Vanilla flavored

“I’d be smiling if I wasn’t so desperate
I’d be patient if I had the time
I could stop and answer all of your questions
As soon as I find out
How I can move from the back of the line”

(Emeli Sande-“Clown”)

-So…what did you thought when you saw my gift box with the pink ribbon? What did you imagined inside of it?

Phillipe started to laugh and i could tell from the look in his eyes that he’s happy, relaxed…it felt so good knowing i can make him feel like this, i really can bring these sparks in his eyes…

-Baby…the pink ribbon it’s one thing, but the scent of vanilla is the key here…the box has a strong vanilla flavor…so, i thought…

-Tell me…

-…a cookie, a teddy bear, even a pink underwear, for you to wear, of course…But, not in a million years…of course, i should never forget how surprising you are…Alicia…

I saw a shadow in his eyes and i put my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. It felt amazing…having him so close to me made me realize how much i want him in my life…forever…

He continued with a tempered tone, like being afraid to say the words.

-Baby, please listen to me…it was amazing…it felt like a dream come true, like fulfilling a need i almost forgot i have. I felt powerful, i felt honored by your trust in me, i felt excited like never before…but i can’t stop asking myself…you did it only for me? You felt somehow constrained, like it is your duty? Because i don’t want you to feel this way…

-Phillipe, i’m going to be very opened about this, to be honest…when i bought the handcuffs i did it only to look at them…i never thought i’ll be brave enough or that i’ll trust you enough…Mon amour, for me it was a shock to find out that the man i’m married with…wishes something different in intimacy, something like bdsm…i felt betrayed, scared, lied, abused…

His eyes were expressing so much regret, it almost melted me inside to see him so sad.

-Alicia, princess…my biggest regret is that i wasn’t honest with you from the start. I should had done it…you needed your freedom to choose. Now i know…

-Hey…don’t be so harsh to yourself…no…you never told me but there were so many signs…i just refused to admit to myself. Or maybe i just dreamed about changing you…it was unfair to you. So, you’re Dominant…so what? I still love you, i still wanna be with you for the rest of my life. The pink handcuffs…i guess they were my way of telling you that i wanna make you happy. That i trust you with my life…i trust you blindly and that i respect your decisions…I’m only afraid…

I stopped for a moment. He took me in his arms, keeping me warm with his body.

-Princess…what are you afraid of? You think i could hurt you…

-I’m afraid i’ll let you down…you see, mon amour…i wanna make you happy, but regardless of how hard i’m trying, i can’t be submissive…is not about intimacy…is about every day…Deep inside of me, there’s a rebel trying to escape…i can’t lock this side of me forever. And i admit…i’m terribly afraid of pain…

-Baby…causing you pain it’s out of discussion…i love every inch of your body…i only want you to feel pleasure from being touched by me…Alicia…how could you think of something like this…no wonder you were so scared every time…

-and i’ll never call you Sir! I can’t, Phillipe…i look at you and i see my lifetime partner, my man, my love…not my master…

-I look at you and i see my princess…the most beautiful woman in the whole world, the love of my life, the mother of my future children…not my sub. See? We’re not that different…And tonight you showed me all i needed to see…why would i ever ask you to call me Sir? And how could I? When i worship the ground you’re stepping on…

I felt my heart filled with a new feeling…hope…trust…He looked in my eyes and started kissing my neck. His eyes were playful.

-So…there’s a rebel who’s trying to escape…a beautiful sexy rebel…you know what i do with them, don’t you?

-Don’t know…throw them to the fire?

