul…i felt so exposed and vulnerable…

-that means i’m right…

I turned to see his eyes, so deep, so dark…i touched gently his cheek and i started to play with his careless hair.

-Phillipe, can we drop this subject? You know you’re right…you seems to read my soul and my mind. And it really helped me to talk to you…but you scares me a little…

He ignored me and continued to speak:

-Alicia, if you knew…you’re not the only one who felt this way…those feelings, the inner fight and the deep sense of justice…You know who else questioned God?

-please…i’m tired…let’s go to bed, this discussion is too much for me…now you’re gonna tell me about fallen angels…

He smiled at me.

-Why would i tell you something that you already know? Come to bed, we’ll talk about this another time…

He took me in his arms holding me tight, so gentle and carrying…

-By the way…you didn’t said…He ever answers to your prayers?

-always…He just did that…My Lord, please forgive what seems to be beyond human forgiveness and heal our wounds produced by hate…thank you for being my guide trough the darkness…Holly Father, i’m still lost, i’m still searching…please, be my eyes when i can’t see…