Wish i were you

“Can’t you see I can give you

Everything you need

I’m the one who want to love you more.”

(Celine Dion-“To love you more”)

-Tell me about this amazing guy you’re gonna meet next week!

-Ali, it wont be any amazing guy if i don’t find a proper dress to wear…I can’t go to the date wearing my uniform from work…

I looked at Anette trying to be as much sympathetic as she needed at the time. She really seemed upset and i wasn’t in my best mood…tired and sad after leaving the company…scared by the thought of working with (or should i say…for) Phillipe, still trying to adjust to my new life. A married woman…still couldn’t believe how my life changed in just a few months…

She interrupted my thoughts.

-Anyway, i shouldn’t bother you with my problems. I don’t even know why i told him to meet when i know my condition…cleaning rooms in the hotel…don’t get me wrong, Ali, i’m grateful for your effort to find me this job, is much better than being a servant to that i…sorry, to Phillipe. Keep forgetting he’s your husband…Know what? I’ll just cancel the date…he’s way out of my league…

-Why are you talking this way, Anette? You’re smart and beautiful and interesting. If he’s the one for you…he shouldn’t care about your pay check or the way you earn your money, right? And…know what?

-What?

-I have the perfect solution to your problems! I was afraid of saying before, cause i don’t want you to feel bad…but if i can help…Can i offer you a dress or a few dresses of my own? As a gift for you…i let you choose and you can try them at home…Will you?

I saw her blushing and i felt like doing a big mistake. And then i saw the tears in her eyes. I should have known…

-Anette, i’m so sorry…i never wanted to make you feel…

-No, Ali, it’s not this…just that no one before you…no one at all…was so nice to me. You’re like a sister to me…and i’m overwhelmed…cause you helped me so much…finding me a job…and with my mom’s treatment…and now this…And i’m still whining and complaining…But i’m just so insecure thinking i’m gonna see him for the first time…did i told you he’s a doctor?

-No, i only knew he’s from London and that you two met online on a chat room…didn’t knew he’s a doctor…that’s great!

-Here…i have a picture of him…see…he’s gorgeous. His name is Mark and i truly feel he’s the one for me…

She showed me the picture and i felt like falling in a deep swamp…uncontrollable feelings and my heart racing. Because in all this time i said to myself that i was dreaming…that he was only a vision from my tormented mind…but no, he is real…Mark…my Mark…i could still feel his kiss on my burning lips and his hands running trough my hair. AND IT WASN’T RIGHT! Someone i used to call “a ghost”, “a vision”…the love at first sight…maybe the love of my life…How could i be so foolish? He’s a real man! Using a chat room and dating Anette! My God…

-Ali…are you alright? You look like you just saw a ghost…Ali! You’re all white and trembling…

-No…i’m ok…I just didn’t eat lunch and i think i’m catching a cold or something…Now come on…i promised you a new wardrobe, right? Let’s chose some nice dresses for you…

two hours later

-Alicia…why is this woman leaving our home with a big bag full of dresses? I thought we talked about it…you know how i hate when you’re so friendly with servants…

Trying to cover my true emotions…still shaking from deep inside my heart…I smiled at him, looking into his eyes and putting my arms around his neck.

-Well…technically…she’s not your servant anymore…and she needed some clothes…you know, for the first date and a few more…hopefully…She’s dating some doctor from London and she’s so insecure about her look and style and intelligence…actually…her everything…So, i thought i can help with a few dresses…you know i have too many clothes…

Phillipe started to laugh as he held me tight in his arms.

-My sweet princess…always running to help the needy ones…but there’s a fact i should tell you. Look at me, Alicia, when i talk to you…Alright…A servant remains a servant! You can dress her anyway you want! And about her insecurities…don’t make me laugh…why in the hell is she dating a doctor? Well, she’ll have a major break down after the first date, believe me!

-Why do you hate her so much? Because she’s poor?

-Because she’s a garbage! A disobeying garbage! Who, by the way, insulted you! And never…not in a million years, i’ll never be able to understand why you care for her! Sometimes i feel that you just likes to be insulted and abused…your choices seem to show it…

I felt hot steaming tears running down my cheeks. I looked at Phillipe wanting…dreaming…that just for one second…it could be Mark the one who’s holding me…or i could be her…the one who’s gonna feel his arms around her…

Phillipe grabbed my face and wiped away my tears. He melted his tone trying to comfort me.

-I was too harsh…i’m very sorry for hurting your feelings. Alicia, i think you’re amazing but i also think you’re very naive sometimes…and i made a promise to protect you, remember? My beautiful wife…Look, you know i don’t care about the money you spend…give her money…help her financial…but stay away from her. I never wanna see her in our home again, or around you, princess…understood? Good, now come here…no need to cry, baby…i’m not upset with you…

So, was it the destiny? My destiny…or just a cruel joke? A chance to say good bye to him…to see him one more time and look into his eyes. A chance to ask him why…

Why didn’t he gave me a chance? Why did he turned his back on me like that kiss never happened? Why did he broke his promise…letting me believe it was all just in my imagination. And…my God…why now? Now…when is too late…

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