-Of course, we can start a fire…if i’ll kiss you here…and then move my attention to this little spot…But when i’m that lucky…to have a rebellious princess in my arms…i usually start by seducing her and then…we’re gonna make love…did i ever told you that…the scent of vanilla drives me wild…pure passion in her sweetest form…

And here’s an option i never took in consideration: having a happy marriage…I was used to fight, used to escape, even if it was in a virtual world once…but i never even thought that I could be happy. I never gave him a single chance, i never gave myself a single chance. Programmed for failure…sett to identify an aggressor in every person who ever got near me…when maybe the real enemy was living deep inside my own mind… 

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Over the edge

“Tears of love, tears of fear
Bury my dreams, dig up my sorrows
Oh, Lord why
the angels fall first”

(Nightwish-“Angels fall first”)

-So…the red one or the black one? Or do you like the purple one? Mon amour…take a good look and help me choose…you know i’m helpless when it comes to decisions…

-Alicia…you look stunning no matter what you’re wearing under your clothes…let’s buy them all…

-No…you’re not getting away with this…come closer and feel them…let’s start with the red one…

I took his hand and leaded him in the small dressing room. We were surrounded by mirrors and, a few steps away, people were buying things…I leaded his fingers on the cup of my bra…

-Feel it…is soft and smooth and it’s a perfect fit…now, what do you say about the panties? Here…the red silk gives me the sensation of warmth, can you feel it too?…is like when you touches me…there…i’m melting inside…

He let a soft deep moan escaping from his lips while i pressed my body against his…

-Baby…what are you doing to me…and we’re in public…

-I’m just trying to decide…maybe i should show you the black one…please, can you help me…i need to take off these…

-Alicia…no…let me…

He pushed me gently against a mirror and pulled my hair exposing my neck…laying small kisses all along my neckline, going down on my shoulders…biting softly…i used my hands to grab his hair…i closed my eyes letting the pleasure to take control…

-Baby…i think we’re absolutely gonna buy those panties…they are a little wet…and i’m planning to make them even more wet…now don’t move…i guess you were right about melting inside…

I moaned louder biting my lip while he continued to kiss me all over my body. The sensation was overwhelming and feeling him inside made me lose my self control.

-You are perfect…baby…tell me if you want more…

-Yes…please…don’t stop…

-What…what do you want me to do to you? Say the words…

-I want…i need…make love to me…Phillipe…please…

Maybe the excitement of being nearly caught, maybe the red underwear, maybe the feeling of being on the edge all the time lately…maybe all these combined…i felt like falling without control…without even knowing when it all stopped…

He was smiling, stroking my back, touching my face…

-Phillipe…it was awesome…i can’t even speak…

-Sweetie…i’m crazy about you…remind me to take you to shopping more often…

-Yes…and to satisfy my needs constantly…now how can we go out without being caught?

He started to laugh  and helped me get dress.

later, at the hotel

-so…my handsome, brilliant and, not to forget, rich husband…saved me from trouble again…Phillipe…what did you told to that girl about my wet panties?

-the truth…that i seduced you in the dressing room…

-noooo…you didn’t! you told her that…we had sex in public?

-of course…and i also told her that you almost passed out because of the intensity of your orgasm…and i asked her to clean the mirror…and to make these dressing rooms bigger…

-but…we could had been arrested…

-No one arrests my adorable wife! Believe me, baby, she did cleaned the mirror…and she said “thank you, Sir” at the end…

-so…do you want me to tell you “thank you Sir”? You kinda made me beg you…and that made things even hotter…

-I just want you to be yourself…you’re changed…somehow…and i’m not sure if you’re happy…but i know I am…Alicia, i’m amazed…it’s like all i ever dreamed…you’re giving me now and is perfect…the control i need to have…

-You need to control me in order to love me…you need to feel a power over me…i know it now and i accept it…willingly…your happiness means everything to me…if you need to dominate me…i’ll give you total control…

-because you love me?

I nodded.

Because i don’t care anymore.

