Just an empty place

“Where do broken hearts go
Can they find their way HOME
Back to the open arms
Of a LOVE that’s waiting there…”

(Withney Houston-“Where do broken hearts go”)

Two weeks ago

-Ready to face the world, Ali? If it were up to me we would never go back…but i have to deal with the consequences too…

-What do you mean? You heaven’t done nothing bad…

-Ali, you’re the sweetest girl ever…but i did a few things…i’m not proud of myself! I completely lost my self-control…and maybe some day you’ll blame me…

-no…never! What we did…we did it together…i was lonely and sad…and i flirted with you the whole time…i’m assuming my role in the game…remember, partners in crime?

-Ali, the crime was already committed…

-now, stop it, Henry…you copy my words…

-so, what will you do when you’ll arrive at Monte Carlo?

-the only thing i can do: stay away from Phillipe, my father, their company…and search for my love, my true love…maybe i’ll never find him, but at least i gotta try! So, take me back in the jungle, i have a few snakes to lock away in cages…

today

-…the ring just looks amazing on your finger…did i told you today how happy you made me? My fiancee…

-interesting choice of the stone…a black diamond…

-you deserve every diamond in the world, princess…i know it’s not traditional but…our relationship isn’t traditional neither…my love…

-no…not traditional at all…remember how you proposed me? I was at the hospital with little Roby, scared to death…and you told me about that expensive treatment in Tokyo…and you were offering to pay it…you said, in front of his parents, that you don’t need anything in return…anything except…

-except for you to accept my marriage proposal…

-correct, Phillipe! So, Helen started to cry, almost kneeling in front of me…it was horrible…and i found myself in the worst situation any person could be…

-princess…i have every right to fight for your love…tell me, is it so wrong? You saved little Roby’s life…Helen is happy, we are happy…your father is happy…i gave him back the company…like you wanted…

-I’m not happy! I didn’t saved Roby’s life, God did this! Your money helped a lot…but it was God’s choice…

He started to laugh, holding my hands and kissing my fingers.

-…then, Alicia, my love…just pretend you’re accepting God’s will…like a good saint that you are! Hope you’re not gonna bring this “saint-attitude” to our bedroom, princess…What, you’re blushing? Now…come here…that’s the sweetest thing i ever saw…

-…

-i was so proud of you today…you’re the leader i always wanted you to be. If your father could see you…by the way, how does he feels? Do you think he’s strong enough to be told the good news?

-he’s recovering…but, please, give him more time…he just had a heart attack…any stress could kill him…we’ll just tell him at the right moment…

-Alicia…when? we’re getting married in a few weeks…

I started to feel like suffocating…like every time he mention the word “marriage”. Only this time it got worst…

-baby…drink some water…breath calmly…it’s alright…you almost had a panic attack…every time i try to talk to you about our wedding…and it’s going to happened…

-why? why the rush? why the pressure? What do you want from me…i already accepted it…

-…nothing, my love…only your heart. Is it too much to ask? After all i did for you…tell me princess? How much pain and suffering do you need to see around you…so you could realize that in this world it’s not just you? There’s other people, Alicia…you’re only thinking about yourself…so selfish…but you’re young, we have time to change it…

He started to caress my hair…kissing my neck…pressing me against his body…

-…actually, Alicia…i lied…it’s not just your heart that i want…come to bedroom and i’ll show you what i mean…now, don’t act so scared, there’s nothing wrong in making love to your future husband…

Making love to my future husband…his words were burning my heart…but do i still have a heart? Sometimes everything he said seems to make sense…maybe i love him but i’m just afraid…after all, marriage was always such a delicate issue to me…

But what if i don’t?

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Lost in Paradise

“When there’s love inside
I swear I’ll always be strong.
then there’s a reason why.
I’ll prove to you we belong.
I’ll be the wal that protects you
from the wind and the rain,
from the hurt and pain.”

(Bryan Adams-“All for love”)

Early in the morning

-It’s saturday! You know i promissed my dad i’ll be…

-Your father will have to accept the idea…let’s make it oficial: i’ll call him and let him know you’re kidnaped…

-You’re crazy, Phillipe!

I started to laugh as he took me in his arms.

-Now, princess…you have no choice! I’ll take you to my castle and make you mine…it would be better if you’ll accept it willingly…

-well…promise me you’ll be gentle…this is my first kidnapping…

I smiled to him, running my fingers trough his careless hair…

Four hours later, in Les Baux des Provence

-This house is amazing! I had no idea that you own a house in the Provence…and what a house! You’re the richest lawyer i ever met…

-I was lucky enough to be born in a rich family, that’s all…the law is just a passion. Come upstairs…i’ll show you the main bedroom.