Beyond words

“If you’re a heart without a home
Rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You’re always stranded on the shore
Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if for reasons, what you’re looking for
I’ll be yours…”

(Westlife-“Heart without a home”)

Mark took my hand leading me to the bed…the white sheets seemed to glow in the moonlight. The air was fresh with a flagrance of mosque and lavender, relaxing and exciting the same time. My heart was beating so strong and when my eyes met his gaze i felt lost in the color of the sky. He kissed my fingers and smiled…so reassuring and sweet…i smiled back at him, feeling my pulse racing and my heart so full…

“I have never saw you looking so beautiful…let me look at you…” and he pulled me closer to his body melting away any trace of resistance…my nightgown…the white silk fabric felt on the floor, letting my body exposed in front of him. He looked at me amazed…and i felt like, for the first time, i am revealing myself completely. Overwhelming…i looked down…

“Isabel…please don’t look down…i’m amazed by you…i feel the aching need to make you mine…do you love me…do you wanna make love to me as much as need it?…please tell me…my precious Isabel…”. I nodded, unable to speak…there’s no way…i’m not gonna ruin it with my fears, with my insecurities…So i just pressed my body against his…putting my arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily…my passion unleashed…my heart and my soul exposed…completely and deeply in love…

He took me in his arms laying me on the bed…letting his hands to explore…my body responding like a fine violin under his fingers…under his kisses. I felt like i’m in a warm place with gentle light surrounding me…giving myself to a passion and a desire so long forgotten…fulfilling any unexpressed need and desire…realizing that…there’s no other man…and it will never be another…

I whispered his name and he looked in my eyes with tenderness…i closed my eyes and he kissed me so gentle and so deep…”You’re trembling…My sweet love…don’t be afraid, i’ll never hurt you…we’ll do this slowly and gently…till you’re ready to feel more…open your eyes…there’s no threat…you’re safe here in my arms…”. I opened my eyes, stroking his back, letting him in…

And the gentle light turned into a fire burning inside me…like a volcano waiting to erupt…like fireworks deep inside my body…taking control over me, over my fears, over everything…reaching the intensity of a thunder and overwhelming like a hurricane…but warm and sweet like rainbows after the rain…And i knew without asking…he felt the same…he was there too…for a few minutes that seemed like a sweet eternity…our souls were connected…to a level we cannot begin to understand and explain. Pure pleasure and pure love…

And laying there…still lost in a far away dimension…i felt the warmth of my tears…Tears of joy…tears of wonder…because i never knew how love can be…how making love can raise someone’s heart to a point where there’s no return. “Isabel…what happened…come here, my beauty…my love…please don’t cry…it was…just amazing…you are amazing…”.

Trying hard to tell him how i feel…because words have no place in this endless and pure joy. But i saw his scared look…thinking he might had hurt me and i wanted to bring back the light…

“Mark…i love you so much and tears are…just because…i…never…I never felt this way…all my life searching and you brought me there…to that place…and i never wanna lose you…my life is depending on you and i’m afraid to feel and i’m afraid to say…you’re The One, Mark…My forever…endless love…that’s why…my tears…”.

He smiled and kissed me again, wiping away my tears with a gentleness and love i never experienced…

“My sweet silly Belle…how could you ever lose me? Don’t you know…my heart will stop in the moment you’ll leave me…This world…without you…is just an empty place…a place where’s no light, no joy…nothing to live for…Don’t you know it?”

i nodded…

“I tried so hard to help others, hoping and praying that my emptiness inside will became easier to bare…and all this time it became bigger…And i tried so hard to heal people…physically and spiritually…And you came and you took my heart and heal it…Is the truth…in a second you did what i couldn’t do in a lifetime…you made me feel complete…And i thank God for every smile i see on your beautiful face…Isabel…now you’re smiling…and you’re sweet and amazing and…You’re mine…”

Yes, Mark…I’m yours and i thank God for my chance to love.

In his arms…with him in my heart…chasing away all my fears and all my doubts. Ready…finally ready…to change the world…

To change my world…to heal my heart…to save myself…

In the light of the morning sun

“Steal my heart with every note you play
I pray you’ll look my way
And hold me to your heart someday
I long to be the one that you caress with
tenderness
And you don’t know
You don’t even know that I exist.”

(Toni Braxton-“Spanish guitar”)

The cold air on my skin was giving me shivers…a strange light…is it already morning? How could it be…it seemed like i only slept for a few minutes…my eyes were still closed and i could feel the traces of the tears that i cried…falling asleep crying was lately my only way…I held my breath for a moment realizing i’m not alone in the room. Someone was there, caressing my hair…for a moment i thought i’m dreaming…his strong and gentle arms holding me tight. He must sensed i’m cold…because now his hands were gently rubbing my bare shoulders, going down…

My breath accelerated while i could feel my heart beating so fast…memories came back…last night…i just wanted to erase them…For a moment i imagined myself lying there, on the big white bed, asleep, wearing that silky nightgown…i knew i’m almost naked and i could feel in his touches how much he loved seeing me like this. His body was warm and feeling him so close made me tremble inside. He kissed my closed eyes and the traces of my tears…i could feel his warm breath on my neck and i could almost sense him smiling when the goosebumps appeared on my skin.

Maybe i’m just dreaming, maybe he’s not even real…sleepy thoughts…should i open my eyes and regain my control…or should i lye there and feel…just feel…in my mind were playing different scripts…but how could i fight this pleasure…how could i struggle with my desire…because my body in his hands, under his kisses was like an violin played by an expert. And he knew…playing with his fingers, kissing, caressing…every sensitive spot of my skin…and the smell of his body…the sweet pressure…he was moving so gently, so careful not to wake me up…

Like a fantasy come true…later in the morning i’ll just pretend nothing happened…just a dream…but my body will know…My eyes were still closed…fighting the temptation of opening them…what’s the point of facing reality…he’s having the control…just like he wanted…and it was so easy to let him…just to let him…It felt like there isn’t really a choice…i didn’t really had a choice…and it felt easier just to accept his desire…

But the sensation was so real…how can i pretend anymore…it were waves of warm pleasure invading my senses…and any attempt of fighting was useless…is just too late…we’re making love…no, he’s making love and i’m just pretending i’m not there…but i feel him with all my body and soul…it’s just too much to keep inside and my tears were falling down my cheeks…He saw them…he sensed my inner struggle…cause i could feel him kissing me, touching my face with an infinite tenderness…saying it’s alright…

The silky fabric of my nightgown felt so cold on my warm skin…i could still feel my body trembling…longing to feel him again…he’s holding me so close…like he’s afraid i’ll vanish…I slowly open my eyes…the light of the morning sun is too bright and i want the darkness of the sleep back…i want my dream back…i’m just hurting inside, deep inside my heart…He’s asking me how i feel and i can’t talk…he understands. He tells me how magic it feels to hold me in the morning light…i just can’t stop crying…

His words are reassuring and his voice is so warm…telling me he never meant to hurt me…i believe him and i see the blue of the sky in his eyes. He’s kissing my hair and he’s trying to tell me something. But he just stops…i know what he feels…i can feel he’s going trough some struggles too…but what’s the point? I’m trying to tell him that i’m fine, but he knows i’m lying and he doesn’t let me speak…kissing me with a desperate passion…

Because we both know it’s over…

And we both know that no dream can come true in the light of the morning sun…

What’s beyond control? (just another power game)

“My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best, my very best
I set you free.”