The main bedroom looked like a room from a palace. A king’s bedroom…simple and elegant the same time. I couldn’t help it…my imagination was running wild…me and Phillipe making love on the satin sheets. The though was exciting and my heart was already beating faster. Like he could read my mind, he sat next to me on the bed rubbing gently my shoulders.

-You know how many times i had this fantasy of seeing you in this bed…without all these clothes…just your soft warm skin. I imagined how i would kiss you all over…your skin is like silk, softer than any texture…i adore this taste…

He started to lay softly kisses on my body…i never felt such an incredible sensation…it almost scared me. The desire of being his…knowing it will be fantastic. I tried to stop myself and get back my self control…

-You make me lose my self control, Phillipe…and i can’t do this without knowing you better…i still need some answers…

-My love…you don’t need any self control…you’re safe here. And as much as i wish to make love to you right now…we will wait. Now let’s go to the castle before i’ll change my mind. Remember…you’re kidnapped…completely under my power.

I smiled to him…he kissed me with a passion i almost forgot it can be.

An medieval castle in an medieval village

-Come on, princess! Take off your sandals…i can’t believe i let you wear high heels here. What was i thinking about! I only agreed to the long dress because you look amazing in white. Like a true princess…

-So…carry me till the top of the hill! In your arms…my feet are hurting from all the walk…i think i’ll make you give me a massage tonight…

-I’ll give you more than that…and it wont hurt at all…only pleasure. Now let me kiss you…i never kissed a princess before…

Feeling his strong arms around my body i was thinking…when was the last time i felt so secure and loved. It was much more than desire…i felt trust. I forgot how good is to trust someone. How could i not trust him…i felt like he was saving my life the other days…that nightmare and the way he pulled me trough and made me smile again.

My day dreaming was interrupted by a strange voice from behind. There was nothing sweet or gentle about this person. A woman…looked like 30, maybe more…with savage eyes and ravished hair. And that voice…she pointed at me and started yelling in anger.

-You arrogant bitch! Why did you came back here? Why?! You wanted to see the ruins…that’s all we have left, ruins! You destroyed it all! You wanted freedom…you got your freedom and we paid the price! But noooooo…that was not enough…you had to came back!

In a complete state of shock, i looked around. She was really talking to me. People were starring…her accent was american. She had frozen eyes and an evil smile…

-You were death, i saw you dying! Who brought you back? The King? He’s an idiot then! Those eyes…i recognize them! Princess Alix de Baux…

-How did you called me? No, you’re confusing me. My name is Alicia Isabel, not…

-Never vassals! That’s what you said! You arrogant and disobedient bitch! And we believed you! Look what you did…only ruins…

Before she could say anything more, her parents showed up. Her father took her twisted hands and got her to their car. I heard her screams all the way…

Her mother looked at me with the saddest eyes i ever saw.

-I am so sorry for my daughter…she’s schizophrenic…she had these crisis ever since we came here. We’re leaving today and i wanted to see the castle one more time. I’m so sorry…she did this before to another tourist…saying all the crazy things…I’m deeply sorry that she offended you like that, i should know better. We just took our eyes from her for a few seconds and she…

I couldn’t take it anymore. Seeing that poor tormented woman pleading for her daughter. It was too much…i got closer and took her in my arms. She seemed so surprised…she started to cry. I assured her i’m not mad and i asked if i can help…with anything. She said no. She left looking so deeply hurt…

I turned my head to see Phillipe. He was there, but seemed lost. I could swear he had tears in his eyes and when he finally spoke his voice sounded tired and sad.

-Let’s go home, my love. Alicia…what you did right now…i thought i know you…

-You’re upset with me? It wasn’t my fault, and her mom was so sad…how could i let anybody feel like this without trying to help? You understand, right? Please, talk to me…i didn’t mean…

He took me in his arms and kissed me, making me feel more confused than ever. He looked deeply in my eyes and grabbed my face.

-Every time i think i’m in love with you…i realize it’s much more. I love you. It’s that kind of love i always knew it exists but i never felt it. I don’t even know how to say this to you…except that i want you forever in my life. I know i sound desperate…but you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You think that in time…maybe you could feel the same?

I didn’t had an answer. I wish i could make my heart listen to all the reasons, the rational reasons. I wish i could feel for him all the right things. All i know is how fascinating i find him…but that’s not nearly enough.

Her words were still in my mind. “All we had left are ruins”. She was talking about my heart…