(Rod Steward-“I wish you love”)

The soft music and darkness of the beach…the full moon shining above us as he gently touched my shoulders keeping them warm…the cold wind and the waves…an angry sea with the power of ravishing my lonely heart…

He looked deep in my eyes and none of us knew what to say. This time, i wasn’t afraid of the silence…this time i didn’t tried to fulfill the empty space…But the need to feel his arms around me was overwhelming and he knew that. He also knew that i just need somebody…anybody…to give me a sense of normality trough the madness i’m living in…

-I wanna tell you about my dream…the dream i’m living right now with you…Alicia…in my dream i wanna lay with you on the warm sand…i wanna feel your soft skin and your silky hair…there’s no one here, just us…between the sky and the sea…no one will know how much passion…how much desire…my body is longing to have you in my arms…to touch you and to make love to you…

-Henri…if i could…

-don’t tell me you don’t want it…i know, i saw it in your eyes…i felt it in your touch…i know you’re afraid…you’re just frightened to feel…but there’s nothing here that could hurt you…tell me, does it feel good? my fingers trough your hair…my arms holding you so tight that you cannot run away…i can feel your heart beating so fast…you’re trying so hard not to feel…but your body knows better…

-just don’t do that…Henri…i know myself…this is how the disasters starts…everything is perfect at start and i’m always convincing myself that i’m in love…and later i only cause pain and suffering…but this time, with you…i just wanna be honest…

-Ali…you don’t even know what you feel…you’re confuse, you’re tired…let go all the tension…close your eyes and allow yourself to feel…give in to this desire…it’s normal and natural…don’t fight against your inner desires…we’re still friends…i’ll still be here in the morning…we’ll say it was a dream…you cannot really control what happened in a dream…

He was holding me tight, close to his body…i knew deep inside my heart that i have to stop this…it happened too many times before. Same script…different actors. I keep making the same mistakes…confusing passion with love and loneliness with desire. Running from an abusive relationship only to jump in the next one’s arms…Only that this time i cannot pretend anymore…i cannot say like i always did: “i’m trying to fall in love…” or “i don’t know what i feel and i’m trying to find out”…This time i know exactly how i feel. I know how it feels to be in love. It’s crazy…I am in love…maybe is the wrong person, the wrong moment, the wrong time…but i feel it with all my heart. I cannot lie anymore, not to myself, not to the others. And yes…it’s a tragedy…and it’s heartbreaking… and i just wish i could erase it from my mind…

He lied me on the sand…i felt the panic of letting things go too far…

-please…don’t…i wanna go back to the hotel…

I saw it in his eyes, i saw the burning desire, the hunger…it almost frightened me…And right in that moment i realized how incredibly naive i was. Thinking i can have him as a friend, thinking he would help me without asking anything in return. The thought brought tears in my eyes. He looked at my face like it were the first time he saw me.

-…so vulnerable…so lonely and scared…Ali…you’re just so sweet…trying to fight the inevitable. When all you should do is to enjoy our passion…because i can make you feel so good…but i love this game of yours…saying no when you really mean yes…it’s alright…you only makes me want you more…feeling this tension in your body…tell me something…what will you do if i don’t stop? if i’m starting to make love to you…ignoring anything your rational mind is telling me…

-Henri…

-tell me…will you try to fight me…will you scream…will you cry, pleading with me to let you go? Or will you relax and play along…enjoying every moment even if you’re convinced that i was forcing you into this…

-no…i wont…

-what? tell me…i wanna hear the words…you wont do…what?

-i wont fight…or scream…or plead with you to let me go…i wont even cry…

-good…see? it wasn’t that hard…

-I will die. I mean it, Henri…I will just die. It’s all i want…

My words shocked him. He looked at me like he just realized what he was about to do. He stood up and helped me stand on my feet. I felt so tired…

-Ali, this isn’t funny anymore. I’m…i’m sorry. Extremely sorry…i really meant it like a game…you know i wasn’t doing anything to you, right? I would stop it…i just thought you’re playing…you know, like saying no when you really mean…But you know i would never abuse you like this. Say something…God…i feel like the worst criminal now…

-i wanna go back…

-Sure, we’ll go to the hotel right now!

-no…i mean, i wanna go back to Monte Carlo…

-it’s because of what i did…Ali…just stay a few more days…let me try to make things right…

-Nothing…nothing it’s ever gonna be right again…and you know the saddest part here? I just lost you..i just lost my only friend…

Returning to my life…with no place left to hide away or to run…And, after all…who i’m running from? We all are carrying our scars deep inside our hearts. No matter where we go…or what’s the language we speak when we shout out loud our pain…

Because love was never enough…

“It’s the king of all who live and and the queen of all good hearts,

It’s the ace you may keep up your sleeve,

Till the name is all but lost,

As deep as any sea, with the rage of any storm,

But as gentle as a falling leaf on any autumn morn

Let’s talk about love…”

(Celine Dion-“Let’s talk about love”)

He leaned over me kissing me gently on my forehead…My skin was warm from the hot bath, contrasting with the cool air. In the darkness of the night, the only light was a blue-pale shadow created by the Moon and the trembling light from a few white candles. And his shining eyes…My favorite music, the best chocolate cake, the cold wind, his hands rubbing my shoulders and my back to keep me warm…the perfect night.

-It’s really hard…i promised you i’ll be the perfect gentleman…what would you say if i’ll break the promise? Will you hate me in the morning…or maybe…just maybe…if you’ll like it enough…you’ll give me a chance…

-…are you trying to seduce me? i asked him with an innocent smile, putting my arms around him to feel his body closer.

-Actually, i’m trying to win your heart, but i’m taking a short cut…so, am i doing the right thing? I don’t want you to feel that i’m taking advantage…

-…what if i want you to take advantage…i’m in your arms…half naked…you gave me chocolate cake…you know what chocolate does to me, right?…and i’m a little cold…your hands feel so warm and exciting on my skin…

-…now you are trying to seduce me, Aly…my sweet Aly…your skin taste like chocolate…

Feeling his kisses all over my body…it was more then just lust or pleasure…it was love. I found myself responding to him, with a passion i though long lost and forgotten…i whispered his name while my body was longing to be hold…kissed…loved…

I felt scared of the intensity of that feeling, realizing that all this time when we were apart…all the struggle to move on…was pointless…and i felt scared of the intensity of that pleasure…like there never was and never will be something so perfect, so complete, so pure…

-…i love you so much, Peter…i can’t live without you…

He stopped me from talking with a deep passionate kiss…the passion that made my body melt in his arms…and created fireworks inside me. Surrendering completely to his desire…letting him feel that there’s no walls between us…no boundaries…loving him like there’s no tomorrow…

-…i don’t know how, Aly…but it was like heaven…you were wonderful…

The look in his eyes was indescribable…telling me more then words. I felt so overwhelmed…knowing that i gave him my heart…all over again…

-…hey…what’s with these tears?…god…i didn’t hurt you, did i…

-no, Peter…they are tears of joy…i felt like heaven too…i’m still feeling like that…

He kissed every tear…

-…i love your tears of joy…he said smiling to me. These are the only kind of tears you’re going to cry from now on…i’ll make sure of that…

-You love me? Can you forget all…all the pain…can you love me again? I just wanna be with you…i’ll make you happy…i know i will…i just need to know…because i’m scared to love you so much…

I felt like making a mistake…i knew how is Peter…he told me so many times how he despise any woman that is willing to bag for a man’s love. How he can’t stand this weakness…how he (like any other man, he said) likes the independent, self sufficient, strong minded woman, a woman that is worth fighting for…not a helpless princess that needs to be saved all the time…I felt stupid…He looked in my eyes with a sad smile…

-Aly, you know how i feel about you…i wanna make you happy too…maybe we’re meant to be together…i don’t know…but i know that love is not enough to make a relationship work…it’s about something more…

He was right…but in that moment my heart needed comfort and healing…his words were cutting like a sharp knife though my soul…

-Let’s go inside…it’s freezing here…he said with a gentle voice. We both need sleep…

-Peter, can you drive me home? my words just flew out of my mouth, without giving any time to think…

-What are you talking about? Aly, you are home…i want you to sleep in my arms…

-You are right, Peter. Love it’s not enough, not for us. Unfortunately, this it’s all i have to give…and i won’t pressure you anymore…i had a bad day…too many shocks…and you were here, i started to say foolish things…now i wanna go before i make a fool out of myself once more…And…Peter…you don’t even have to drive me home…i understand that you’re tired…i’ll just call a cab…By the way…the sex was great…just what i needed to get ride of all the tension…

I left…

Only in the car, on the back seat, i could let my tears falling down. The driver asked me if i’m ok, if i need any help…i thanked him and told him that i lost someone today…He understood…

Alone in my apartment…Independent, self sufficient, strong minded…Oh, yes…and heartbroken…

Can you really play this game?

“Well, in case you failed to notice,

In case you failed to see…

This is my heart, bleeding before you,

This is me down on my knees…”

(Jewell-“Foolish games”)

The door slammed…Standing alone, in my office, i was remembering every word i said to her. It was not the first time when a model’s contract ended suddenly. She was wrong, she knew that…but still she left the office crying. And i was the one who told her the bad news…great job, i said to myself…

I heard a move and steps into my office…

-I don’t think there’s something more to discuss. I did all i could…this situation was difficult enough…i said thinking that she came back…

-You got that right! that familiar voice made me drop the papers i was holding in my hands…

-Tony, how did you get in?

-You never answered my calls, or my emails…And then that strange message from you, telling me that “this was a mistake…”. Tell me you didn’t mean that, Isabel…

He seem sad, confuse, lost…

-I’m sorry, Tony…it was amazing, but it was wrong…i try to make things right again with Peter and it’s not the moment to start something new…

-So, you used me? You were upset and you wanted some company…i was good to satisfy you but not good enough to be taken seriously? Of course…how could i imagined…

His voice became cold as he looked at me with anger. A few steps back and he locked the door…then he came closer, much to close to my body…i could feel his breath on my neck as he started to kiss me…And this time, it was nothing gentle about his touches…i felt him passionately, full with desire…

-Tony, what are you doing? I just told you…and we’re in my office…Peter should stop by any moment…

-What do you think i’m doing? his voice sounded harsh, giving me shivers…I give you what you need…

-I don’t need this! i said trying to push him away.

My moves were useless…he was pushing me against the wall, making me feel how strong and excited he was…my body responded to his touches…

-It’s my turn to play…let me show you how it feels to be used…he whispered in my ear…

-Tony, we can’t make love here…

He was busy undressing me, almost tearing my dress…he held my hands over my head, making me feel so vulnerable…i knew i had to stop him…but something inside me was unable to fight his passion…

-Baybe, who said something about love…it’s just sex, the way you wanted, right? And you better keep quiet, or your precious Peter will know all about…

Like he knew, like he felt that…Peter was knocking at the door…

-Alicia, are you in there? Open the door, there’s some paper you need to sign…

With a malicious smile, Tony let my hands…I put my dress on in half second…My breath was still so fast, my hair was ravished…

I opened the door, trying to stay as calm as i could be…

-Why on earth were you two locked in here? asked Peter

-By…by mistake…i said with an unsure voice…

Tony looked at me with cold eyes…His look was like a knife, tearing apart my heart…

-Isabel…he said calmly…why don’t you say the truth to him? Look, Peter, we were just about to have wild, hard sex in here…you interrupted us…

For a moment, i heard my heart beating. The silence was unbearable…

Peter started laughing so hard, as i was trying not to cry…

-Ok, i see…italian humour, right, Tony? You’re a little crazy…stop by the house sometimes to have a drink with us. Aly, here are the papers, read them once more, will you? And i need those documents signed in an hour…

Tony was at the door…

-I leave you two alone…it looks like you’re busy. And, Peter, maybe i’ve gave you some ideas…he said smiling ironic as he left…

Standing alone at the office i felt the weight of the world on my shoulders…So ironic…right in the moment when i was about to forgive and forget…and have a new start…

…i may never find forgiveness…i may never have a second chance…